A Moment For Myself

Happy Birthday Cody!!

2010-04-05T22:04:00.003-05:00

I haven't written in a few days, but I have been smart and kept brief notes of the past few days so I will know what to write when I finally have the time to put it all down in a post. But I couldn't miss writing my special boy a birthday post. He turned 5 today! This is an absolute miracle considering the vets didn't think he would see 3. We love him so very much and can't imagine our lives without him! He is such a gift of joy. If he can't put a smile on your face, you need some serious therapy. Every morning I wake up with he and Cooper curled up next to me and I smile. Every day when I get home from work and they greet me at the door, Cody always with a toy in his mouth, wagging their cute little tails, I smile. The way that Cody is obsessed with toys to the point where if you throw a toy for him, he will run for it as fast as he can, even if it means slamming his body or his head into the wall after he has slid 5 feet on the hardwood floor, makes me laugh so hard! I try to avoid the body/head slams but sometimes it is unavoidable. The way he is ready to play at any time of day...always bringing me a toy to throw, he is just such a joy. Cooper could care less if I throw a toy (most of the time), but Cody is like those dogs you see on cartoons where it doesn't matter what they are in the middle of, if you throw a toy, he goes after it. He is just such a goof ball!

I love the way he joins us on the bed, only briefly, because if I don't rub his ears while he is up there, he decides he would rather not be on the bed at all. Sometimes, he will even be sorta pushy about it, pushing his head up under my hands, begging for me to rub his head/ears. So sweet. How can I resist? I love the way he steps down onto the steps leading off the bed, stops and stretches, puts his little butt way up in the air, and then gently jumps off the top step instead of using the rest of the stairs as they should be used. I love how in the middle of the night, he gets up, scratches for a few minutes and then quietly lets me know he needs to go out. If I don't wake up, he will tell me a little more firmly, but never with a bark or a growl. Always, just a soft sound as if to say "hey, Mom..." I love the way he sleeps on the floor on a variety of cushions (thanks to me). He has a body pillow which lays against the closet door, a donut bed which lays on top of a carpet square for a little extra padding and for right now, a folded up comforter. It looks horrible now that the comforter is there, but I can't resist...he really seems to love how comfy and cozy it is. Anyway, I love how he moves from one to the other all throughout the night. Each night, he sleeps on all three and moves between them several times. Then, once Dad is up and getting ready for work, he then comes up onto the bed and takes his place. He used to sleep with us, but I think he got tired of making Dad mad by sleeping too close to him, or waking him up etc...so he got the hint and just stopped sleeping with us :( Hubs will miss that some day.

I just love Cody so very much! He is my child, one of 3. I can't help but love him as much as I do. When someone or something relies on you so very much, you are bonded in a way that is indescribable. Just like a Mom and a baby. I love how smart he is, even if Hubs begs to differ. He gets it. He knows what's going on, he senses things, he grasps things that he isn't given credit for. Hubs thinks he is dumb for the way he does tricks, but really, I see it as pure genius. When Hubs gives him treats he tells him to "sit." Then he tells him to "lay down" and then he tells him "up!" Well, Cody has figured that he will get the treat quicker if he just does it all in one sequence. So when he is told to "sit" he sits, lays down and then jumps up and if not given the treat right away, does it all again :) LOL!! So freaking funny to watch! But Hubs thinks this is a sign of idiocy when like I said, it is in fact, pure genius.

I could go on and on...but I will save it for another post. I have been wanting to do a post with all of the special, funny, quirky things that both Cody and Cooper do. There are so many things! So many things that bring joy to our daily lives. So many things that will be irreplaceable when gone.

I love you dear Cody. You were my first dog, my first baby, we will always have a special bond because of that. I will always remember how you slept in the crook of my neck during the entire car ride, which lasted about 30 minutes, when we first brought you home. I will always remember how we let you sleep with us that first week and you were so tiny and light that I didn't realize that you woke up, climbed over onto Dad and peed on him, then climbed back to Mommy and went back to sleep :) You were crate trained after that and no longer allowed to sleep with us until you were completely potty trained! I will never forget the day we took you to the store to meet Cooper. You wanted absolutely nothing to do with him! You sat up on the bench and watched while we played with him. You know you wanted to play, you know you wanted those toys, but you had to act disinterested so you could save face. We brought him home and you ignored him for days. You did sniff him a little here and there, but mostly you were completely disinterested. Then, slowly, but surely, you let him get close to you, you let him play with you, you let him in to your little heart and from then on you were best buddies. Brothers. You are two peas in a pod. I can't imagine my life without either one of you.

Happy birthday dear, sweet boy. You will always be our special little boy. Even if Dad doesn't say it, he loves you just as much as I do. Hope you enjoyed your balloons and streamers. Your presents and Easter basket. Your yellow butter cupcakes with peanut butter frosting and marshmallows. Your trip to see the Easter bunny. Your trip to the park and your walk. I hope it was special. Just like you.

A few short updates

2010-03-24T22:22:00.002-05:00

March 22nd-The boys were groomed. They look so freakin cute!! I can't believe it, but they said they found a few fleas on Cody's butt. He has NEVER had fleas before! So I had to come home, put Advantix on them, take all of the beds, pillows etc...to the car wash and vacuum them out. I had to vacuum the entire house too. He always scratches, so does Cooper, but I have never been told that they have fleas! I sure hope they aren't in the house. The groomer thinks we probably caught them early. Yet, I think she was wrong. It could have been poop for all I know...Cody ate sausage and a little lamb, coop ate turkey and a little lamb. Both were pretty stressed out after grooming. Ended up staying home the rest of the day with them as I was exhausted and stressed. Cody didn't get up all night last night to go potty.

