Happy Birthday to my little Cooper Pooper!!!

My little boy Cooper turns three years old tomorrow, the 18th. Technically that means he is turning 21 in dog years. What a big boy. He has gone through so much in his short 3 years, what a trooper he is. Hey, I should start calling him "Cooper Pooper the Trooper." LOL. He really is a trooper though. His vet, Dr. Daly, calls him "stoic." How true it is.

He has disabled front legs which started out in the shape of a 'v' and now his leg is in the shape of an 's.' It gets worse and worse and yet he continues to run around just like a puppy. He has kidney disease, not as bad as Cody, but he throws up more than normal dogs because of it. He has had an ulcer on his eyeball which had to be removed while he was awake. He has chronic skin infections under his eyes, one of which he is suffering from right now. He has hair which mats profusely and has to be brushed and de-matted at every turn. He has some kind of red, hairless spot on his hip right now which is bothering him. And did I mention he has hip dysplasia? And he is only 3. He definitely has had a rough go of it.

Cooper is my little buddy. He is the cutest, most wonderful dog. He loves to cuddle, loves to lick and is perfectly happy curled up in bed with me all day. He loves to play but isn't that great at learning tricks. He is a little on the dopey side, but we love him to death! He doesn't make much noise, but loves to keep guard at the front door. Every squirrel or bunny that hops by gets a nice, warm, welcoming bark from Coop.

Happy birthday to my sweet little man. Our lives wouldn't be the same without you buddy.

So much to be thankful for.

As Thanksgiving draws near, I try to remind myself of the things that I have to be thankful for. Too often I think of the bad and not the good, so hopefully putting it in writing will give me a reminder to look back on.

I am thankful first and foremost for my husband. He is a wonderful, caring guy who puts up with alot from me. He takes care of me and loves me and really what more could a girl want?

I am thankful for my boys. I am thankful that their little bodies are going strong even through all the obstacles. I am thankful that for some reason Cody's body has adjusted to his high kidney levels and therefore we will have him around for much longer than expected. I am thankful that Cooper's legs don't seem to be causing him a great amount of pain even if it may look like it. I am thankful that every night when I get home, I have two jumping boys waiting to greet me at the door.

I am thankful for my stepdaughter Kaylee. I am thankful that she has grown into an intelligent, kind young girl. I am thankful that she adores her dad and looks forward to the time she spends with him.

I am thankful for my family and their health. I am thankful that my mom has a good job, a new outlook on life and a bright future. I am thankful that my sister has her two feet planted solidly on the ground and has the entire world at her disposal. I am thankful that my sister and brother seem to be ok with love in place of material goods. I am thankful that my aunt who was diagnosed with terminal cancer, is now 60% in remission. I am thankful that she has my awesome uncle to take care of her. I am thankful that my grandma is healthy, able and willing to work a hard labor job at 65 years old to take care of she and her husband. I am thankful that my great grandmother has made it through 2 strokes, Lymes disease, breast cancer and a triple bypass and is now healthy enough to golf and still make championship flight at 85 years old. I am thankful that my husband's family is healthy and staying out of trouble. We are very blessed to have family who loves and adore us.

I am thankful that I have a job. Not just a job but a job that pays well and where they are sympathetic to my situation health wise. I am thankful that my husband has a great job. How lucky are we to have jobs during times like these?

I am thankful that my husband is healthy, intelligent and handsome.

I am thankful that we have a roof over our heads and food in our cabinets. I am thankful that we have health insurance.

We may not be able to take vacations or go shopping for the newest things, but all in all, we are very lucky to have all that we do.

I hope that you all have as much to be thankful for as I do. Happy Thanksgiving.

Not fun enough

Lately, my husband wants to do new things. He has come to a point where he is bored and tired of sitting around all the time. We do alot of sitting around due to my health. 2 very good childhood friends of his moved to the country and all of the sudden he wants to go visit. Fine by me, I love the country. But come to find out, they don't have extra room. There are the 2 friends, a wife, a son and 4 dogs. He wants me, him and our two dogs to go. We would basically be sleeping on a couch. I can do that, I really can. But it will be really difficult to have our boys (our dogs) in a room with no confinement, especially at night. They might roam. Not to mention, my husband wants to go out with his buddies and that will leave me and the boys back at the house with wife and kid (whom I have never met) and no room to hole away in by ourselves. I am not anti social, but that doesn't sound like a whole lot of fun to me. Going to the country, hanging out, spending some time with my husband, that sounds fun. If only there was a spare bedroom. I would feel more comfortable.

Not to mention one of the friends always gives me a hard time about what I feed my boys. Yes, I know it isn't normal. Yes, I know it isn't the healthiest. Get off my back about it! The vet knows. So anyway...that always causes tension.

