Somebody please pinch me...

It feels like a dream. I hope it isn't. We have an inspection on the house we are buying today. We are actually buying a house. We're going to be big people, adults, homeowners. Oh my gosh. What a big step this is.

It's a beautiful house, the house we both fell in love with. Unlike the other houses we made offers on, I didn't have to talk Frank in to liking this one. We both felt that this house was "the one" yet he is freaking out about it now. He is a doom gloom thinking kind of guy and sometimes it makes it alot harder on me and my health because he can be so negative. I have told everyone and their aunt that we are buying this house, he on the other hand is waiting until the inspection comes up clear to share the news with anyone, including our daughter who is patiently awaiting the news. Stinking thinking is what I call it. And his stinks the worst.

So here is a picture of the house.

The Picture I promised

I promised a picture of Cody after his dew claw surgery and here it is:

Backwards Introduction

I realized that I never really introduced myself. Not that I actually have any readers but for anyone who may just stumble onto my blog...here is a little bit about me.

I am a 27 year old female of Caucasian ethnicity. I am married to a 35 year old, wonderful man named Frank. We have a 10 year old daughter named Kaylee and 2 male shih tzus (dogs) named Cody (3) and Cooper (2.5). Together, we all reside in Overland Park, KS which is a large suburb of Kansas City. Kansas really isn't all that bad and it's definitely different than most people imagine. We live amongst million dollar mansions, in one of the richest counties in KS. However, we live in an apartment home, which is like a town home. We hate the KS weather and it's unpredictability but the area is nice and clean and most importantly, safe.

I work with student loans. I help students who are having financial difficulties, postpone their payments on their federal student loans. My husband works with computers. I get confused when I ask exactly what he does, so I'll leave it at that but I will add that he is pretty high on the totem pole. Not just a techie who answers to everyone else. He is very good at what he does but he no longer enjoys it and is trying desperately to find another ob but the market is so bad that he can't find anything without taking a $10,000.00-$20,000.00 pay cut. With prices the way they are, a cut like that would be impossible.

Unfortunately, I live with lupus and it affects every aspect of our lives. If I didn't have lupus, I would be able to work like a normal human being, bringing home money and contributing a great deal to our finances. But it doesn't work like that. I miss work all the time, I never know when I will be sick and therefore it all rests on Frank's shoulders. And believe me, he feels the weight.

On to happier things...I have a 9 1/2 year old sister, Kennis and an 11 year old brother, Taylor. I also have an 18 year old sister, Rachael. We are all very close, much closer than most siblings and yet we don't see each other very often. Rachael lives in Springfield, MO as does the majority of my family and Kennis and Taylor live here in town with their dad who inundates their schedules with numerous sports and other activities so that they never have time to see the family or their mom. It is a very difficult situation, I'm afraid.

I only started reading blogs a few months ago and I must say I am rather addicted. I believe I have over 300 blogs in my favorites list. The blogs I enjoy the most are medical blogs (nurses, doctors etc...), veterinary blogs (vet techs, vet students etc...), animal blogs, dog blogs, giveaway blogs and any other blog I come across that catches my attention. Other people's lives are so much more interesting than mine!

I am a pescetarian (a vegetarian who does eat seafood) and my husband is on the road to being a vegetarian. He loves meat but is having a harder and harder time eating it after everything he has seen and read. I love him for that. He just isn't the type that you would expect to give up sausage, bacon and hamburgers because of animal cruelty. I mean, just because he is this big, tough guy, but he has a heart and a conscience. We've learned alot together about animal cruelty in the past few years. I won't go into it now though.

I drive a Toyota Corolla and the hubs drives a Land Rover Discovery which is killing us. The Land Rover is a gas guzzler and hubs doesn't even drive with the a/c on. But it is such a nice car, classic to look at and it is a big car which is something that hubs, at 6'1 needs. Plus he deserves to drive a car that shows his success. However, with gas prices where they are right now, we have been doing all of our driving in the Corolla.