March 23rd- Cody didn't really eat anything other than treats. Gave him a little nutri cal and 12 tsp water before bed. Even after all that water, he didn't get up to go potty overnight. Went up to "park" and walked around a bit. played very little frisbee because bandages came off. Obviously wrapping his dew claws is not going to work. Came home after 10 minutes. Will have to look for the doggy wristbands, however, I can't seem to find them online even though I have seen them before. Coop threw up today. Cody's been a little whiny today. I know they are both bummed because the weather is cruddy again after a few nice/warm/sunny days. Plus, I have been working from home which takes me away from them. I need to spend more quality time with them. Hopefully it's warm again soon and we can go on a walk...

March 24th- Today was a good day and it all started out a little worrisome. It's been a very dreary, rainy day and no matter what, I couldn't get Cody to get up and eat a treat. He has been eating treats every morning just so I know he has eaten before I go to work. I can't ever get him to eat anything else early in the day. So I was worried. Got home from work and he was in a really good, rambunctious mood, bringing me the toy, wagging his tail etc...Cooper on the other hand, was in bed, acting sick. He does this when I put hoodies on him. So, you are asking why I put hoodies on him then? Well I do it for his own good. When he is freshly groomed, he gets really cold and shivers all day. So I put a hoodie on him. Well, when he wears a hoodie, he acts sick, only laying in bed. Poor thing...As of right now, he isn't wearing one. Once he gets warm, I take it off and only put it back on if he starts to shiver again. Anyway, they both ate some alfredo noodles, nothing else, but that is pretty filling for them. They ate a few tiny bits and pieces of chewies...I need to get to the store to try to buy some that they'll actually eat. It's getting harder and harder to find chewies that A.) they'll eat and B) Cooper won't choke on.

Cooper pretty much layed around all night. He and Cody did wrestle a few times and it was so fun to watch! Cody and I played ball for a while, until he lost interest when he found a long lost chewie (from last night) he decided he wanted. I worked from home again tonight so our quality time was limited :(

I am soooo proud of my husband!!! It looks like this new job that he has been trying to get for over a month, could actually be his!! I don't want to jinx it, so I haven't told anyone, but he has been told they are going to offer him the position! So proud of him! He wanted to give up hope and back off but I told him not too...Looks like persistance paid off. Congrats babe! I know you can do it! You're such a smart guy with a great brain and a huge potential for learning! I know you'll do an amazing job!!

Quick Update

2010-03-21T22:06:00.002-05:00

I will write more later, but right now I need to get to sleep as I have to be up early in the morning to take the boys to be groomed. Cody's vet appt went well. His dew claw is looking great! Dr. Peterson said that we will check his kidney values again in 2 months but other than that, we really won't go by his kidney values as his values have never been representative of how he feels (at least not lately). She said we will go more by clinical signs which I definitely know what those are. That made me feel better.

We DID get snow. About another 4-5 inches. And alot of wind so there were alot of drifts. I am so sick of the snow. Our yard is never going dry out...it's so soggy and gross out there right now.

Cody didn't eat a whole lot yesterday (Sat March 20th). Hubs gave him a jerky and he ate that. He did eat a few treats. Since he hadn't eaten Friday, I went ahead and made sausage which he did eat a little of. Thanks goodness...He wasn't interested in the new chewies I bought though. So strange because both he and Coop are just about sick of all the chewies I buy these days. It sucks because that is something that always excited them and I loved giving to them. :(

Coop stayed home with Dad while I took Cody to the vet. He was not happy and I felt so badly but it is REALLY hard to take both of them by myself. He was really happy to see Cody when we got home though!

Today was a laid back, sleepy kind of day. We played some catch/fetch both today and yesterday but most of the day today was spent laying around. Cody mostly slept at the front door, looking out at the snowy yard and Coop mostly laid on the chair downstairs with me while Hubs and I watched movies. I kept falling asleep...I am just so exhausted. I know a lot of it is the stress...I hope things get better, not worse. I feel so guilty for letting them sleep all day, but I really have to give my body a rest. Besides, Cody thinks I am his personal squeaky thrower now. When I get home, he greets me with a toy in his mouth. So cute :)

Coop has really enjoyed the snow. He goes out and instead of staying in the area that Dad has shoveled for him, he goes in the area that is a foot deep and goes sniffing and jumping around. Then he comes in COVERED in ice balls which I can NOT get off. I basically have to let them melt off which takes quite a while. He doesn't seem to mind though. Thankfully, I put a bright orange sweatshirt on him today so I could actually spot him in the snow. Good thing too, because he decided to go back in the bushes by the fence. I hardly spotted him even looking like a pumpkin.

Gotta get some rest. I had a great weekend with Hubs. We didn't get Kaylee which meant we got to spend some quality time together just the two of us. We had lunch, did grocery shopping, watched some basketball (KU let us down), and laid around watching movies all weekend. He still isn't feeling back to normal, so we just took it easy. It was really enjoyable. We were able to avoid any wars for the most part :) Love ya babe.

March 19, 2010

2010-03-19T22:45:00.006-05:00

So after 2 almost 70 degree days, it is now sleeting and we're expecting 2-8 inches of snow! I swear! KS weather is so crazy!