So here is the dilemna. We have been talking about doing more stuff together. More fun stuff. Less sitting around and watching movies. So do I suck it up and make the best of it and try to go and have fun? Or do I stay at home and tell him to go have fun with his buddies? I really don't know which to choose. I want to do something fun with him, make memories. But it doesn't seem like it will really be a time for him and I, more like a time for him and his buddies.

He already made it clear that he would rather me stay behind if I don't think I can have fun. And we don't go places often at all anymore. We used to, but since money has been so tight the past 2 years, we really don't get the chance to get away. So what do I do? I won't really be able to leave the boys at the house with the other dogs, they'll freak out. But it will cost $40-$50 to board them. Ugh...why is everything so hard for me?

Awesome photos of Cody and Cooper taken by Frank

Walk for lupus

LUPUS WALK 2008

L-L-L-L-L-Lick me like a lollipop...

Here is something you may not know about me. I love rap! Yes, I am a suburban housewife who likes to bump in my car with my sound system that my husband had installed for me as a gift. I am one of those cars who pulls up next to you and causes your car to shake and your windows to vibrate. The thing I need though is tinted windows. That way no one can see that I am just a white, suburban housewife who likes alot of bass.

Now if you were to see me in the club, you'd really get a laugh. I'm a booty shaker. But I love to shake it! I just can't help it. The music/rap I like is just asking for a good ass shakin.

Just something random I thought I would share about myself. Now off to bump in my car all the way to Taco Bell.

And the World's Worst Stepmother Award Goes to...

Drumroll please...You guessed it! Me! But the thing is, I totally agree. Let me explain.

I expect my stepdaughter (Kaylee) to talk to me respectfully, drop the attitude, not use the word "whatever," brush her teeth, brush her hair, clean out her fingernails, pick up her room, maybe do a chore once in a blue moon, wash her hands, be respectful to her dad, not whine, be nice to the boys (dogs), be patient, not interrupt and not climb all over the furniture. Do you see how absolutely horrible I am? I guess I watched Cinderella one too many times as a kid. It seems the evil stepmother rubbed off on me. (oh and just because I said I expect this of her, does not mean I get it).

Her remaining time is spent playing with the Wii, watching Disney Channel, playing online with her Webkinz or just lounging in bed watching the newest movie to come out on dvd. What a horrible life.

I just don't understand why I can't let all this go and just let her run around wild with yellow teeth, dirty encrusted fingernails, tangled hair (which she finally had cut so it has cut down on the problem a tad) etc...If I did, we would never argue. Oh wait, we wouldn't argue until I asked her to do a small chore like wipe down the bathroom sink. The sink only she uses to brush her teeth.

The best part is her dad doesn't see any of this. Or maybe he does and just thinks it's no big deal. I don't know. She half hazardly wipes down the sink, shows him, who is the worst at details when it comes to cleaning, he signs off on it and she goes back to her room. A few minutes later I tell her to come wipe a few spots she missed and she's all "Dad said it was fine!" And then in a huge whine "Daaaad saaiiiiddd it was fiiiinnnneeeee." Insert set of evil eyes here.

Seriously. She is sweet until you ask her to do something and then the claws come out. She gets all huffy and puffy and ends up getting a huge attitude most of the time. So it just makes me the evil stepmother for asking her to do something. So my dilemna is...do I continue to ask her to do things or just let it go to avoid the fight? I know what the right thing to do is. But what about making my husband happy? He hates the fighting. I tell him about her attitude because I can't punish her...but then he hates it and says I am such a tattle tale. I wouldn't have to tattle if I could send her to her room for copping an attitude. It's a catch 22. Remain the evil stepmother and in the process the evil wife, or let it all go and hope she learns these things somewhere else before she reaches adult hood.

Overall, she is a great kid. I love her dearly. It's just she is getting to the pre teen age and I need to know how to proceed. I am assuming all this that has gone undealt with will only get worse with age. So what do I do?

*Just in case you missed the sarcasm, I don't really think I am the worst step mom in the world, I could use a bit of work but it is a thankless, frustrating job and it's not like there is a manual.

How would you feel?

If you were at a store grocery shopping and you were having a very difficult time getting something off a shelf, not just having trouble reaching it, but it was stuck to it's mates and they were heavy and starting to fall around you (laundry baskets)...If this were happening to you and you looked over and a man looked you straight in the eye, stood there with free hands and didn't offer to help or even lend a helping hand, would you feel like shit? It is obvious he saw you struggling, you made eye contact twice, he just stood there. Rude to say the least, right? If you were in the situation but in the guys' shoes, wouldn't you lend a hand? Wouldn't manners and instinct kick in?

This happened to me and I can't tell you just how horrible it made me feel. It made me feel like dirt. Like I was invisible. It ruined my entire day.

