More pics of my loves

Me and sweet Coop

Me and Cody Bear

Coop and Cody

Cody giving himself a back rub.

Coop's sweet profile.

Cody excited to have found the ball buried in the chair!

Cody hanging off the chair after finding the ball.

Coop just chillin.

Yummy chewies after Cody's day at the vet.

Some cushion in the kitchen for Cody's dew claw.

More cushion in the kitchen.

Natural beauties.

In the car after fun at the park.

Cody playing in the wind.

Coop smiles for the camera.

Sweet boy.

Worst dog mom ever...

March 14, 2010- I am feeling really down in the dumps. I have caused my boys unnecessary discomfort and I am really upset about it. A while back I was told to give my boys Kaopectate for their diarrhea. Well our pharmacies didn't carry it but the pharmacist told me it was exactly the same as Pepto Bismol. So...that's what I have been using. I told my vet this last week AND told her that I was following a pharmacist's advice. She was ok with it. Fast forward to today...now remember how I said I haven't seen the boys have bowel movements? Granted, I haven't been out with them every time but usually I can tell because they get a dirty butt and have to be cleaned off. Anyway, I decided to google it tonight and found out that A.) Pepto causes constipation and B.) I have been giving them a double dose. Cody has been given pepto every day for a little over a week. Cooper has had it on and off for a week. It actually says 1/4 tablet up to 20lbs every 6-8 hours so I guess they can have 1/2 tablet in one day, which is what they have been given...however, it also says not to continue usage after a couple days. So since I had just given Cody a dose (however, tonight I gave him 1/4 just because I wondered about the constipation) I gave him hydrogen peroxide to make him throw up, which he did. However, it may have been too late. I didn't see any pink stuff. Poor baby. Wouldn't eat any treats or drink after that. Come to think of it...that's bad. Excuse me for a minute while I make him drink a few droppers full of water so he stays hydrated for his kidneys...

OK so I didn't come back and finish last night. I didn't make it to bed until late. After giving Cody hydrogen peroxide with the syringe, he no longer trusted it for water and that was a BIG mistake. He usually loves taking water from the syringe and when he gets really sick, that is the only way I can get him to drink. Please...let him forget that hydrogen peroxide and like the syringe again. I can't believe I didn't think about that beforehand.

So after trying and failing to give him 5 syringes (about 4 total tsp) of water, he fought them all and only drops made it down his throat, I decided it was time for action. When he gets dehydrated, his kidneys suffer and he gets really sick. So at midnight, I decided to take him downstairs and play ball. We did for 12 minutes, and that may not seem like a long time, but at midnight, 12 minutes of playing ball is an eternity. Then we came upstairs and I decided to try to give him something to eat. No go. He wouldn't even eat his favorite beef jerky or reeses pieces. BUT amazingly playing ball had made him thirsty and he drank quite a bit of water (as I am typing this he is drinking more water!!) I did get him to eat 1 1/2 tiny pup corn treats, but he barely ate them. Then at 12:15 we came to bed. We slept in, he definitely slept in as he didn't even get out of bed when I got up to eat my cereal.

Anyway back to yesterday- It was a slow day, I was exhausted and we didn't do much which I feel awful about but I have to take care of myself or all hell will break loose. Daddy brought home some hamburgers for the boys for lunch. Between them, they split one (Cody hardly ate any) and another for dinner which again Cody hardly ate any of. He wasn't interested in food yesterday at all, even the duck treats he didn't want and those are usually one of his favorites.

Back to March 14th- Cody DID have a bowel movement. I couldn't tell if he was straining or just going alot, because it was dark. But he DID! YAY!! Now I am going to take Cooper and he on a walk to see if I can get Cooper to have a bowel movement. Guess it will have to wait until after work though as the Census workers are out and causing the entire neighborhood of dogs to bark their heads off.

We played for a total of about 30 minutes yesterday. Not much, I know. We slept most of the day. I just could barely get out of bed. Hopefully this week will be better.

March 13, 2010

I am exhausted so this is going to be short. The stress of all this has really taken it all out of me. I can barely keep my eyes open and can't think about anything else.

March 12, 2010- Cody threw up for the first time since he started taking his antibiotics. He threw up around 7am and then came back to bed. When I got out of bed at 9am I tried coaxing him to eat something, anything so I could give him his antibiotics and fish oil. He didn't want anything. He didn't even want one of his favorite things which is beef jerky. After trying my hardest to get him to eat and failing completely, I had Frank try and he was able to get him to eat some beef jerky. After he ate some for Frank, he then ate some for me but he still didn't want to eat anything else. I stopped by Whole Foods and picked up some ground lamb to try since it is the lowest in phosphorus. Guess what? He loved it! I had only purchased 1/4 lb though because that is what was already in the grinder and the guy actually gave it to me for free since I didn't know if he would actually eat it or not. Other than the not wanting to eat, he did pretty well overall. It was another cold, rainy day. He still doesn't seem to be pottying as much as usual. I also haven't seen either he or Cooper have a bowel movement and that is really strange. Need to keep my eye on that one. We played for about 40 minutes with the stuffed wienie and the ball. Really got their hearts pumping!

Back to March 13, 2010- Cooper isn't really eating today. He ate a little but not much and when I tried to feed him, he ran away. It is a cold, rainy day, so maybe he is tired and in pain. Going to keep my eye on him. Drove out to De Soto to a butcher shop to get some lamb. They were out of the frozen, which is what they actually carry, but he happened to have some in the back that he ground for me while I was there. I served it for dinner, made too much, should have only made about 1/3 lb. But I made a little over and with Cooper not eating, there was a bunch left over. Cody loved it again, but we're talking he eats about 1/8 of a lb. Cooper usually would have eaten the rest but he didn't want it. He did eat some chicken lunch meat though (Cooper) so maybe he is just sick of the ground turkey/lamb. I don't know if it is richer or something, but who knows? And again, during a movie, we played with the ball and the stuffed wienie as well as Cooper's baby. I am loving playing with them on the floor at their level. I do it all the time, but it's just so fun to do it while watching a movie because I am not missing anything and I am getting 2 things done at once.