Today was an ok day. Cody didn't really eat. For lunch he ate a tiny bit of leftover lamb and of course a few duck jerky treats. Then for dinner, I made skinless chicken tenders and lamb and he didn't eat either. He did eat his Texas Taffy chewie though which kept him busy for most of the night. We didn't play all that much today as they were busy eating their chewies and then once that was over, I de-matted Coop. Or at least I worked on him for 2 hours and got practically no where. I swear! I brush him all the time and yet he mats so terribly! I know it is because of the way he rubs on things to scratch himself...poor baby.

We have a vet appt tomorrow for Cody. Hopefully it goes well. I have also booked another new groomer for Monday morning. I sure hope it goes well. My worry is that the stress will do Cody a lot of harm. That is why I am doing it now, instead of waiting until he is feeling much worse.

Hubs and I are trying to figure out if we can make it out to the lake this year or not. I really want to go, but he won't go unless we go without the boys. Does he not realize how much I DON'T want to leave them right now?? I can't board them as no one will be able to give Cody the attention he needs. They aren't going to cook up some lamb for him. Not to mention, the stress of boarding them for 4 days could be what it takes to push Cody over the edge and I would never be able to forgive myself. I can't help but be mad at him about this. I understand that he says it isn't relaxing to take them, but does he think it is relaxing for me to leave them? SO either way, one of us gets screwed. And I can tell you how this one is going to end up. Me getting screwed. Plus...I would love to take one last family vacation. This could be our last chance. Yes, I brought up all these points and no it doesn't matter. Makes me cry...

Cody is currently curled up on his bed and Coop is at my feet. Hopefully we won't get as much snow as predicted and we will be able to have a good weekend. I need to get Cody to eat...It's time to break out the stuff that isn't healthy for him...Turkey sausage will be on the menu for tomorrow. I really hope it works. Coop did eat a bunch of chicken tonight, so that's good.

My husband said I should make this the 'Cody and Cooper are my life' blog. He said I never mention him. Well, that's because I am trying to keep track of how the boys are doing. But since I don't talk about him enough, I will give you a little update. Currently, Hubs is still sick. He is doing much better though. He went to work today for 1/2 a day for the first time since Tuesday. He has had some cold/sinus infection/virus and luckily I have not picked it up. I have had the sniffles, and generally felt crappy but that could just be due to the stress. He hasn't had much of an appetite, but has managed to eat nachos with raw onions twice since he has been sick. Strange choice, if you ask me.

This week was Kaylee's spring break. She got braces. I am curious to see how this is going to go. 18 months of it. She doesn't even brush her teeth now, how is she going to remember to brush her teeth every time she eats? I'll tell you how...she isn't. She is going to walk around with food in her braces at all times. I am calling it now.

Lots to do this weekend...my main goals are to A) get along with Hubs and B) get Cody to eat. Wish me luck.

By the way...Cody did take another play bath today. And did I tell you that I bought a new Syringe and he will take water from it? That is excellent news as I was afraid I had ruined the syringes for him with the hydrogen peroxide incident. Apparently not.

Catch up post

2010-03-18T20:45:00.002-05:00

So I haven't posted in 2 days because, well, I have just been too exhausted an I would rather use my little bit of energy to play with the boys rather than write a new post. Plus, I wait until the very end of the day to post and sometimes I just can't keep my eyes open any longer. So anyway. A quick catch up.

March 16th- Don't remember much right now. I do know that Frank was sick so once again we quarantined ourselves in the bedroom which means we had a very boring night and I feel horrible about that :( But I needed the rest too. I haven't been feeling well at all. He ate chewies and treats and if I remember correctly, he didn't eat hardly anything else. I am pretty sure he ate some captain crunch and that was about the only "food" he ate that day. This is why it is important for me not to skip posts. I need to follow his eating pattern. Cooper on the other hand recovered excellently from the night before. He has been drinking alot, which is great. He doesn't usually drink very much. Oh now that I think about it...I did feed Cody some left over mac and cheese before lunch. I warmed it up and let him lick the cheese off of my finger a few times which got him in the mood for it and he ate it all. He did have to be hand fed...being hand fed is not a good thing because if he ever has to be with someone else, for instance, Frank, he will go hungry unless he eats for himself. BUT I have to feed him by hand so I can keep track of how much is being eaten AND to make sure Coop doesn't eat it all. However, Coop is being silly lately too. He hasn't been eating off a plate either and I am trying to break that. As long as I can make sure they both eat a little something, I am going to put the plates out for them instead of hand feeding. It's a catch 22 because Cody NEEDS to be hand fed to make sure he eats enough to stay healthy but Coop needs to eat from a plate...And I feel badly for doing for one and not the other...So what do I do? Like I said, I am going to try to break it...at least a little bit. Cooper doesn't seem to be eating at all unless I am feeding him by hand and that just isn't good.

March 17th- Frank was still really sick so we all hung out in bed for the evening. Only played with the ball for about 20 minutes. I made lamb again and Cody was CRAVING it! As I was cooking it, he was so excited and then when it was ready he ate a bunch. In fact, he even ate it off the plate. Cooper ate a bunch too. When I say a bunch, I only made 1/3 lb. But they ate every last crumble. I was really excited to see them so happy to eat. I hope he doesn't get sick of lamb...I don't have many other options. Not healthy options at least. Cody did eat quite a bit of captain crunch and a few treats too. Cooper wasn't interested in playing with us at all. I didn't force him as it was rainy and I was afraid he was in pain. When I got home from work, Cody jumped up on me as he always does and he was COVERED in mud!! I have never seen either one of them so covered in mud before! I can't tell what he did...His paws, all four of them, his belly, his tail and his mouth were covered, but not his back. I wish I had seen what he did to get so dirty. Hopefully he enjoyed himself :) Cooper wasn't muddy at all. After a bath, he shivered for a while so I put a warmie on him. I hope his infection is under control. He no longer pulls away when I clean his dew claw so I am hoping that means his infection is going away. He has a vet appt on Saturday so hopefully they will say it is looking good.