Do you believe that the way a man treats a woman in front of his children sets them up to either treat women the same way or allow themselves to be treated the same way? So if this man had a child with him, wouldn't he have been even more wrong? He showed his child that #1 it is ok to treat others like this and #2 it is ok if someone treats them like that. The whole situation had me first seeing red and secondly wanting to cry my eyes out. What is with people? Does he treat the people he loves the same way? If so, I feel horrible for his family.

The Forlorn Black Dog

You may have wondered who the black dog in the pictures is. Well, her name is Autumn and she is our neighbors' dog. Frank and I have really grown fond of Autumn after watching her day in and day out, out in the backyard, alone. No one to pay to attention to her, no one to talk to her, play with her, love her. She is a true 24 hours/day outdoor dog. She has a dog house and I have seen 2 abandoned toys but that's it. So Frank and I started to talk to her and pet her every time we went in the backyard (at least 5-6 times a day). After all, who could ignore the wagging tail and smiling face at the fence?

About two weeks after we had moved in (I had talked to her only a handful of times and the same goes for Frank) Autumn made a break for it and broke out of her backyard. Where did she come? Our front door. LOL. Really. I was in bed sick and I heard a ruckus outside. I went outside in the front to figure out what the boys were reacting to and saw Autumn in our front yard and Frank on the porch. I went out and saw her family calling to her from their yard but watched as she gleefully ignored them and ran to Frank and I when we called her name. That was just the first time this has happened.

Frank has taken her back from our front door on more than one occasion and every time they just plop her back in the backyard and leave her alone. So...I have been pretty upset about this and I think that a backyard dog is no life at all. Frank and I had even decided that on cold/snowy/rainy nights we would offer our garage to her if her owners would allow it. We even talked about putting a doggy door in the door for her. That changed yesterday.

Yesterday Autumn ended up at our front door again. Frank took her back but no one was home this time. She can't come in the house, she is literally like a bull in a china closet due to her lack of socialization. But we couldn't just leave her to roam the streets so Frank put her in our backyard. I thought that was a great idea and proceeded to take her some water and a chewie to keep her back there. And that is where the story begins.

You'd have to see a picture, which I don't have right now, but to completely understand you will have to see it. We have access to our backyard through our garage. But it isn't just a straight walkout, there are stairs that lead up to the backyard. OK so I shut the door behind me and proceed to take her the water and chewie. She is ALL over me and as I try to maneuver my way back inside the garage (the boys are on the other side) she uses all her weight to push into the garage. So then she is racing around the garage like a mad woman, no big deal. Cooper makes a run for the backyard and I call for Autumn to follow, she does and so does Cody. She barrells over Cody a bit on the stairs and when he stops at the top stair, she is all over him. It didn't really look playful, more intrusive if anything. Now Cody and Autumn bark at each other back and forth along the fence. The run up and down the fence barking at each other. I used to stop it but they seemed to have so much fun doing it and it gave them some extra exercise so I just allowed it.

So Autumn starts following Cody closely and I can see he is getting stressed because she keeps putting her face in his face. So I start to push her away and tell her to "go on." The way the stairs are set up, there is a cement wall about a foot tall between the grass and the stairs. I am still on the stairs and Cody is next to me but the cement wall is between us. That's when Autumn really went for it. She started to put her mouth on his neck, wouldn't back up, was using all of her body force against me and my arms, which I was trying to put in between them, she had him pinned up against the wall, he was crouching and she had her mouth on his neck. Cody cried out in pain. I was screaming at Autumn to "get off!" and pushing her with one arm while trying to pick Cody up with the other. She would not back off.

I can't really remember what happened but Cody must have slipped away while I was trying to hold Autumn back. He ended up at the bottom of the stairs where the closed door was. The bottom of the stairs is like 3'x2 1/2' so it isn't very big. All of the sudden Cody was down at my feet and Autumn was on top of him and I was still screaming and trying to pull her off. She was trampling him and going after him with her mouth. All of the sudden the door opened and I am screaming to Frank "get Autumn! she is attacking Cody!" He grabbed her by the collar and was able to lead her up and out of the yard. She was happy to see him so she went with him. He was able to get their back gate open and he put her back in her own yard.

Now honest to God, I don't know if she was playing or not. I have read about reading a dog's body language and I do not believe she was playing. However, it is all a blur because I was freaking out so much. I remember hearing a growl at one point and I don't believe it was Cody. The only sound Cody made was a cry, a cry I have never heard him make before. Obviously she hasn't been socialized so she may have just jumped Cody because she doesn't like him. I just don't know. All I know is it scared the crap out of me! I literally thought I was going to watch Cody get eaten in front of me and I wasn't going to be able to do anything about it. It was so scary and I shook for hours afterwards. Of course Frank doesn't think she was trying to hurt him (he wasn't out there either) and he thinks I am being dramatic about it. I can't explain how badly it hurt my feelings that she would do this to my baby. After all the kindness we showed her.