I have emailed the lawyer for the pet food recall lawsuit to ask for some sort of letter that states where the lawsuit currently stands so I can give it to my vet so he knows I am not making any of this up. It really is taking this long. I hope they don't forget about us. There are some of us that are living this every day still. My Cody is not even 5 yet and in chronic renal failure. It isn't fair. We need justice.

March 11, 2010

Not much to report today. Cody really didn't want to eat much at all today. Basically he ate some duck jerky, pupcorn, chicken jerky, 2 mini dentastix and some noodles. I tried giving him the chicken thighs from the other night and he wasn't interested. Cooper was though LOL I have to keep something in his stomach to give him his antibiotic, which thankfully he has not thrown up yet. We also tried vanilla yogurt and strawberry yogurt to see if that would be something he would tolerate so he could take his meds. He liked the strawberry but not the vanilla. I called it "ice cream" because he knows what that is :)

He took another play bath this morning and once again, it didn't seem to hurt his dew claw. I have decided that if he acts like he wants to play in the bath, I'll let him. At least it's a bright spot in his day.

It was cold and rainy again so we were unable to take a walk. I did play with he and Cooper for about 40 minutes after dinner. Cooper wasn't too interested in the play time though. Cody jumped from the chair to the sofa over and over and over chasing the ball. He would burrow into the pillows, sticking his tail and hind legs in the air while searching for the little ball. It was hilarious! Cooper played a little bit with us, mostly with the stuffed hot dog. The way he plays with the ball is when he gets it he runs away with it which is not fun for anyone. We also played up stairs while I made dinner. Cooper was much more involved in that. We were playing with the reindeer squeaky.

I didn't give Cooper fish oil today and he didn't throw up. Wonder why fish oil is so hard on his tummy? Even when I give him Pepcid. Hmm...I forgot to mention that Cooper is currently being treated for a yeast infection in his left ear. I am treating it with Panalog ointment. Speaking of Cooper, he is currently licking my hands as I type and making it very difficult. I shouldn't let it annoy me...he is just giving me kisses, it just makes for alot of typos :)

It was a short night, unfortunately. I feel badly because I wanted to play more and spend more time with the boys, but I had work to get done and therefore the night ended at 8pm. I'll make it up to them this weekend.

I need to remember to order some joint supplements for Cody and Cooper...I hate to shove ANOTHER pill down their throats but Cooper especially needs it and the vet says it will help Cody's sliding patella. I sure hope so. They said sometimes it ends up needing to be surgically repaired. Any surgery is dangerous for Cody because of his kidney failure. I sure wish there was a way to surgically fix Cooper's poor legs. I want to cry when I see him run...his legs are just so much worse. Only 4 years old. I wonder how long his little legs will hold out? Poor baby. My goal is to get him to lose 1.5 lbs in the next 2 months (so that would be May 11th). I want him down to 17 lbs again which shouldn't be too hard once the weather is nice. Hopefully that will take a little weight off his poor little joints.

I just love my boys so much. They are the joys of my life. They make me smile a million times every day. They are the reason I don't need to take Prozac. They are my babies. No one can even begin to understand the bond that I have with these little guys. They're just amazing!

My husband is pretty awesome too :) I'll have to update on him later this week.

Keeping my fingers crossed for nice weather so I can take the boys on a much deserved walk.

March 10, 2010

Just a quick update. Cody had a good day. I have noticed that he is drinking more yet not going potty as much as he normally would. For example: last night he went at 8:30pm then again at 3:30am and then he didn't want to go out again until about 11:30am. Usually he would have gone twice as often.

His dew claw is looking less swollen and less red, but still looks bad. He took his first play bath today since his dew claw infection. It didn't seem to hurt him. He loves to jump in the tub and splash around, looking for the clear hair catcher we have. It's only purpose is Cody playing with it. He loves it!

Cooper hasn't seemed to be feeling well. I had started he and Cody back on the fish oil yesterday and both days he has thrown up. I am going to stop giving it to him and see if that helps. He is being active, which is good.

Cody, Cooper and I played with the ball, the stuffed hot dog and the brush for about an hour tonight. Got their heart rates up and got them panting while avoiding Cody chasing after toys and sliding. Last night we played the same way with the little green dog and they loved it. I am trying to keep them active even though Cody can't go to the park for 2 weeks.

Last night I made skin on chicken thighs in olive oil and tonight I made ground turkey in olive oil and a pat of butter for flavor. They both liked it. It is going to be hard to find a balance here. A high fat, low protein, low phosphorus diet is what Cody needs but a high fat diet is the last thing Cooper needs. So...I am giving him some of what I make for Cody, but trying to make more lean and cutting him off instead of giving him as much as he wants. Hopefully I can find a good balance.

I've been alternating giving Cody and Cooper both Pepcid and Pepto Bismol depending on whether they are having acid problems or tummy problems. Cody seems to be doing well with the anti biotics this way. As long as I can keep him eating some food/treats before I give him the antibiotics, I think it will work well. So far I have had to give him peanut butter cookie, captain crunch and treats just to get something in his tummy so he will keep the antibiotics down. Gotta do whatever is necessary. These $60 antibiotics have to stay down so they can do their job.

It's raining and the weather is getting cold again. Hopefully in the next few days I can try taking the boys on a walk. Hopefully Cody will do well with a walk since he won't be sliding around and chasing things. I know they would both really enjoy getting out of the house for something other than a vet visit.