March 18th- So today Cody isn't really eating. He seemed to feel well but he had 2 walks today and now is exhausted and sleeping SO I can't tell if he is just tired or not feeling well. It's so confusing. Frank was home sick again today but he took Cody and Cooper on a short walk. When I got off work, I came home and got the boys so they could go with me to pick up some more lamb. Cooper panted the whole way. It was like 63 degrees so I am sure he was warm in the car. I need to schedule grooming for them. Then when we got home, I decided to take Cody on a walk since the walk he had earlier wasn't very long and I had planned on taking them both on a walk anyway. Cooper just can't handle too much of a walk though so I just took Cody. He seemed to go a little slower than usual...like he wasn't all out in front of me and pulling, but I am sure he was just tired. We had a long walk and he was exhausted when we got home. I don't think I have seen him drink anything since we got home...that isn't good. I need to make sure he does. I made them some lamb again tonight and he seemed excited but then hardly ate any. I tried to make them eat it off the plate and neither wanted to. Cody did eat a little...but Cooper didn't want it off the plate. I did feed him a little by hand but stopped, thinking he would eat off the plate, which he didn't. Gave Cody a little bit more mac and cheese and I think he has eaten like 10-12 noodles or so. He did eat his chewie, but not much else.

I am not looking forward to the vet appt on Saturday. I just know I am going to get answers I don't want to hear. Ugh...I am just dreading it.

March 15, 2010 Another eventful day.

2010-03-15T22:24:00.003-05:00

Honestly, having dogs is like having a perpetual toddler. I am worn out and exhausted to say the least. So Cody didn't really want to eat today. I think all I got him to eat was a chicken jerky in the AM, a couple pup corn treats, 1/2 a mini slim jim, some captain crunch, the juice from a fruit cocktail, a chewie and a couple marshmallows. I know this isn't the healthiest diet but at this point keeping him eating anything is the best thing. Believe me, I have seen what happens when he stops eating all together and I am terrified of getting there again. He drank normally today though AND guess what? Both Cooper and Cody had bowel movements today! Woo Hoo! Such blog worthy material, I tell ya. But remember, I am only writing this for my own sake, no one else is reading so it doesn't really matter if I make this funny or not. It takes too long to add funny :)

So Cooper got the hydrogen peroxide treatment today. This is where the toddler thing comes into play. They were eating their chewies like normal when I hear him choking...He does this a lot so I look at him to see if it is over or if he is still choking. Well he chokes and sputters another couple times then takes a big swallow and the chewie is gone. Now, he does NOT chew much. I don't know what is wrong with him but he just doesn't and never has. Last I had looked, his chewie was still full size which is about 5-6 inches long and 1 1/2 inches wide. Seeing as how rawhide isn't digestible, all I could think about was this rawhide causing an obstruction so off to the kitchen we went for a hydrogen peroxide treatment. Now Cooper, when he throws up, he throws up a lot. Cody only throws up a tiny bit. So I prepared the kitchen floor with a baby blanket covered in baby wipes and waited for the hydrogen peroxide to kick in. It ALWAYS takes more for Cooper. He had double what Cody had last night. And it took almost 8 minutes to make him throw up. And wouldn't you know, there were quite a few pieces of unchewed rawhide in it. The biggest piece was only about 2 1/2 inches long, but hopefully that was the biggest piece he swallowed. God, I hope it was. He was NOT happy to throw up so much but once it was over I cleaned him up and sent him on his way. He immediately drank some water, which relieved me to know I wouldn't have to fight to hydrate him. He has been fine the rest of the night.

And just so no one thinks I make my dogs throw up all the time...last night was Cody's first time and I have only done this to Cooper 3 times now. Once when he swallowed a hair band (with metal) and we all know how elastic can cause HUGE damage to the intestines! The 2nd time was when I thought he had an obstruction because he kept hacking but nothing was coming up...turned out he had kennel cough. And then the 3rd was today. It is a very useful tool though when you realize, in time, that something harmful has been swallowed.

Took the boys on a walk. 1/2 way around the block. Cody deserved more but Cooper couldn't go any farther. Hopefully I can take Cody tomorrow without Cooper realizing it, though this is almost impossible to do and Cooper gets really upset when he is left behind :( Spent the rest of the evening in bed, which they weren't happy about, but hubs was not feeling well and we quarantined ourselves away from him. Hopefully he feels better soon.

I got Cody's test results in the mail and one thing really scared me. His calcium levels have gone up. What I have read about this is that once the calcium levels go up, the kidneys fail quickly. Please, if there is a god, or if there is any higher power out there, please heal my little boy. He is so loved. He is the light of my life and I don't know what I will do without him. I don't know what his brother will do without him either. We want him, we need him around. Please let him live. He is only 4, hasn't even turned 5 yet. Please...let this little boy live the healthy, carefree life he deserves.

More pics of my loves

2010-03-15T22:01:00.005-05:00

Me and sweet Coop

Me and Cody Bear

Coop and Cody

Cody giving himself a back rub.