So this morning I take the boys out to potty and Cody starts barking at the gate towards the front yard. I was in my bathrobe and thinking "great, the guy is here to read the meter and I am going to have to go in the wet grass to retrieve my barking dogs, in my black socks and pink bathrobe. Oh and not to mention the bedhead." I walk up the steps and who is it? Autumn. And she is looking like she is going to jump the fence. The first thing I think is "if she makes it in here, we're done because Frank isn't here to help." So quickly I tell the boys to "stay" and I run inside the house, through the garage. I grab a leash, walk out the front door and call her name. There she comes, barrelling down on top of me. She is so excited (aka bored, not exercised, not stimulated etc...) that she jumps all over me. I get the leash on her and then realize, what the hell am I doing? I mean, nothing has changed. I am still in my black socks, pink robe and bedhead. Great. So I try to un latch her so I can go get dressed to take her home. Not happening. Just like she used her body weight to push her way into the garage, she was doing the same with my front door. So there we were, stranded on my front porch. But wait! I had my cell phone in my pocket. Only because I had just gotten off the phone with Frank. For the next 5 minutes I fight her jumping body to see the phone number on the tag. Got it! They pick up after 5 rings. I say "hi, this is your neighbor and Autumn is at my front door. I'm sorry, I am in my bathrobe so I didn't want to bring her over." She apologized and sent her daughter out to get her. Her daughter walked out and Autumn ran to her. I called across the yard that Autumn had gotten out yesterday too while they were away but we had put her in their backyard. She said she was sorry and walked away.

I walked back to the backyard and this time the boys were oblivious to the chaos. They were both taking a dump LOL. And then there was Autumn, back to her usual spot at the fence. Back to her days and nights of seclusion. I don't feel so sorry for her after what she did to Cody but I am sure that her lack of training and socialization is to blame. It's too bad but now we know we can't offer to walk her with us or offer our garage to her. Not if we want to keep our own boys safe.

I will still talk to her but the bond has been broken. She hurt my feelings when she went after my baby. I will still help rescue her when she gets out but she better not try to jump in my backyard again.

So my dilemna at this point is do I tell her owners what she did? In case something were to happen in the future?

Oh and Cody is ok. He was shaken up, had a red mark on his neck but no injuries. He has been having diarrhea and he threw up this morning (nothing too unusual for him though) but I think it is from the stress of it all. I don't know for sure that she didn't jump on his stomach but he acts ok. And unfortunately I don't have the money to go get an x ray done. But like I said, I really don't think it is necessary. I think he is fine. He got a bath so I could see his skin better and he smells great and looks wonderful! And now we know Cooper won't be stepping in to save his brother in time of trouble. At least not when a 65 lb black lab is involved LOL.

Purely Pictures as Promised

Cody looking sweet

Cooper looking comfy and oh so kissable

The neighbor dog, Autumn, playing fetch

Isn't my Cooper just adorable?

My precious Cody

The boys checking out their new yard.

Taylor playing ball with Cody and Cooper

Playing with our neighbor dog Autumn

Poor Autumn. She is alone and outside 24/7.

My baby boys looking cute as usual

Incompetant Doctors

I have seen hundreds of doctors with my multitude of health problems so it's par for the territory that I run into a few quacks in the bunch. I had 2 surgical procedures done today because I have been so horribly sick for almost a month now. I had an EGD and a colonoscopy done and 2 biopsies taken at the same time. I have had these procedures done before so I knew what to expect. Why is it that doctors and nurses don't believe you when you tell them you know how you will react to something? Because I don't have an MD after my name, I must be oblivious to anything having to do with medicine. The first thing I said to the nurse when she took me back is "I will need something ASAP to help me relax. I panic and I can feel myself starting to panic already. She said she would find out for me shortly.

30 minutes later I am doing ok because the nurse and I have been discussing my lupus. She is my age and has lupus as well! What are the odds of that? Anyway...our time is up and it is time for me to wait to be taken to the surgery room. She gives me some Benadryl. It hits me a little but I can feel the panic start to rise. It is such a strange feeling, hard to explain and many think you are crazy or just a big baby. I started to sweat, shake, even though I was freezing cold from the lack of clothes and covers. I started to panic. I couldn't sit up because I was hooked to machines which sounded an alarm every time I sat up. They told me they were behind and it would be a while. Great thing to tell someone who is panicking I tell you. Anyway...I start to cry, I feel like ripping the iv out of my arm. FINALLY a nurse peeks her head in and notices I am crying. She asks if I am ok and I told her that no I'm not, I am panicking. I can't explain why it happens but when I am hooked up to machines, I feel out of control and tied down and it freaks the hell out of me. She got on the phone with the dr. who ordered me some Vercet to calm me down. Apparently I calmed down after that because I really don't remember much afterwards. One thing I DO remember is telling the surgeon that he needs to give me some extra deadening stuff for my throat because I have been known to try to pull out the endoscope because of my gag reflex. I told him twice. Please, make sure my throat is deadened. So what happens? First of all, I shouldn't be able to remember any of this because I was sedated but I remember it all and I am not happy. It ended up being a fight. I tried pulling the tube out, they had to hold me down, they were yelling at me, I was gagging, throwing up, I felt like I couldn't breathe, like I was suffocating. Whatever they were putting into my mouth wasn't just a little tube, there was something large around my lips and I could feel it enveloping my whole mouth. I was scared shitless and crying and they just kept yelling at me and holding me down. I remember it all. My throat is very bruised. It hurts so badly to swallow. Nothing like it should feel like.