Recent pictures of my boys

Too bad it takes bad news to get me to blog...

I have started numerous blog posts and one thing or another has kept me from finishing and hitting "publish." But now I want to make sure I keep track of what is going on with Cody so that I have it for my own records. It will be written for my own personal use so it won't be like my other blog posts. It will be more like I am taking notes and keeping records. Nothing fun is what I am trying to say.

Saturday March 6th- Cody and Cooper had their comprehensive exam with Dr. Peterson. She was the only vet on staff that day and was very rushed. She did mention to me that Cody's left rear kneecap is loose and most likely pops out every now and then. This would explain why when playing Frisbee, sometimes he limps for a minute and then is fine. I had tried to cut Cody's nails before the appt and he cried which he never does, so I specifically asked her if nail clippers needed to be replaced and she said "yes." She did examine him but somehow, with all of his fur, she didn't see his infected dew claw.

Sunday March 7th- Took Cody and Cooper up the road to the "park" (church field) to play. Cody chased after the Frisbee several times before he started lifting his back paw (which he had done off and on over the past few days when we played Frisbee, but I always thought he had something stuck in his paw) and limping. I stopped and took him home and watched him. He continued to limp, but eventually stopped. I tried to check his paw but he kept crying and wouldn't let me near it (very hard to see through all his fur!) Had him rest and take it easy for the night.

Monday March 8th- Took Cody in to Banfield to have his paw checked out (right rear). Dr. Peterson was in surgery so we saw Dr. Tutemacher. She was able to inspect his paw while I held him. He wrapped his arms around my arms and held on tight. He is such a Mama's boy. She found that he had an infected dew claw. I had suspected the problem was with his dew claw as he has already had this same dew claw surgically removed before after being broken at the base. She shaved and cleaned the area and when we all finally got a good look at it, it was obvious that it was infected! Red, pussy, bloody, swollen and crusty. Poor baby. So 2 weeks of antibiotics and medicated wipes but no pain meds due to his chronic renal failure. So...we're about to leave and Dr. Peterson walks in and says she is sorry that she had been in surgery but she had wanted to talk to me about Cody's bloodwork from Saturday. It had come back and wasn't looking good at all. His kidney levels have jumped, big time. His BUN at this point is 92 and last time it was 60. Now it has been higher before but...this time his Creatinine was 7 and last time it was 3.4. Now the worst part is that both have gone up. His Creatinine has always been stable, now that it isn't, is a very bad sign :( I don't know how this is going to turn out.

As I mentioned, Cody remains very active and happy so this came out of left field and hit me like a ton of bricks! I am hoping that his levels will be lower when we check them again, but it looks like sub q fluids and a low protein/low phosphorus diet are necessary right now. I have to brace myself. This could be it. I am devestated and heart broken! Cody and Cooper are my babies and I would do anything for them! I would go broke to treat them, but my husband and I don't see eye to eye on this, unfortunately. The stress of knowing that my husband may not want to spend the money is really wearing me down.

So...if Cody were on a regular diet (he was taken off of dog food after the pet food recall which is why we are in this situation in the first place) he would be on a prescription kidney diet. But since he won't touch dog food, I am having to do a bunch of research and try to do what's best for him with human food. He mainly eats meat (protein) which is what needs to be restricted now that he is Uremic. Protein and Phosphorus need to be restricted. This will be hard because like I said, meat is his main source of food. He just won't eat much else. I am trying though...

I remembered that Sunday morning I had woken up and told my husband that Cody had been feverish all night and he had cuddled up under the blankets with me which he only does when he is freezing, which he was. He was shivering and shaking for a good hour. I wonder if the infection could be harming his kidneys? Hmm...question for Dr. Peterson.

So, we aren't able to play right now because of his dew claw, so I have just been laying around with both Cody and Cooper, loving on them, rubbing their backs and their bellies, rubbing their ears and their necks, playing with the squeaky (without throwing it which makes Cody chase it and he always slides which is why his dew claw gets ripped), laying with them while they eat their chewies and treats, telling them how much I love them and giving them millions of hugs and kisses. I don't want to take a minute for granted. I am going to try to keep track of how he is doing so I can compare.

Right now his symptoms are:
*Drinking ALOT of water. MORE than the usual.
*Some days he just lays around and isn't very active.
*Some days he doesn't want to eat. But he most always will eat treats. Sometimes he turns them down, but only the Pupcorn.
*He has been vomiting and having diarrhea. Been giving him pepcid and pepto bismol tablets off and on.
*Even though he is drinking more, he seems to be able to hold it longer. However, I hadn't ever tried this before so I don't know if it is different or not. At night, when he wakes me up to go out and potty, if it is either A.) close to when Frank gets up and takes him out or B.) not at least 4 hours from the time Frank takes him out, I will say "we'll go out in a little bit, Cody, lay down and go night night." And he will. Sometimes he even makes it all night, which is 8 hours. He never used to do this, but like I said, I never told him "no" I just always took him out.

This will be my outlet. My husband doesn't want to talk about it and I am sure that friends and family are already sick of it, so hopefully this will help me cope. I am not a crazy dog lady. I love these boys. They are my kids. I would do absolutely anything for them.

Sick house

I am a strange sort of germaphobe. You can ask my family and they will tell you that I have never kissed my family on the lips, never shared a drink with them or eaten from the same utensil as them. I don't like for people to touch my food or god forbid someone cough, breathe or sneeze on my food. That is the end of my meal. So on birthdays we cut a piece of cake for me prior to the candles being blown out. Yes, I am that weird. Yet, I love my dogs' kisses and don't mind them sneezing or coughing on me. I clean up their vomit and other body fluids and have no qualms about it. What is my point, you ask? Well...I am currently living in the germiest house on the block and it is driving me NUTS!