Coop's sweet profile.

Cody excited to have found the ball buried in the chair!

Cody hanging off the chair after finding the ball.

Coop just chillin.

Yummy chewies after Cody's day at the vet.

Some cushion in the kitchen for Cody's dew claw.

More cushion in the kitchen.

Natural beauties.

In the car after fun at the park.

Cody playing in the wind.

Coop smiles for the camera.

Sweet boy.

Worst dog mom ever...

2010-03-15T10:28:00.001-05:00

March 14, 2010- I am feeling really down in the dumps. I have caused my boys unnecessary discomfort and I am really upset about it. A while back I was told to give my boys Kaopectate for their diarrhea. Well our pharmacies didn't carry it but the pharmacist told me it was exactly the same as Pepto Bismol. So...that's what I have been using. I told my vet this last week AND told her that I was following a pharmacist's advice. She was ok with it. Fast forward to today...now remember how I said I haven't seen the boys have bowel movements? Granted, I haven't been out with them every time but usually I can tell because they get a dirty butt and have to be cleaned off. Anyway, I decided to google it tonight and found out that A.) Pepto causes constipation and B.) I have been giving them a double dose. Cody has been given pepto every day for a little over a week. Cooper has had it on and off for a week. It actually says 1/4 tablet up to 20lbs every 6-8 hours so I guess they can have 1/2 tablet in one day, which is what they have been given...however, it also says not to continue usage after a couple days. So since I had just given Cody a dose (however, tonight I gave him 1/4 just because I wondered about the constipation) I gave him hydrogen peroxide to make him throw up, which he did. However, it may have been too late. I didn't see any pink stuff. Poor baby. Wouldn't eat any treats or drink after that. Come to think of it...that's bad. Excuse me for a minute while I make him drink a few droppers full of water so he stays hydrated for his kidneys...

OK so I didn't come back and finish last night. I didn't make it to bed until late. After giving Cody hydrogen peroxide with the syringe, he no longer trusted it for water and that was a BIG mistake. He usually loves taking water from the syringe and when he gets really sick, that is the only way I can get him to drink. Please...let him forget that hydrogen peroxide and like the syringe again. I can't believe I didn't think about that beforehand.

So after trying and failing to give him 5 syringes (about 4 total tsp) of water, he fought them all and only drops made it down his throat, I decided it was time for action. When he gets dehydrated, his kidneys suffer and he gets really sick. So at midnight, I decided to take him downstairs and play ball. We did for 12 minutes, and that may not seem like a long time, but at midnight, 12 minutes of playing ball is an eternity. Then we came upstairs and I decided to try to give him something to eat. No go. He wouldn't even eat his favorite beef jerky or reeses pieces. BUT amazingly playing ball had made him thirsty and he drank quite a bit of water (as I am typing this he is drinking more water!!) I did get him to eat 1 1/2 tiny pup corn treats, but he barely ate them. Then at 12:15 we came to bed. We slept in, he definitely slept in as he didn't even get out of bed when I got up to eat my cereal.

Anyway back to yesterday- It was a slow day, I was exhausted and we didn't do much which I feel awful about but I have to take care of myself or all hell will break loose. Daddy brought home some hamburgers for the boys for lunch. Between them, they split one (Cody hardly ate any) and another for dinner which again Cody hardly ate any of. He wasn't interested in food yesterday at all, even the duck treats he didn't want and those are usually one of his favorites.

Back to March 14th- Cody DID have a bowel movement. I couldn't tell if he was straining or just going alot, because it was dark. But he DID! YAY!! Now I am going to take Cooper and he on a walk to see if I can get Cooper to have a bowel movement. Guess it will have to wait until after work though as the Census workers are out and causing the entire neighborhood of dogs to bark their heads off.

We played for a total of about 30 minutes yesterday. Not much, I know. We slept most of the day. I just could barely get out of bed. Hopefully this week will be better.

March 13, 2010

2010-03-13T22:56:00.003-06:00

I am exhausted so this is going to be short. The stress of all this has really taken it all out of me. I can barely keep my eyes open and can't think about anything else.

March 12, 2010- Cody threw up for the first time since he started taking his antibiotics. He threw up around 7am and then came back to bed. When I got out of bed at 9am I tried coaxing him to eat something, anything so I could give him his antibiotics and fish oil. He didn't want anything. He didn't even want one of his favorite things which is beef jerky. After trying my hardest to get him to eat and failing completely, I had Frank try and he was able to get him to eat some beef jerky. After he ate some for Frank, he then ate some for me but he still didn't want to eat anything else. I stopped by Whole Foods and picked up some ground lamb to try since it is the lowest in phosphorus. Guess what? He loved it! I had only purchased 1/4 lb though because that is what was already in the grinder and the guy actually gave it to me for free since I didn't know if he would actually eat it or not. Other than the not wanting to eat, he did pretty well overall. It was another cold, rainy day. He still doesn't seem to be pottying as much as usual. I also haven't seen either he or Cooper have a bowel movement and that is really strange. Need to keep my eye on that one. We played for about 40 minutes with the stuffed wienie and the ball. Really got their hearts pumping!