Back to quack doctors. I am not saying he is a quack per se, but he pissed me off because he obviously didn't believe anything I said. Then he told my husband, while I was in recovery, that everything looked normal. However, when you look on all my discharge paperwork, it clearly states that they found 4 different things. And to top it off, all my discharge paperwork is addressed to Mr. Bruce. Do I look like a dude to you?

Anyway...I wish doctors would realize that there are some of us who have had so much experience with all this medical crap and we really know our own bodies better than they do. Next time, they need to listen. But actually there won't be a next time. I am sick of panicking and feeling this way.

I know this isn't really a coherent or interesting post, I just had to write it down. I am going to post a purely picture post next so you can see my beautiful boys.

I'm ready to talk. But not about the house.

I don't really feel like talking about the hell hole, I mean house, just yet. But so much has happened and I have been needing to scream and this is my only outlet right now so I'm going to talk.

Apparently, I have the craziest family in the world. Not crazy as in fun, crazy as in insane.

OK. I have been sick since July 31st. Today is August 17th so as you can see, I have been ill for quite some time. And not just ill, super ill. I have been vomiting for weeks. The nausea is the worst I have had in my entire lifetime! Smells make me vomit, reading my computer makes me vomit (why this is going to be a short rant), walking makes me vomit, sleeping makes me vomit, eating makes me vomit and not eating makes me vomit. Anyway, needless to say, I have made it to work 5 hours so far for the month of August. I have been just that sick.

We have lived in our new hell hole since the 29th of July. During that time our basement has flooded 3 times, we have mold in our dining room, a hole in our dining room ceiling (waiting on contractor), mildewed carpet, a faulty HVAC, fleas or some other type of bug which is eating away at me and many, many other small things happening all at the same time. And then of course, I'm sick. So nothing has been accomplished. The boxes are still packed. We don't even want to unpack because we hate this place. The hell hole is just in an utterly chaotic state. Whatever. I mean it's understandable, right?

Well. Today I hear daughter and dad talking and I pipe in to ask what they are talking about. Daughter says "mom might pick me up today." I naturally ask "why?" because she picks her up from our place maybe once a year and always for a specific reason. Daughter says "she wants to see the house." I say " the outside or the inside?" She says "all of it!" I say "well we're not even unpacked or anything so that will have to happen some other time." She says "she doesn't need to see it unpacked, she just wants to see it." I rebuttle with "well, another time." She says "she was going to come yesterday." OK...I'm like "um, she has to be invited." Now husband pipes in with "I already told her she could." WTF ever! So I say "Frank we aren't even unpacked or anything!" He says "so, what's the big deal?" I finally just say "whatever, I'll be hiding in the laundry room." I can't say what I want to say with daughter sitting right there. So husband says "fine, you just do what you do." Yep, I'm the bitch.

OK. So how crazy is it that my husband's ex wife gets to come look through our house (which she invited herself to do) when we A.) just moved in B.) haven't unpacked and C.) I've been sick? Who does she think she is? And why am I the bad guy because I would like my husband not to show his ex wife OUR house when it hasn't been unpacked, cleaned or decorated? Not to mention...I am still unshowered and in bed from being sick? Is that asking too much?

I don't want her coming at all to look at this freakin place but if she is going to come, at least give me some damn courtesy to be able to decorate or something first. But apparently I am a bitch for even thinking this.

I always knew that the freakin ex would be a part of my life forever because of daughter but sometimes I just can't handle it. What does this hell hole have to do with her? And why the rush to see it?

Oh and mother in law and her husband were here this weekend as well. What does mother in law do when we arrive to pick up daughter? Gets out and freaking hugs the ex wife and oohs and aahs over her. Right in front of me. Whatever. No one ever wonders how all of that makes me feel. No one cares and apparently I am the baby for not thinking it's cool. I'm sick of it.

Husband just thinks I'm a jealous bitch and seriously I am freaking sick of it!

We went to brother in law's wedding on the 8th. I barely made it being as sick as I was but the dr. gave me some med that worked for 2 days and allowed me to use my non refundable, non transferable ticket. I was so close to not going, but in the end I didn't want husband to have to go to a wedding, where he was the best man, by himself. Thank God I went.