Cody and Cooper both have Bordatella aka Kennel Cough! Even though they are both vaccinated every 6 months for Bordatella, it apparently doesn't give you any sort of guarantee. Coop is starting his 15th day of antibiotics (1 month regimen) and Cody is just finishing his first week's worth. Cooper has had it the worst between the two of them. Hacking so much he throws up, projectile vomiting, drooling, runny nose, goopy eyes and of course the cough. Cody has the runny nose, goopy eyes and has just started the cough. I hope his doesn't get as bad as Coop's. Now this isn't too bad. I love my babies and will take care of them every minute they need it. What's bad then? OUR FOSTER DOG, IVAN!!! That's right. We have a foster pup and have had him for 16 days now. He is only 6-8 weeks old. He is a tyrant, but that is another story LOL. Apparently puppies don't have strong immune systems since they haven't been around long enough for it to build up. So he is SICK! It sounds like he has pneumonia (they checked and he doesn't). Like a kid with croup. He coughs and coughs and coughs and coughs. Not only does he cough, he spits up phlegmy stuff every time he coughs. His nose is running which is making him spit up more stuff as it runs down his throat. It is soooo gross! And then to make matters even worse, he has two types of parasites. Coccydia (don't know if I spelled that right or not) and round worms. I have never had to deal with worms before and let me tell you, it is N-A-S-T-Y!!

I feel sorry for Ivan as he is only a little pup but he doesn't do a good job of playing the "poor, sick puppy" role. He bites, bites, chews and did I say "bites?" He jumps on you and bites, jumps at you and bites, runs at you and bites, sneaks up to you and bites.....We have our hands full to say the least.

So back to the sick house...Cody and Coop are both on a month's worth of Doxycycline. The puppy, Ivan, is on 2 weeks of Doxycycline, 2 weeks of Amoxycillin, and a week of Albon. He has had 3 dewormers too. I am giving so many meds around here that I forget to take my own! The worst part is that Ivan was supposed to be neutered yesterday which would have meant we would only be fostering him for another couple days, but since he is so sick, the neuter has been postponed until next week and most likely we will have him until his meds are gone...at least.

The scary thing is that Kennel Cough (called such because it is prevelant in areas where dogs are confined in close quarters such as kennels, groomers, vets, dog shows etc...) is still contagious for 1-2 months AFTER symptoms have subsided. I am so afraid they will just keep passing it back and forth to each other. No dog parks, no Petsmart etc...for a couple months at least. Tomorrow they get their 2nd round of Bordatella vaccinations so far this year. I have been told that if they hadn't had the vaccine, they would have been a lot more sick. So I am very glad that we keep them up to date on all their vaccines, even if my husband thinks they are a scam now that they both have come down with something they were vaccinated for.

I can hardly eat because all I can think about is the germs. How do you disinfect hard wood floors? Ugh...this is going to be a long 2 weeks until Ivan can be put up for adoption. And before you think I am horrible, when he went to the vet clinic, I had dropped him off because I had to work. I dropped him off about noon and said I would be back at 4:00pm. At 12:45 the vet called and said Ivan was done and she had all his meds ready to go. She said "now when are you coming to get him?" (like she didn't already know) I said "4:00pm as both my husband and I have to work." She said "4:00? Oh my gosh...ok. Well, he is going off over here (he screeches this high pitched screech all day long and during the night some too. It used to be most of the night). I guess it will be a long day." Yes, the vet who works at an animal shelter, who deals with dogs, puppies, cats and kittens all day, every day, was exasperated by Ivan. He is just a handful. Needless to say, we will not be fostering puppies again. Dogs, yes. Puppies, no.

Wish me luck!

Happy to be a vegetarian!

I have been a vegetarian for going on 2 years now. It has been pretty difficult to find foods that are fulfilling and yummy at the same time. In fact, I am probably the UNhealthiest vegetarian you will ever meet. I live on french fries and ice cream, I am not fond of veggies and tofu makes me gag. Because of this, I was actually a pescetarian (fish eater) for most of the 2 years but have recently cut fish out of my diet as well.

People are always asking why I chose to become a vegetarian. Well, without writing a really long post, I will briefly touch on my reasons. I do not live a vegetarian lifestyle for health reasons, I do it for moral reasons. I do not agree with the way animals are slaughtered for our use. If you haven't seen the videos, I urge you to watch them. There is nothing humane about the meat industry. It isn't that I believe that people shouldn't eat animals, it is that I believe we have commercialized the industry so much that we no longer show any respect to the animals. Ramming electric rods up pig's and cow's anuses and vaginas. Slamming chickens and baby pigs against the ground when they are "uncooperative." Crowding hundreds of animals together with no room to even turn around or lay down, while expecting them to live in these conditions for months. Stunning a cow (which doesn't actually work) then slitting their throat and watching them convulse as they bleed to death. Slitting the throats of chickens as they hang in front of you, then throwing them in a pot of boiling water before they are even dead. Throwing male chicks into a gigantic blender because they are unable to produce eggs. These are just a few examples. And there is a ton of evidence proving all of this, don't even try to say it is made up propaganda. (Some people don't believe it even when shown the proof).

So...I choose to be a vegetarian for moral reasons. If I knew the animals were being humanely treated while alive and humanely euthanized, I would be able to eat their meat. But since the industry is a cruel, cruel reality, I choose not to eat meat. My husband has eaten only chicken for over a year and recently has taken the step to eliminate even chicken from his diet. I am so proud of him because like me, he does not like alot of vegetables or healthy foods. We eat mostly pastas and Mexican dishes made with beans instead of meat.