I think I have introduced myself pretty well. If you're curious about anything else, please let me know and I'll do my best to enlighten you.

Oh and pretty soon I will add some of my favorite blogs to my blog list BUT there are so many I don't know how to choose. Send me a link to your blog so I can check it out :) The hubs' is franknbeanz.wordpress.com Check him out. He just started and is a damn good writer. Just don't listen to anything he says about me...unless it's good of course :)

Money is going to kill me, or lack of it anyway.

So how is everyone doing it? Gas prices, food prices, just where are we supposed to get the extra money to cover these rises in costs? I am so stressed all the time now because of money. Hubs is stressed all the time over money. It's like everyday is run by how much everything costs. Can we go to the park today? Nope, too far away, will take up too much gas. Can we go out to eat today? Nope, prices have gone up and besides we need the extra money for gas. We need groceries. Well we have to cut back since everything has gone up. Cut back on milk, cut back on meat. Cut back on cereal. I am at my wits end. Any advice on ways to cut back?

On top of all the stresses we are dealing with as far as money is concerned, Cody ripped his rear dew claw today. My poor baby. We didn't hear it happen or see it happen and he is always with us so it is odd that we didn't notice. Hubs picked him up and was playing with him on his back as usual. Cody was getting snippy and acted like he was in pain. On closer inspection (thank you hubs for looking closely) he found Cody's nail bleeding and hanging on for dear life. My first reaction was to clean it and take him to the vet tomorrow. Upon further inspection I noticed it had just happened and was bleeding alot. Every time I touched it he cried. I tried to wrap it but that lasted all of 3 minutes before he had the wrap in his front paws chewing on it like a chewie. So that was it. I called our local vet who is open on Sunday and asked if we could come in without an appt. They told me to bring him in and drop him off and they would call me with an estimate. Great.

I drop Cody off with specific instructions that due to his chronic kidney disease, I did not want him anesthetized unless absolutely necessary. I get a call 15 minutes after I left the vet. "Mrs. Bruce? Hi. This is Dr. Neira. I got a closer look at Cody's dew claw and unfortunately it looks as if he tore it all the way below the quick. It needs to be removed and he needs to be sedated for that." I ask if there are any other options due to health risks and sedation. She said that local anesthetic doesn't work in the area they are dealing with and his anesthesia and meds both are more expensive due to his kidney disease. So how much is the damage? $255 not including all the follow up stuff. AND the kicker is the nail will grow back so this could happen all over again! Removing the entire dew claw would consist of removing the bone which is the same as de-clawing a cat which we all know is horrible torture, the same as amputating a human's fingers down to their first knuckle. Not an option.

Cody woke up safely. We picked him up at 4:30 and he has been passed out every since. He lifts his head to look around every hour or so and then goes back to sleep. I took some pictures which I will post as soon as they have been transfered to the computer.

I feel so badly for my little baby. He moans and looks at me with these eyes like "what happened?" I am in mommy overdrive.

Please keep him in your thoughts. I am scared that the sedative and meds and stress might cause his kidney disease to further act up. I pray not.

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Lupus Sunday

Woke up at 10:30. Felt exhausted and achey. Fed my sister breakfast then we did some Father's Day arts n crafts. Fed the clan lunch. Decided against taking a shower since I was going to clean and get all sweaty. I cleaned out our armoire which we will hopefully sell at the upcoming garage sale. Took me 3 hours to clean that out. In the middle of that, with stuff strewn all over the dining room, on the floor, on the table, on the chairs...is when I had to stop and take Cody to the vet. Got back and finished the armoire. Laid down with Cooper since we was unsettled wondering where Cody was. From that point on, I really didn't pay much attention to my pain or exhaustion. I was running on adrenaline. S0 not much of a report on today's lupus happenings.