I am a jealous wife, I don't deny that, but seriously I think I would be less jealous if I didn't have a husband who tells me about every "hot girl" he sees and even though it's all jokingly, it does not make me any less jealous.

The bride's sister (who was totally skinny and cute and husband's type) was the maid of honor. In other words, she was the person husband was supposed to spend all his time with. I understand ushering her in, doing the whole wedding thing etc...but he was expected to be her date at the reception even though she had a boyfriend there and he had me, his wife there. He was told to get her drinks for the night, they even made them dance together. To a f-cking slow song. It was a wedding party dance where they all danced together. If you're going to do that, don't you think it would be nice to at least do some upbeat, fast song so their spouses/significant others don't have to sit there and watch their partners slow dance with someone else?

This may not be a big deal to anyone else (though another girl at my table, who was watching her boyfriend slow dance with a bridesmaid shared my same sentiment) but husband and I rarely dance. In fact...I dance, he doesn't. I can get him to dance ONLY at clubs and only after a few drinks. We haven't danced in years but he goes and dances with her. What also pisses me off is that if he doesn't want to do something, he won't do it. He will let whoever know that he isn't going to do it and won't take shit from anyone about it. So if this made him uncomfortable, he wouldn't have done it. Whatever...so I even got past that and after an hour of him being mad at me for being hurt having to watch him dance with this girl and walk around the room getting her drinks, without even making eye contact with ME or getting me drinks too, I danced with him and had a good time. I tried to just let it go. It doesn't take the sting away. I don't dance with anyone else and I don't like him to either. Apparently, the bride's family was completely the opposite. They bumped and grinded with everyone and their uncles the whole night. Even the bride! I didn't even care at that point. If one other girl walked up to my husband and tried to grind on him "because he was the best man" I was going to throw down and I didn't even give a shit who I embarrassed. Luckily, husband stayed away from the dance floor the entire hour he was mad at me, so I didn't have to throw down.

So anyone else a jealous bitch? I always tell hubs that if I ever stop being jealous, he has a problem. He said he would rather it be that way. He hates my jealousy but he does nothing to try to make me feel more secure in our relationship.

How guilty do I feel for being sick for 3 weeks, missing so much work, not helping with the move, not being "available" and not looking "pretty?" Pretty damn guilty! Doesn't help the jealousy any knowing that most guys would be ready to leave in a heartbeat if they had to deal with me and my illness. My insecurities are flying wild! I need some reassurance here. Am I going to get any?

By the way...I haven't vomited in a 24 hours and now, since I took the time to type this out, I am ready to vomit again. I just can't handle staring at the computer screen right now. What am I going to do? I have to work. I have to be a "wife" and keep my husband happy. I always have to worry about that. I just can't help but worry that I am too much of a burden.

Sorry that my post was all over the place. Bottom line is I am a sick, jealous bitch and apparently I have no reason to be.

Flood, Fleas, Puke, Mold, Broken, HOT,Clog, Leak

Yes my lovelies, these are just a few words that are used to describe the horrendous adventures of moving. Moving the Bruce family must entail all of the above, apparently.

Still not ready to talk about it. Sorry :)

I don't want to get into it.

We're moved. If you can call it that. It is going to be quite a while before I feel up to writing about this whole experience. Put it this way, we've been in tears daily. Every single thing that could go wrong...has gone wrong. Things are still going wrong. We were under the impression that once we signed, everything would get better from there. What the hell ever! We are beyond stressed and overwhelmed and are ready to leave everything behind, claim bankruptcy and move to Mexico. That is just how badly this whole thing has gone. The End for now.

Quick update.

It's 1:38AM and I can't sleep. I am seriously stressed. We didn't close on the 18th as planned. As of right this minute we don't even know if the house is actually going to be ours'. There have been so many curve balls pitched at us by this "lender" and I am beginning to think he is screwing with us. We made it over 3 MAJOR hurdles only to be told TODAY that we must sign automatic withdrawal forms for our mortgage payments to come out the 25th of each month. September's payment comes out August 25th and so on. One problem. I only get paid on the last day of the month. There isn't money in the bank to cover the payment on the 25th. PLUS he told us we wouldn't have a payment at all for August so we had planned on using that money to help with closing costs. He says they can't change the date but he'll ask the president of the company if he will make an exception. SOOO if he won't, we've taken the day off tomorrow to look at apartments. Lovely. So freaking screwed!

What kind of place doesn't give you an option on what date you have a large payment automatically deducted from your acct???

Bad news on my aunt as well. We just found out that she is in end stage kidney failure. Due to her cancer I don't believe she is eligible for a transplant :( I am so devastated! She had her first chemo treatment today. Something she didn't want to do, she doesn't want her body torn apart by chemo. The dr's told her she wouldn't make it without it because her kidneys are just giving up. I don't know what's next. Dialysis? That will be torture for her. 7 hours a day, 5 days a week. I just want to go through it all for her and spare her the pain. Her God, the one she has followed her whole life, the one she worships and trusts and loves and prays to, needs to step in and do something for her. She is a true follower of Christ and this is what she gets in return? Another reason I can't bring myself to believe that there truly is a loving God.