Anyway, the point of this post is that we tried Morningstar vegetarian bacon and vegetarian Grillers Prime (hamburgers) and we are IN LOVE!! I can't even tell you just how good they are! The bacon (fakon is what I call it) tastes like turkey bacon and the Grillers Prime taste JUST like a hamburger. So yummy! I am just so excited about this! I have eaten so many unfulfilling meals since cutting meat out of my diet, gone to bed hungry so many times and now...there are a multitude of options for me. All vegetarian: Maple flavored sausage patties, original sausage patties, sausage crumbles (for biscuits and gravy), hamburger crumbles (we can have TACOS again!!), chicken nuggets, chicken patties, bbq riblets and so much more! I can't wait to try them all. The 2nd best part (the best being that they are cruelty free) is that their prices are comparible to their meat counterparts. Yay!

So please, tell your friends and family that they can eat yummy things that are cruelty free and are also lower in fat, calories and cholesterol! They taste great and you can feel good about eating them. I am so happy I decided to try the Morningstar brand. It took us so long to try it because we had tried BOCA veggie burgers at Burger King before and YUCK! They were NOT good. So we shyed away from trying anything vegetarian after that. Thankfully we found the Morningstar brand though because they make delicious meat free options!

Appreciating the small things.

I am not going to deny it, I am addicted to reading blogs. However, the sorts of blogs that I choose to spend hours upon hours reading are not what you would describe as "cheery" or "uplifting." I read about:

* baby Jonah who was born with a rare skin disorder
http://patriceandmattwilliams.blogspot.com/

* baby Kayleigh who is fighting for her life http://kayleighannefreeman.blogspot.com/ UPDATE: Unfortunately, Kayleigh lost her fight for life. RIP baby Kayleigh.

* sweet Summer who is 3 years old and has cancer http://shelightsupmylife.blogspot.com/

*Heather, a young mom who is currently undergoing chemo http://thesnydernews.blogspot.com/

*Nienie who survived a plane crash with her husband http://nieniedialogues.blogspot.com/

*C who lost her infant son at birth http://theinterruptedgirl.blogspot.com/

*Noah who is currently in the NICU after being shaken by his daycare provider http://www.noahsroad.com/

*Matt who lost his wife the day after she gave birth to their baby girl Madeline
http://www.mattlogelin.com/

These are the stories I read daily. These people are going through so much and yet they continue to stay strong. The strangest part is these people are all very in touch with their spiritual sides. I on the other hand am an agnostic married to an atheist, but I can't stop reading these blogs. I do admit to skimming over the Bible verses but other than that, I read every word. These stories, these people inspire me. I want to appreciate my life and my family more. I need to make a point of it. I know my husband feels under appreciated and I know it is my job to make him feel appreciated. I am going to try. I know my babies are not getting the daily attention they need and I am going to try to rectify that as well. I am also going to try to stay in touch with my family more whether by mail, email, phone or in person. My own aunt is currently living with Multiple Myeloma and enduring weekly chemo. I need to make it a point to be more of a constant in her life.

I am going to try to enjoy my life more, even if there aren't many days I can fully enjoy. I am going on day 8 in bed with the not so swine flu...so I have been pretty down, but at least I know this will end and I will get to enjoy the days to come.

I just need to work on appreciating my family, my life and my health (what little I have). That is my mid year's resolution.

From now on I want to make note of the small things that make me happy. Here is my list for today:

*Having the luxury of staying home when I am sick. Thankfully I have a job that allows it and a husband who understands.

*The grunting noise that Cody has been making for about the past month. It is so soft, so sweet and like music to my ears. Even at 4:00am as he does it on my pillow next to my ear.

*The softness of my boys' hair when they have a fresh haircut. Nothing compares. It is like running your hand across mink.

*Having a husband who works hard, very, very hard and then comes home and works hard here too. All to take care of his family. Even if he hates it, he does it for us. (Thank you, Honey).

*Watching my boys entertain themselves by wrestling with each other and the moaning and groaning that goes along with it.

*The sweetness that is Cody laying across my lap while I try to type this post.

*The sweet way Cody nudges my hand to get me to rub his head and ears.

*Knowing that every time I put on lip gloss, Cooper will come running to lick my finger. And how I can always count on him trying to run off with the lip gloss tucked into his mouth.

*The cute, hurried way Cooper runs to the bedroom when it is night night time.

*The comforting way Cody curls up on my pillow and on dad's pillow to sleep.

*The sweet way both Cody and Cooper turn into snuggle bugs when they get a hair cut.

*The kind way my husband is always willing to make an extra stop for me if I want food from someplace different than everyone else.

*The way my Mom calls to make sure I am taking my probiotics.

*The way my 10 year old sister emails me and keeps me up to date on her life.

*The way my step daughter is open to discussion, rather than getting defensive. Though I am sure this won't last much longer since we are entering the teen years.

Writer's Block

I know I haven't posted in over a month. Things have happened. Even interesting things have happened but I just don't feel like writing. Not that anyone is reading anyway lol but I want to have record of the fun things and the sad things and the mundane things that happen to me so I can read them 30 years from now and reminisce about what life was like. But for now, there is nothing. I just don't feel like getting into details so I will briefly show all that has gone on in the past month and 1/2.

*Bella (aka Della) had to be put to sleep. In the end she was miserable but she was thankful that my mom gave her a 2nd chance at life even if only for a month. RIP Bella Della.

*We fostered Bella (aka Della) for a month before Mom adopted her to give her hospice in her last days. She was suffering from renal failure, liver failure and some tumor of unknown origin. Poor girl. She was so needy...she just wanted love. She was completely deaf and had cataracts that caused her to be blind in the dark. An old girl that ended up on the streets alone.