As of right now, it's thundering, lightening and raining. We are all 4 of us in bed, everyone passed out except for me. Frank has a pillow over his face, Cody is laying between us in a fetal position with his head under Frank's arm. Cooper is asleep at my feet. I love my family. It's times like this that I smile and just want to watch them all sleep. No king size bed for us.

Lupus on Saturday

Today was a hard day. I'm not sleeping very well so I was exhausted. My sister was being dropped off at 10am so I got up at 9:45 so I would be awake when she got here. My throat/ears/head have hurt all day.

Our day started at 1:30 when we met our Realtor to look at a few houses. 5 to be exact. And I think we found the perfect house for us. Well of course not "perfect" but the best we have come across. 3 hours in the scorching heat, looking at old, dirty houses, breathing in paint fumes and dank smokey carpet, really wore me out. One of the houses had 5 bedrooms and a pool complete with slide and diving board. It was full of dark green/brown water. I would not want to empty that pool. Can you imagine what you might find down there? Dead animals, dead people? Ugh...

Anyway, came home and took a 2 hour nap. A much needed, much enjoyed nap. Ate some dinner. Watched a movie with hubs. Took the boys on a walk, come to find out Frank had already taken them on one today. We brought Coop home after one lap and took Cody for a longer second lap. I hope they sleep well tonight. I know I will.

I'm achey and over done. This house hunting stuff is wearing me out and it's not close to being over. Let's say we put in an offer, then there is packing, the garage sale this weekend, moving, Justin's wedding in August and then unpacking the new house. How am I going to get through this? I don't even feel up to doing the laundry tomorrow. I need strength. Now where can I get some?

Lupus today

OK so today wasn't the greatest day lupus wise. I woke up at 9:30 to Cody whining at me to wake up. I told him I still needed to sleep and rolled over and slept until 10:30. I had to meet Frank at noon to look at a house so I DID get up and get ready.

I've had a killer migraine all day and it hasn't let up no matter how many meds I take.

Pain wise I'd say I'm at about a 5. So pain wise it is a very good day.

This Paxil makes me eat more though and that is not good. I find myself wanting to munch all the time.

My energy level is through the floor today. I have downed two coffee drinks and still feel no relief. My eyelids are drooping and I'm having a hard time staying awake.

I did make it to work for 3 hours. Just enough time to make my migraine worse.

I walked the boys, watched two movies with Frank and now it's bedtime.

So that's it for Friday, June 6th.

I don't usually do this but...

As someone who is always looking for a way to make some extra money, I wanted to pass this along. The website is called dealbarbiepays and so far I have made $54.00. You can't cash out until you reach $20 but the extra money is nice. Too bad I have had to put it toward our bills :) Just know, only one person per household/workplace etc...can have an acct. They check ips and ban duplicate accts. Anyway, to use me as a referral go here:

dealbarbiepays

Let me know if you sign up!

For the next week...

I am going to keep track of what my life is like with lupus. Obviously I have been doing that already but I am actually going to make a mental note of what I do and how I feel all day long. Starting tomorrow. I just want to see exactly what my ups and downs are in just one week. Stay tuned...

Random things about me

I found this on another blog and thought it looked fun. So here goes.

27 Questions

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what did you think? “My face looks nice and clear today. Wow, that spot from the tanning bed looks better. Why are my arms so fat? And my stomach…ugh. Why can’t I just tone up? Look at my clothes, I need new clothes. I just don’t look good anymore. Oh! I am going to be late. Better get going…”

2. How much cash do you have on you? None currently on me because I am in bed.

3. What’s a word that rhymes with “TEST”? Nest

4. Favorite planet? Earth

5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone? Walgreen’s Pharmacy

6. What is your favorite ring on your phone? Vibrate. All the others drive me nuts.

7. What shirt are you wearing? A salmon colored, cowl neck tank.

8. Do you “label” yourself? I label myself as a wife and as a mother. A daughter and a granddaughter. A niece and a sister.

9. Name the brand of shoes you’re currently wearing now: None, I am currently in bed. The shoes I wore today were from Target.