Back to March 13, 2010- Cooper isn't really eating today. He ate a little but not much and when I tried to feed him, he ran away. It is a cold, rainy day, so maybe he is tired and in pain. Going to keep my eye on him. Drove out to De Soto to a butcher shop to get some lamb. They were out of the frozen, which is what they actually carry, but he happened to have some in the back that he ground for me while I was there. I served it for dinner, made too much, should have only made about 1/3 lb. But I made a little over and with Cooper not eating, there was a bunch left over. Cody loved it again, but we're talking he eats about 1/8 of a lb. Cooper usually would have eaten the rest but he didn't want it. He did eat some chicken lunch meat though (Cooper) so maybe he is just sick of the ground turkey/lamb. I don't know if it is richer or something, but who knows? And again, during a movie, we played with the ball and the stuffed wienie as well as Cooper's baby. I am loving playing with them on the floor at their level. I do it all the time, but it's just so fun to do it while watching a movie because I am not missing anything and I am getting 2 things done at once.

I have emailed the lawyer for the pet food recall lawsuit to ask for some sort of letter that states where the lawsuit currently stands so I can give it to my vet so he knows I am not making any of this up. It really is taking this long. I hope they don't forget about us. There are some of us that are living this every day still. My Cody is not even 5 yet and in chronic renal failure. It isn't fair. We need justice.

March 11, 2010

2010-03-11T22:56:00.002-06:00

Not much to report today. Cody really didn't want to eat much at all today. Basically he ate some duck jerky, pupcorn, chicken jerky, 2 mini dentastix and some noodles. I tried giving him the chicken thighs from the other night and he wasn't interested. Cooper was though LOL I have to keep something in his stomach to give him his antibiotic, which thankfully he has not thrown up yet. We also tried vanilla yogurt and strawberry yogurt to see if that would be something he would tolerate so he could take his meds. He liked the strawberry but not the vanilla. I called it "ice cream" because he knows what that is :)

He took another play bath this morning and once again, it didn't seem to hurt his dew claw. I have decided that if he acts like he wants to play in the bath, I'll let him. At least it's a bright spot in his day.

It was cold and rainy again so we were unable to take a walk. I did play with he and Cooper for about 40 minutes after dinner. Cooper wasn't too interested in the play time though. Cody jumped from the chair to the sofa over and over and over chasing the ball. He would burrow into the pillows, sticking his tail and hind legs in the air while searching for the little ball. It was hilarious! Cooper played a little bit with us, mostly with the stuffed hot dog. The way he plays with the ball is when he gets it he runs away with it which is not fun for anyone. We also played up stairs while I made dinner. Cooper was much more involved in that. We were playing with the reindeer squeaky.

I didn't give Cooper fish oil today and he didn't throw up. Wonder why fish oil is so hard on his tummy? Even when I give him Pepcid. Hmm...I forgot to mention that Cooper is currently being treated for a yeast infection in his left ear. I am treating it with Panalog ointment. Speaking of Cooper, he is currently licking my hands as I type and making it very difficult. I shouldn't let it annoy me...he is just giving me kisses, it just makes for alot of typos :)

It was a short night, unfortunately. I feel badly because I wanted to play more and spend more time with the boys, but I had work to get done and therefore the night ended at 8pm. I'll make it up to them this weekend.

I need to remember to order some joint supplements for Cody and Cooper...I hate to shove ANOTHER pill down their throats but Cooper especially needs it and the vet says it will help Cody's sliding patella. I sure hope so. They said sometimes it ends up needing to be surgically repaired. Any surgery is dangerous for Cody because of his kidney failure. I sure wish there was a way to surgically fix Cooper's poor legs. I want to cry when I see him run...his legs are just so much worse. Only 4 years old. I wonder how long his little legs will hold out? Poor baby. My goal is to get him to lose 1.5 lbs in the next 2 months (so that would be May 11th). I want him down to 17 lbs again which shouldn't be too hard once the weather is nice. Hopefully that will take a little weight off his poor little joints.

I just love my boys so much. They are the joys of my life. They make me smile a million times every day. They are the reason I don't need to take Prozac. They are my babies. No one can even begin to understand the bond that I have with these little guys. They're just amazing!

My husband is pretty awesome too :) I'll have to update on him later this week.

Keeping my fingers crossed for nice weather so I can take the boys on a much deserved walk.

March 10, 2010

2010-03-10T22:53:00.002-06:00

Just a quick update. Cody had a good day. I have noticed that he is drinking more yet not going potty as much as he normally would. For example: last night he went at 8:30pm then again at 3:30am and then he didn't want to go out again until about 11:30am. Usually he would have gone twice as often.

His dew claw is looking less swollen and less red, but still looks bad. He took his first play bath today since his dew claw infection. It didn't seem to hurt him. He loves to jump in the tub and splash around, looking for the clear hair catcher we have. It's only purpose is Cody playing with it. He loves it!

Cooper hasn't seemed to be feeling well. I had started he and Cody back on the fish oil yesterday and both days he has thrown up. I am going to stop giving it to him and see if that helps. He is being active, which is good.

Cody, Cooper and I played with the ball, the stuffed hot dog and the brush for about an hour tonight. Got their heart rates up and got them panting while avoiding Cody chasing after toys and sliding. Last night we played the same way with the little green dog and they loved it. I am trying to keep them active even though Cody can't go to the park for 2 weeks.

Last night I made skin on chicken thighs in olive oil and tonight I made ground turkey in olive oil and a pat of butter for flavor. They both liked it. It is going to be hard to find a balance here. A high fat, low protein, low phosphorus diet is what Cody needs but a high fat diet is the last thing Cooper needs. So...I am giving him some of what I make for Cody, but trying to make more lean and cutting him off instead of giving him as much as he wants. Hopefully I can find a good balance.