*I had 2 cavities filled (due to meds) that caused a month long green bruise on my cheek which caused people to refer to me as Rihanna. Not to mention the pain. Oh the pain. It is almost 8 weeks later and I still can't sleep on my side because my face hurts so much. Nor can I chew with the right side of my mouth.

*Mastoiditis. A long, painful infection of the mastoid bone which required 2 rounds of extremely dangerous antibiotics. Thankfully that is over.

*I visited my family in Springfield. Kennis came with me. Had a blast even if I was sick the entire time. Mom cut and colored my hair AND straightened it for the first time in my life! Strange feeling after having curly hair for 28 years but it isn't permanent. Wash it and the curls are back!

*More roof leaks. On our "guaranteed" roof work.

*Frank discovered a field up the road from us which is perfect for taking the boys to play frisbie. We have had alot of fun there. However, every time I take them...they rub themselves in something disgusting and I in turn have to come home and bathe them. Cooper found a dead mouse there too. Decided to carry it around in his mouth. OMG disgusting!!!

*KC Pet Expo was a blast! Tons and tons of animals there. Animal Haven had a few adoptions that I am aware of. One was a big, fat cat that Kaylee pushed around in a stroller the entire time. I am talking fat....like over 20 lbs fat. But that was what made her special.

*Frank made me a fabulous dinner to welcome me home from Springfield. He is probably regretting it now because I am requesting it ALL THE TIME. It was a balsamic vinegar, garlic and honey reduction glazed salmon filet with garlic rice, an artichoke and garlic butter. So freaking yummy! I had it again last night and my mouth is watering just thinking about it.

*I lost 17 lbs. Well this is over the course of about 6 months but the last 12 lbs has been in the last 3 months and I don't know what the deal is. I am NOT complaining because I need to lose weight and want to but I haven't exactly been trying. That's ok with me though. :) Just sucks because I don't have clothes that fit right now.

*Everyone and their mother (literally) is pregnant. Jaclyn, Suzie, Itza (Suzie's mom), Natalie and another girl too (but she isn't really a friend, I just work with her). So many pregnancy hormones. And no pregnancy blues on my part, that's for sure!

*Cooper fell off the bed....Poor baby. He landed with a giant thud at about 2:30am. Scared the crap out of me!

*When I got home from Springfield...Cody was so depressed he would hardly look at me. He is usually soooooo over excited to see me even if I have been gone 10 minutes. But apparently I devestated him by leaving for 2 1/2 days. It took him one day to snap out of it but needless to say it broke my heart. Poor baby.

*Kaylee decided the flute was not for her.

*We had Easter with all the kids. We did a hunt with clues for the baskets and they had a blast!

*Kennis' blood sugars have been running low (like 40-50) for over a month. Tim keeps saying he is going to call the dr. but hasn't. He also keeps promising she will get the pump at her next visit but has not made her an appt yet. They specifically told us that appts needed to be scheduled months in advance. There is something seriously wrong with that man.

I think that should do it! If I remember something, I will come back and add it.

Happy Birthday Lovebug!!

Yes, I am a few days late with this post, but I have been sick. My darling husband turned 36 on Saturday, Feb 28th. I love this man more than I can even explain. We definitely have our ups and downs but I know that every day when I wake up, he will be there for me. He loves me and takes care of me and I couldn't ask for more.

Happy Birthday Babe. I truly hope you enjoyed your birthday. I wish I was able to give you everything you desire, maybe someday. But thank you for sticking it out with me through thick and thin. Hopefully 2009 will be better for you babe. I truly hope that you get everything you want and deserve this year.

Just like having a baby

Now I know not everyone agrees but mostly the people who don't agree have never had a dog. Take it from me; dogs are just like having babies!! Sometime I even feel like they are harder than having an actual human baby. A few examples would be 1.) A baby gets to wear a diaper. You don't have to take a human baby outside in the freezing cold (rain, snow, ice etc...) to let it go potty at all hours of the night (ie: 2:00 AM) 2.) Doctors are not allowed to deny your human baby medical treatment if you don't have the means of paying for it. It doesn't matter if it is a life or death situation or not. If you don't have the funds, all of the funds, they won't treat your dog. It doesn't matter that your dog IS your baby. 3.) With a human baby you don't have to buy expensive prescriptions for them to take PREVENTATIVELY. Which I am happy to do, by the way.

So take last night for example...Actually it was this morning at 1:00am. I had JUST fallen asleep after a very painful session of tossing and turning when Cooper jumped up and ran over to the steps that lead off the bed. Now Cooper isn't one who I have to take out in the middle of the night. He likes to sleep and doesn't get up for anything until at least 10 AM. However, I just thought he was being restless so I laid him down and told him to go "night night." He got up again and tried to get down. I was NOT catching on at this point. I told him again to "lay down and go night night." He got up again and this time I let him get down. I was thinking at this point that maybe he had to throw up. So I watched him run to the back door which meant he needed to go OUTSIDE NOW!! So I threw on my robe and let him out. There are 6 stairs leading to the backyard. He made it to the 3rd and just let it rip. Apparently he couldn't wait any longer and had an explosive bowel movement all over the steps. Great.

While I am extremely thankful that he at least made it outside...what do I do with diarrhea all over my back steps at 1 AM when it is like 20 degrees out? He goes on down to the grass when he is finally able to stop himself and continues his business in the grass. I go get a big bowl of steaming hot water to wash the stairs with. Bowl number one did nothing. Bowl number 2 sent some flying shit droplets on to our downstairs window. And bowl number 3 sent some of it flying down below. So on to the baby wipes. I got down and literally wiped up what I could see (and smell). Then, being the conscientious mom that I am, realized that the water would freeze and in less than 6 hours they would be walking down those steps again and I didn't want them breaking a leg or a neck. So I haul out the pet safe ice melt and treat the steps. Frozen watered down diarrhea. Lovely. I decide I will have to wait until daylight to do anything else.