Off to try to get some rest. I can't turn my mind off.

A few house pics

The Amazing Kitchen! All stainless steel appliances, granite countertops and a 3 seater bar.
Kind of hard to tell from the picture but this is the master shower. All stone and really nice!
My favorite part of the house. The dining room which you enter through french doors right off the kitchen.


Just wanted to share a few pics of the new house. We're 3 days away from closing and now they have a new "bump in the road" so keep your fingers crossed that it all works out because we have no money and no place to go if it doesn't.

Time is running out.

We close on the house on Friday. Our lease here at the apartment is up on July 29th which means we HAVE to be moved out and the apartment has to be cleaned from top to bottom by the 29th at noon. So how have I been spending my days, you ask? Sleeping. I have never been so unmotivated in my life. I feel terribly embarrassed! It isn't because I am just being lazy, it is because I don't feel well. I promise. I even missed out on the final walk through on the house today. I was in too much pain to get up and get ready to go. I hope that wasn't a mistake. Hubs did go and said everything was fixed to our liking.

I have personally packed 4 boxes. 2 boxes of scrapbooking materials and 2 boxes from my closet. I guess you could say I am not doing my part. BUT I have been working. I did miss 2 days of work this week but 1 was for our anniversary.

Speaking of our anniversary, it was July 9th. We have been married for 4 years and together for 9 years. Amazing, considering I am only 27. Hubs took the day off to spend the day with me. I had been suffering from a horrible migraine for 5 days beforehand so I was a little weary. We decided to go to the Casino and have lunch at their buffet. We are NOT gamblers and had never even been before. Neither one of us like throwing away our money and having nothing to show for it.

So we had a wonderful buffet lunch which included this heavenly dessert buffet bigger than our new kitchen! Everything imaginable was there and I wasn't going to leave without tasting absolutely everything I wanted to! :) To Hubs horrid embarrassment, I proceeded to bring back about 8 plates of dessert (some had multiple desserts on them), one bowl of ice cream topped with m&m minis, caramel sauce and homemade whipped cream AND a rootbeer float. I only ate 2-3 bites of each thing, I am not a pig after all :) It was heaven I tell you!

Oh don't worry, I ate regular food too. I had 3 pieces of bbq salmon (SOOOOO yummy!), a'gratin potatoes, butter and chive mashed potatoes, buttered brussel sprouts, fried okra, buttered broccoli, cornbread with honey, one yeast roll, one parmesan roll, 1/2 a piece of 4 cheese pizza, some nachos with queso, guac, sour cream, bean and corn salsa, lettuce and tomatoes on top, a bowl of cantaloupe, some crab salad, some fried potatoes and I think that might be it. Wow, it seemed like I ate alot more than that :) I love buffets, can you tell?

What? You want me to tell you about the desserts too? OK...there was a chocolate cream pie, strawberry shortcake with the best damned homemade whipped cream I have ever had in my entire life!!! Then I had 3 chocolate strawberries (which I only ended up eating 1 of), 2 pieces of meringue candy, a pretzel stick in chocolate, a piece of chocolate espresso cake, some strawberry swirl cake (they didn't actually label the desserts), a cup of chocolate mousse, some tiny handmade chocolate with a cherry on top, a layered brownie and cheesecake of some sorts, a raspberry cheesecake and I do believe that was it. And at one point, I asked Hubs to go up there with me so he could help me carry it back. Even as embarrassed as he was, he did it for me :) Good ol' Hubs.

At one point I was getting one of my first plates of food and one of the buffet chefs behind the counter saw my face full of smiles and said "How are you doing today happy girl?" That was kind of embarrassing. I guess I couldn't hide my overwhelming excitement due to the food heaven surrounding me.

After at least an hour at the buffet I tried to get Hubs to sit there with me for another hour so we could get hungry again but he insisted that I was the only one who would get hungry again for quite some time. So we left and went into the casino, with visions of big money dancing in our heads.

We had decided to only spend $20. We're broke, buying a house and need all the money we have but we figured we would try on our lucky day. We played penny slots, nickel slots, quarter slots and 1 dollar slot. Between us we won about $6 but we gambled it away and walked out of there $20 poorer than when we had arrived.

Now let me ask you something. How in the world is gambling fun? Even when we won, we won no more than $2.50 and the money was sucked from our hands faster than I can eat a cookie (and let me tell you, that is pretty damn fast!). How is that fun? And we were there at noon on a Wednesday and there were a ton of people there too. We just don't see the appeal. Thankfully, because I couldn't handle it if Hubs decided he had a thing for gambling.