10. Bright or Dark Room? Dark

11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you? I think that Misadventurous Melissa is funny, witty and an amazing dog mom!

12. What were you doing at midnight last night? Ha ha! Having some middle of the night fun with hubs!

13. What did your last text message you received on your cell say? “Meet me here at 12:15.”

14. Where is your nearest 7-11? 119^th and Quivira. 10 minutes from me.

15. What’s a saying(s) that you say a lot? “Can’t never did anything.” And “A bored person is a boring person.”

16.Who told you they loved you last? My husband.

17. Last furry thing you touched? My doggies

18. How many days of work did you miss this week? One. So far. It’s Wednesday.

19. How many rolls of film do you need to get developed? One underwater camera. Other than that we always use digital.

20. Favorite age you have been so far? 23

21. Your worst enemy? Lupus

22. What is your current desktop picture? Bright, colorful flowers.

23. What was the last thing you said to someone? “Cooper why are you kicking Mommy?”

24. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly, which would you choose? A million bucks.

25. Do you love someone? I love my husband. I love my doggies. I love my daughter, my mother, my sisters, my brother, my grandma, my great grandma, my aunt, my uncle, Alvina, Gene, Jay, Kris, Jaymie, Brandon, Bryce and Hunter, my god mom, my god dad and all my god family. I love my mother-in-law, my brother-in-law, my sister-in-law and my niece. Have I forgotten anyone?

26. The last song you listened to? “Saving all my love for you.”

27. Carmen Electra or Pam Anderson? Carmen Electra

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11 Random Things About Me:

1. I Lived in an attic for a couple years as a kid. Complete with ladder.

2. I Moved 15 times before I went away to college.

3. I had 2 childhood best friends who I later attended high school with where they were practically enemies/strangers.

4. I failed math all 4 years of high school and attended summer school for it every summer. Once I made it to college I aced 2 semesters in a row.

5. I am obsessed with the internet. I read blogs/gossip websites/etc…everyday. It is 11:50pm and I lay here in a drug induced stupor (legal, prescription meds), eyes barely open, just trying to read a little more.

6. I was raised very religious. I attended Christian school from pre-school-5^th grade and again from 7^th-8^th grade then attended Catholic school 9^th-12^th. I no longer believe in God.

7. I used to hate animals. That is so embarrassing. I didn’t want to hurt them or anything, I just thought they were dirty and I avoided them. Now I preach to everyone about animal rights and protection, give to all the animal charities, volunteer at the local no kill shelter, foster animals in need and have 2 dogs whom I love absolutely to death!

8. I like to read erotica but do not enjoy watching porn.

9. I am very interested in very rare diseases/disorders/birth defects. Two I like to read up on are Primordial Dwarfism and Conjoined twins. Medical marvels if you will.

10. I love watching “A Baby Story” and other baby/family shows even though I do not want a baby of my own.

11. I could spend my day watching just about any kind of reality tv imaginable. I just love reality shows. I don’t even remember what life was like before reality tv and I hope we never go back.

My boring life

Well a few new things are going on. First, the hubs and I are house hunting. We thought this would be fun but 2 days into the "hunt" we are exhausted, disappointed and already losing hope that we will find what we want, in our price range, within the 8 weeks we have. Not too much to ask right? :) We have looked at 7 houses so far. One I really loved but there were some things that made it not right for us. Hardly any closet space, only one bathroom (unless you count the room in the basement with one toilet perched 3 feet in the air) and it sits on a busy street which is dangerous when you have dogs. Other than that, I loved it. But hubs doesn't want to settle. After 2 days of looking he is ready to throw in the towel and just go back to looking at rentals.

House buying is scary. How do people afford to fix everything themselves? We have rented forever and the amount of things we have had break in the last 9 years really scares me. I never thought about it before but now that I am contemplating having to pay for all of it...now I see how it all adds up.