I get Cooper inside, wipe his butt with baby wipes (yes, this is entirely necessary) and realize Cooper had stepped in it. So into the bath he goes. At 1:20 AM. Finally by 1:35 we are back in bed. Need I mention that we just paid $25 to have our comforter dry cleaned and I had literally put it back on our bed on Saturday??? One day. He is clean so it isn't like he is dragging it all over the bed....Right?

At 6:30 AM when the hubs takes the boys out to potty, I sit up and say "there is diarrhea on the back steps. I have to wait until daylight to clean them off. So it would be best if you took the boys through the garage so they don't step in it and track it in the house." What does he do? Skips the garage and takes them down the back stairs where the mess has not been entirely cleaned up. Yeah, great. Maybe he just wasn't thinking clearly because it was so early.

So there is my story. My dogs are my babies and I love them more than anything and am willing to put up with all of this because of the happiness they bring into my life. But if one more "human mommy" tries to tell me that having a dog is nothing like having a baby, I am going to invite her to spend the night at my house for a night. And just for all those people (like anyone is reading :)) who are like "you don't know because you haven't had a human baby" well, I was 16 when my brother was born and my mom broke her leg so most everything was on me at that point. Then I was 18 when my sister was born and I took on alot of the tasks with her as well. Even at the age of 10 when my other sister was born, I was the care taker because my mom was a single mom. I was basically my mom's live in babysitter for many, many years. And my stepdaughter was a year old when I showed up in her life. So my point is...I have definitely been around babies, live in babies and I know how hard they are. MY babies are just as hard. LOL.

Desperate Situation

I didn't disappear. Things have been crazy and I really haven't felt like I could put into words how I am feeling. This will be brief only because the more I think about it, the more upset I get.

Dec 27th 2008 my 10 year old sister (turned 10 in Nov) was diagnosed with type I juvenile diabetes. She is now insulin dependent. There is so much happening with this story and it is such a volatile situation right now that I am not going to go into too many details at this time. Let's just say though that her dad is trying to control every aspect of her illness against all dr's orders and against their advice. He is actually putting her in danger. First it was limiting her food intake. A common misconception about diabetes is that you have a restricted diet. Type 2 is includes diet restriction but not type I. Type I you aren't taken off of anything other than liquid sugar which includes pop, juice, koolaid etc...She can have whatever she wants, she just has to take insulin for whatever she eats. In fact, they specifically want her to eat the way she always has. Well her dad doesn't agree (like he thinks he is an MD or something). He is limiting her food. A lot. And letting her brother eat to his heart's content in front of her. Then he decided he would also limit her insulin. Yes folks, the stuff keeping her alive at this point. He decides she shouldn't be taking more than 40 units a day (This is very hard to explain so I won't. But she takes 23 units of insulin at night without food. That leaves her 17 units of insulin for an entire day's worth of food. That is crazy!) This is his way of controlling the situation. I stepped in and told the nurses what he was doing and they told him to his face that he is playing with fire and that limiting her insulin "disturbs them." He said "go ahead and be disturbed." Honest to god. I don't know what to do. Research is telling me that there really isn't much I can do. He can't really get in too trouble until something actually happens to her because of it. This is causing so much, SO MUCH stress in our family. We just don't know what to do. He won't listen. Not to us and not to the doctors. Who does this?

Now I have to let you know that my sister is doing amazingly well with all of this!! I am so very proud of her. She is sticking herself throughout the day every time she eats, before she eats, before sports, before sleep etc...And she is giving herself injections with everything she eats and at bedtime. She is ten folks. My step daughter is ten and I truly believe that if this happened to her, she wouldn't give herself an injection if her life depended on it. She won't even take liquid medicine without crying. But my sister wants to do all this on her own. Thank goodness for that because she is listening to the doctors and doing as much as she can for herself. Like her dose at night before bed is 23 units of Lantis (insulin) and her dad says "go ahead and just take 20" because he doesn't want her to take more. She takes the amount she is supposed to though because she understands how important it is. But she is also so hurt and confused over how her dad is acting. She has sat in all these day long meetings with the doctors, nurses and dieticians and heard them say "eat as you always have." And then her dad won't let her and yet lets our brother eat whatever, whenever right in front of her. It is unneccessary which also makes it cruel and she feels it. He has even decided to only let her eat sweets on weekends. And even that is limited. I just want to run away with her and get through this with her and without him.

She is being fitted for an insulin pump so that she will have better control over her blood sugars. However, her dad can't seem to find the time to get the paperwork filled out. I am so worried that he is going to let her run out of medicine. They can't afford it and the hospital is giving them free meds but in return he is supposed to fill out all this paperwork and bring in his last year's tax return. He is not complying. They told him that they won't give her more meds until he does this. Maybe he wants her to run out since he doesn't want her to take too much. How can a father do this?

They also have been evicted from their house and now live in an apartment with no furniture. They lost everything. Our mom lives out of state and wants to have her and our brother come live with her but their dad refuses. In fact if he feels like that is something that may happen, he will run and we will never see them again. I am sure of it. Their phones have been turned off and we haven't been able to get in touch with them. For all I know, they may have been kicked out of their apartment too. I don't know what to do. I feel so helpless in this situation. If I do something stupid, he will never let me see them again. So I have to go about this the right way. Excruciating.

Any suggestions? Keep in mind that my brother and sister have actually chosen to live with their dad and my sister currently wants to remain with him through 6th grade and then go live with my mom. Even through all of this. They love their dad so much. Even though he lets them down at every turn.