I've been alternating giving Cody and Cooper both Pepcid and Pepto Bismol depending on whether they are having acid problems or tummy problems. Cody seems to be doing well with the anti biotics this way. As long as I can keep him eating some food/treats before I give him the antibiotics, I think it will work well. So far I have had to give him peanut butter cookie, captain crunch and treats just to get something in his tummy so he will keep the antibiotics down. Gotta do whatever is necessary. These $60 antibiotics have to stay down so they can do their job.

It's raining and the weather is getting cold again. Hopefully in the next few days I can try taking the boys on a walk. Hopefully Cody will do well with a walk since he won't be sliding around and chasing things. I know they would both really enjoy getting out of the house for something other than a vet visit.

Recent pictures of my boys

2010-03-10T22:37:00.002-06:00

Too bad it takes bad news to get me to blog...

2010-03-09T23:19:00.004-06:00

I have started numerous blog posts and one thing or another has kept me from finishing and hitting "publish." But now I want to make sure I keep track of what is going on with Cody so that I have it for my own records. It will be written for my own personal use so it won't be like my other blog posts. It will be more like I am taking notes and keeping records. Nothing fun is what I am trying to say.

Saturday March 6th- Cody and Cooper had their comprehensive exam with Dr. Peterson. She was the only vet on staff that day and was very rushed. She did mention to me that Cody's left rear kneecap is loose and most likely pops out every now and then. This would explain why when playing Frisbee, sometimes he limps for a minute and then is fine. I had tried to cut Cody's nails before the appt and he cried which he never does, so I specifically asked her if nail clippers needed to be replaced and she said "yes." She did examine him but somehow, with all of his fur, she didn't see his infected dew claw.

Sunday March 7th- Took Cody and Cooper up the road to the "park" (church field) to play. Cody chased after the Frisbee several times before he started lifting his back paw (which he had done off and on over the past few days when we played Frisbee, but I always thought he had something stuck in his paw) and limping. I stopped and took him home and watched him. He continued to limp, but eventually stopped. I tried to check his paw but he kept crying and wouldn't let me near it (very hard to see through all his fur!) Had him rest and take it easy for the night.

Monday March 8th- Took Cody in to Banfield to have his paw checked out (right rear). Dr. Peterson was in surgery so we saw Dr. Tutemacher. She was able to inspect his paw while I held him. He wrapped his arms around my arms and held on tight. He is such a Mama's boy. She found that he had an infected dew claw. I had suspected the problem was with his dew claw as he has already had this same dew claw surgically removed before after being broken at the base. She shaved and cleaned the area and when we all finally got a good look at it, it was obvious that it was infected! Red, pussy, bloody, swollen and crusty. Poor baby. So 2 weeks of antibiotics and medicated wipes but no pain meds due to his chronic renal failure. So...we're about to leave and Dr. Peterson walks in and says she is sorry that she had been in surgery but she had wanted to talk to me about Cody's bloodwork from Saturday. It had come back and wasn't looking good at all. His kidney levels have jumped, big time. His BUN at this point is 92 and last time it was 60. Now it has been higher before but...this time his Creatinine was 7 and last time it was 3.4. Now the worst part is that both have gone up. His Creatinine has always been stable, now that it isn't, is a very bad sign :( I don't know how this is going to turn out.

As I mentioned, Cody remains very active and happy so this came out of left field and hit me like a ton of bricks! I am hoping that his levels will be lower when we check them again, but it looks like sub q fluids and a low protein/low phosphorus diet are necessary right now. I have to brace myself. This could be it. I am devestated and heart broken! Cody and Cooper are my babies and I would do anything for them! I would go broke to treat them, but my husband and I don't see eye to eye on this, unfortunately. The stress of knowing that my husband may not want to spend the money is really wearing me down.

So...if Cody were on a regular diet (he was taken off of dog food after the pet food recall which is why we are in this situation in the first place) he would be on a prescription kidney diet. But since he won't touch dog food, I am having to do a bunch of research and try to do what's best for him with human food. He mainly eats meat (protein) which is what needs to be restricted now that he is Uremic. Protein and Phosphorus need to be restricted. This will be hard because like I said, meat is his main source of food. He just won't eat much else. I am trying though...

I remembered that Sunday morning I had woken up and told my husband that Cody had been feverish all night and he had cuddled up under the blankets with me which he only does when he is freezing, which he was. He was shivering and shaking for a good hour. I wonder if the infection could be harming his kidneys? Hmm...question for Dr. Peterson.

So, we aren't able to play right now because of his dew claw, so I have just been laying around with both Cody and Cooper, loving on them, rubbing their backs and their bellies, rubbing their ears and their necks, playing with the squeaky (without throwing it which makes Cody chase it and he always slides which is why his dew claw gets ripped), laying with them while they eat their chewies and treats, telling them how much I love them and giving them millions of hugs and kisses. I don't want to take a minute for granted. I am going to try to keep track of how he is doing so I can compare.

Right now his symptoms are:
*Drinking ALOT of water. MORE than the usual.
*Some days he just lays around and isn't very active.
*Some days he doesn't want to eat. But he most always will eat treats. Sometimes he turns them down, but only the Pupcorn.
*He has been vomiting and having diarrhea. Been giving him pepcid and pepto bismol tablets off and on.
*Even though he is drinking more, he seems to be able to hold it longer. However, I hadn't ever tried this before so I don't know if it is different or not. At night, when he wakes me up to go out and potty, if it is either A.) close to when Frank gets up and takes him out or B.) not at least 4 hours from the time Frank takes him out, I will say "we'll go out in a little bit, Cody, lay down and go night night." And he will. Sometimes he even makes it all night, which is 8 hours. He never used to do this, but like I said, I never told him "no" I just always took him out.