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I finally was able to come off of an evil prescription drug that I have been unable to come off of for over 4 years. How was I suddenly able to come off of it? My doc prescribed a new drug to replace the old drug. I was scared as hell and waited until the weekend to try it. Usually if I am a couple hours late taking the evil drug, I become sick. Well 2 days have come and gone and I am fine. Absolutely afreakinmazing!! I can't tell you how happy I am! Now this new drug is also hard to come off of but I have taken it before and don't remember having trouble coming off of it. So hopefully it won't be a problem when the time comes.

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I realized that I haven't written hardly anything about my boys Cody and Cooper. That strikes me as completely odd since they are a huge part of my life. They are my anti-depressants, no doubt about it. They get me up in the morning even when I am sick as hell. They make me smile even when I am crying my eyes out. They bring joy to my life in every way possible. I just love them so very much. Sometimes I wonder if I am turning into some crazy dog lady. It's just that the feelings that I feel for Cody and Cooper are so huge, so real and so raw that I feel like people will laugh at me if they truly knew how I felt about my babies.

I can't/won't/don't want kids of my own so Cody and Cooper are my sons. I realize they are dogs but we communicate. We have an entire language between us. No, I don't talk in tongues to them but I do believe that they understand me and I believe that they do things to make me understand them as well. Hubs thinks I am borderline crazy when it comes to this but all that has taught me is to just keep it to myself. I see it in their eyes, they know I understand them. That's all that matters.

I deal with alot of guilt when it comes to my boys. They have a good life, I know that, but they could have a better life if I weren't sick. I don't take them on daily walks like they need. I can't. Sometimes it is all I can do to get out of bed and take them potty, let alone a walk. And a walk would be alot easier if Cooper didn't stop to smell every blade of grass that has ever been touched by canine, feline, rodent, reptile, amphibian, insect, mammal or bird feet. Poor Coop. He has such trouble walking, he just walks a few feet then stops to smell everything and to give his legs a rest.

OK so more to feel guilty about...They don't eat a normal dog diet. However, the dog food is what poisoned them in the first place AND all of their vets are aware of their diet and tell me the important thing is just to keep Cody eating, no matter what it is. I still feel horrible about it and feel like I have failed them in some way by feeding them poisoned food in the first place.

I am sick all the.damn.time. SO...my boys have adapted and now they sleep all day right along with me. Dad/hubs takes them out at 6:30am to potty. They come back to bed. We sleep until 9:30-10:00am (on weekends more like 10:30-11:00am) and then get up to eat breakfast. At this point they usually get 15-20 minutes out on the deck, which they love. Then we go back to lay down. We lay down for another 30 min-an hour and then I take a bath. At this point I can tell if I am too sick to make it to work. If I am, it's back to bed where we stay until about 5:30-6:00pm (with one more potty break in there). If I make it to work they go out to potty then come in and back to bed they go while I leave for work. Dad/hubs then gets home about 4:30pm, takes them out to go potty and then plays his video games for a couple hours. Depending on the weather, he will usually open the deck so the boys can lounge out there. I get home, make dinner and the rest of the evening is spent on the couch watching a movie or in bed watching a movie. I do play with their toys with them and so does Dad/hubs. They go on 2-3 walks a week and we play fetch in the house. But really....is this enough for them?

When we sleep, Cody snuggles against my back, or against my side, or right on top of my stomach. Cooper sleeps either snuggled against my outer thigh or at the end of my feet. I do scratch them, rub them, scritch them, pat them etc...when I am laying down with them. I constantly talk to them and love on them so they don't sit there in silence and boredom. I miss them when I am at work, I miss them when I am out running errands. I just love to be with them and I really hope they love being with me too.

OK. Mush session is over. I feel the same way about my husband but he says he is always an after thought. It's not true though. I go on and on to the boys because they don't say anything back. They don't make fun of me or roll their eyes, or interrupt so I say stuff to them all the time. I think the same stuff about hubs but I don't express it verbally as often just because of the conversation that goes with it. You know? Well, it makes sense it my head :)