Please keep them in your thoughts.

Not so happy new year

Life just doesn't seem right these days. But I don't really feel like elaborating at this point. Let's just say that I find it really, REALLY hard to believe in God/god when my family always seems to be hurting. It just isn't right for one small family to go through so very much turmoil.

Happy Birthday to my little Cooper Pooper!!!

My little boy Cooper turns three years old tomorrow, the 18th. Technically that means he is turning 21 in dog years. What a big boy. He has gone through so much in his short 3 years, what a trooper he is. Hey, I should start calling him "Cooper Pooper the Trooper." LOL. He really is a trooper though. His vet, Dr. Daly, calls him "stoic." How true it is.

He has disabled front legs which started out in the shape of a 'v' and now his leg is in the shape of an 's.' It gets worse and worse and yet he continues to run around just like a puppy. He has kidney disease, not as bad as Cody, but he throws up more than normal dogs because of it. He has had an ulcer on his eyeball which had to be removed while he was awake. He has chronic skin infections under his eyes, one of which he is suffering from right now. He has hair which mats profusely and has to be brushed and de-matted at every turn. He has some kind of red, hairless spot on his hip right now which is bothering him. And did I mention he has hip dysplasia? And he is only 3. He definitely has had a rough go of it.

Cooper is my little buddy. He is the cutest, most wonderful dog. He loves to cuddle, loves to lick and is perfectly happy curled up in bed with me all day. He loves to play but isn't that great at learning tricks. He is a little on the dopey side, but we love him to death! He doesn't make much noise, but loves to keep guard at the front door. Every squirrel or bunny that hops by gets a nice, warm, welcoming bark from Coop.

Happy birthday to my sweet little man. Our lives wouldn't be the same without you buddy.

So much to be thankful for.

As Thanksgiving draws near, I try to remind myself of the things that I have to be thankful for. Too often I think of the bad and not the good, so hopefully putting it in writing will give me a reminder to look back on.

I am thankful first and foremost for my husband. He is a wonderful, caring guy who puts up with alot from me. He takes care of me and loves me and really what more could a girl want?

I am thankful for my boys. I am thankful that their little bodies are going strong even through all the obstacles. I am thankful that for some reason Cody's body has adjusted to his high kidney levels and therefore we will have him around for much longer than expected. I am thankful that Cooper's legs don't seem to be causing him a great amount of pain even if it may look like it. I am thankful that every night when I get home, I have two jumping boys waiting to greet me at the door.

I am thankful for my stepdaughter Kaylee. I am thankful that she has grown into an intelligent, kind young girl. I am thankful that she adores her dad and looks forward to the time she spends with him.

I am thankful for my family and their health. I am thankful that my mom has a good job, a new outlook on life and a bright future. I am thankful that my sister has her two feet planted solidly on the ground and has the entire world at her disposal. I am thankful that my sister and brother seem to be ok with love in place of material goods. I am thankful that my aunt who was diagnosed with terminal cancer, is now 60% in remission. I am thankful that she has my awesome uncle to take care of her. I am thankful that my grandma is healthy, able and willing to work a hard labor job at 65 years old to take care of she and her husband. I am thankful that my great grandmother has made it through 2 strokes, Lymes disease, breast cancer and a triple bypass and is now healthy enough to golf and still make championship flight at 85 years old. I am thankful that my husband's family is healthy and staying out of trouble. We are very blessed to have family who loves and adore us.

I am thankful that I have a job. Not just a job but a job that pays well and where they are sympathetic to my situation health wise. I am thankful that my husband has a great job. How lucky are we to have jobs during times like these?

I am thankful that my husband is healthy, intelligent and handsome.

I am thankful that we have a roof over our heads and food in our cabinets. I am thankful that we have health insurance.

We may not be able to take vacations or go shopping for the newest things, but all in all, we are very lucky to have all that we do.

I hope that you all have as much to be thankful for as I do. Happy Thanksgiving.

Not fun enough

Lately, my husband wants to do new things. He has come to a point where he is bored and tired of sitting around all the time. We do alot of sitting around due to my health. 2 very good childhood friends of his moved to the country and all of the sudden he wants to go visit. Fine by me, I love the country. But come to find out, they don't have extra room. There are the 2 friends, a wife, a son and 4 dogs. He wants me, him and our two dogs to go. We would basically be sleeping on a couch. I can do that, I really can. But it will be really difficult to have our boys (our dogs) in a room with no confinement, especially at night. They might roam. Not to mention, my husband wants to go out with his buddies and that will leave me and the boys back at the house with wife and kid (whom I have never met) and no room to hole away in by ourselves. I am not anti social, but that doesn't sound like a whole lot of fun to me. Going to the country, hanging out, spending some time with my husband, that sounds fun. If only there was a spare bedroom. I would feel more comfortable.

Not to mention one of the friends always gives me a hard time about what I feed my boys. Yes, I know it isn't normal. Yes, I know it isn't the healthiest. Get off my back about it! The vet knows. So anyway...that always causes tension.

So here is the dilemna. We have been talking about doing more stuff together. More fun stuff. Less sitting around and watching movies. So do I suck it up and make the best of it and try to go and have fun? Or do I stay at home and tell him to go have fun with his buddies? I really don't know which to choose. I want to do something fun with him, make memories. But it doesn't seem like it will really be a time for him and I, more like a time for him and his buddies.

He already made it clear that he would rather me stay behind if I don't think I can have fun. And we don't go places often at all anymore. We used to, but since money has been so tight the past 2 years, we really don't get the chance to get away. So what do I do? I won't really be able to leave the boys at the house with the other dogs, they'll freak out. But it will cost $40-$50 to board them. Ugh...why is everything so hard for me?