Anyway...I held onto Hubs arm all day, we talked and smiled and laughed like we were dating and had a really really good day! Granted we made it home by 3:00 but he did one of my favorite things and lay in bed for the rest of the day and we watched 6 Feet Under and another movie I can't quite remember. Overall, it was a great day! Best of all? The next day Hubs emailed me to tell me how much fun he had AND to tell me that he kept smiling when he thought about me and my desserts :)

I think the buffet employees might remember me for a while :)

Overland Park, we have a problem...

I don't know what is wrong with my Cody Bear. He has never done this before. I am shocked, I am freaked out and I am worried. What is going on, you ask? He has started to hump his brother Cooper. Now I know that this is a normal thing for dogs. BUT it usually is something that starts early on. Cody is 3 almost 3 1/2. He has always humped blankets which he balls up and puts underneath him. He loves one blanket in particular, a KU blanket, we call it his girlfriend. Well, he has never humped anything else in his life. Nothing, nada, no one. So imagine my surprise when I see him mounting Cooper from behind yesterday as we watched a movie. At first I thought I was just imagining it and they were just playing around like they do. They jump all over each other all day long. But then I saw it...the back and forth action, the front paws clutched beneath Cooper's stomach. Did I yell? Did I say "no!"? Nope...I calmly said "look what Cody is doing to Cooper." to my husband. He freaked out and thought I was weird for not stopping it. I just wanted him to see it so he knew I wasn't making it up. After he saw, I told Cody to stop. He did. Then he started again. Like he had found a new toy that he couldn't stop playing with. He mounted his brother again. Cooper had this look on his face like "whatcha doin Cody?" Not too bothered and not too worried about what was going on. Just happy that they were playing. This time I clapped and told him more sternly "NO!" He stopped. He heavily panted for a few minutes while I got back into the movie and then he did it again. Just walked on over to Cooper, put his paws on his back, and started humping. "NO CODY NO!" I yelled. That time it worked. He hasn't tried it since. But my question is, why the sudden urge? He is neutered, they both are. Is this what they do to pass the time when we're at work? Cooper sure didn't seem to mind. Oh boy. I do not like this. They say it's a dominance thing but Cody is clearly alpha, always has been and Cooper submits to him all day long so why would he suddenly feel the urge to show his dominance in this way? Any ideas?

My new look!

So how do you like it? It looks fabulous, if I do say so myself LOL! I won a free blog design from Lauren at www.restored316designs.com and she did everything I asked for and more. If you are looking to have your blog re-done, definitely check her out! Thanks so much Lauren.

This is going to be very brief. I have been feeling just awful this week. Worse than I have felt in at least a month if not more. I don't know what is up but it is really bad timing with the move and everything. I have had a migraine for 2 days, the inside of my nose burns, my eyes ache, I am in a ton of pain and my stomach is hurting like crazy. I feel so badly for Frank. He has just been chugging along packing and getting things ready and most of my free time is spent in bed. I'm such a lame wife. :( And then my boys, they have both been acting funny so I took them in to have their kidneys tested again. I figured since it is claim time (litigation against Menu Foods for pet food poisoning) I needed to know exactly where we stand levels wise. I should find out tomorrow. I pray it is good news because when I took them in Dr. Daly made sure to tell me, AGAIN, how freakin lucky I am that Cody hasn't died yet with his levels the way they are. :( :( :( I just don't want to talk about it or think about it right now.

I have been spending hours pouring over decorating sites/blogs while on my sick bed. Do you have any to recommend? I need ideas. Cheap ideas since Frank seems stuck on the fact that we have no money for decorating. Stinking thinking I tell you.

Guess What?

I made it to work every single day last week AND worked an average of 4.5 hours each day. I haven't done that in months, maybe even a year. I am trying my hardest so that Hubs is more at ease with the whole house buying thing. On the other hand, I am so exhausted that I come home and hang out in bed with the boys. So nothing is getting done around here. Nothing. Hubs has been packing, I have been sleeping. But if I am going to keep working like this, I need to rest when I am home. He will have to understand and so far I think he is understanding.

News about the house? Well the inspection did not go great. They found termites, a huge water leak that had happened SINCE we had seen the house, a water leak in the dining room which was hurting the brand new hardwood floors, a fire hazard in the attic and numerous small other things. Frank was freaking out thinking this was it, the house wasn't happening. Then the seller showed up. I can't tell you how great that was because right then and there he told Frank and I that he would take care of all of it. Still, Hubs didn't believe him. So we drew up the contract of what we wanted fixed (remember, they told us they wouldn't be fixing much of anything because they had already come down on the price so much) and they came back and said, just like he told us, they would fix everything! Isn't that awesome? So now Frank says "well we still have to hope all the paperwork pans out." OMG! First it was "well we still have to see what the inspection finds" and now it's paperwork. I swear. Even when we are living in the house he is still not going to think it's ours'. I love him and his stinking thinking though.