This will be my outlet. My husband doesn't want to talk about it and I am sure that friends and family are already sick of it, so hopefully this will help me cope. I am not a crazy dog lady. I love these boys. They are my kids. I would do absolutely anything for them.

Sick house

2009-08-14T22:32:00.002-05:00

I am a strange sort of germaphobe. You can ask my family and they will tell you that I have never kissed my family on the lips, never shared a drink with them or eaten from the same utensil as them. I don't like for people to touch my food or god forbid someone cough, breathe or sneeze on my food. That is the end of my meal. So on birthdays we cut a piece of cake for me prior to the candles being blown out. Yes, I am that weird. Yet, I love my dogs' kisses and don't mind them sneezing or coughing on me. I clean up their vomit and other body fluids and have no qualms about it. What is my point, you ask? Well...I am currently living in the germiest house on the block and it is driving me NUTS!

Cody and Cooper both have Bordatella aka Kennel Cough! Even though they are both vaccinated every 6 months for Bordatella, it apparently doesn't give you any sort of guarantee. Coop is starting his 15th day of antibiotics (1 month regimen) and Cody is just finishing his first week's worth. Cooper has had it the worst between the two of them. Hacking so much he throws up, projectile vomiting, drooling, runny nose, goopy eyes and of course the cough. Cody has the runny nose, goopy eyes and has just started the cough. I hope his doesn't get as bad as Coop's. Now this isn't too bad. I love my babies and will take care of them every minute they need it. What's bad then? OUR FOSTER DOG, IVAN!!! That's right. We have a foster pup and have had him for 16 days now. He is only 6-8 weeks old. He is a tyrant, but that is another story LOL. Apparently puppies don't have strong immune systems since they haven't been around long enough for it to build up. So he is SICK! It sounds like he has pneumonia (they checked and he doesn't). Like a kid with croup. He coughs and coughs and coughs and coughs. Not only does he cough, he spits up phlegmy stuff every time he coughs. His nose is running which is making him spit up more stuff as it runs down his throat. It is soooo gross! And then to make matters even worse, he has two types of parasites. Coccydia (don't know if I spelled that right or not) and round worms. I have never had to deal with worms before and let me tell you, it is N-A-S-T-Y!!

I feel sorry for Ivan as he is only a little pup but he doesn't do a good job of playing the "poor, sick puppy" role. He bites, bites, chews and did I say "bites?" He jumps on you and bites, jumps at you and bites, runs at you and bites, sneaks up to you and bites.....We have our hands full to say the least.

So back to the sick house...Cody and Coop are both on a month's worth of Doxycycline. The puppy, Ivan, is on 2 weeks of Doxycycline, 2 weeks of Amoxycillin, and a week of Albon. He has had 3 dewormers too. I am giving so many meds around here that I forget to take my own! The worst part is that Ivan was supposed to be neutered yesterday which would have meant we would only be fostering him for another couple days, but since he is so sick, the neuter has been postponed until next week and most likely we will have him until his meds are gone...at least.

The scary thing is that Kennel Cough (called such because it is prevelant in areas where dogs are confined in close quarters such as kennels, groomers, vets, dog shows etc...) is still contagious for 1-2 months AFTER symptoms have subsided. I am so afraid they will just keep passing it back and forth to each other. No dog parks, no Petsmart etc...for a couple months at least. Tomorrow they get their 2nd round of Bordatella vaccinations so far this year. I have been told that if they hadn't had the vaccine, they would have been a lot more sick. So I am very glad that we keep them up to date on all their vaccines, even if my husband thinks they are a scam now that they both have come down with something they were vaccinated for.

I can hardly eat because all I can think about is the germs. How do you disinfect hard wood floors? Ugh...this is going to be a long 2 weeks until Ivan can be put up for adoption. And before you think I am horrible, when he went to the vet clinic, I had dropped him off because I had to work. I dropped him off about noon and said I would be back at 4:00pm. At 12:45 the vet called and said Ivan was done and she had all his meds ready to go. She said "now when are you coming to get him?" (like she didn't already know) I said "4:00pm as both my husband and I have to work." She said "4:00? Oh my gosh...ok. Well, he is going off over here (he screeches this high pitched screech all day long and during the night some too. It used to be most of the night). I guess it will be a long day." Yes, the vet who works at an animal shelter, who deals with dogs, puppies, cats and kittens all day, every day, was exasperated by Ivan. He is just a handful. Needless to say, we will not be fostering puppies again. Dogs, yes. Puppies, no.

Wish me luck!

Happy to be a vegetarian!

2009-06-21T22:08:00.002-05:00

I have been a vegetarian for going on 2 years now. It has been pretty difficult to find foods that are fulfilling and yummy at the same time. In fact, I am probably the UNhealthiest vegetarian you will ever meet. I live on french fries and ice cream, I am not fond of veggies and tofu makes me gag. Because of this, I was actually a pescetarian (fish eater) for most of the 2 years but have recently cut fish out of my diet as well.

People are always asking why I chose to become a vegetarian. Well, without writing a really long post, I will briefly touch on my reasons. I do not live a vegetarian lifestyle for health reasons, I do it for moral reasons. I do not agree with the way animals are slaughtered for our use. If you haven't seen the videos, I urge you to watch them. There is nothing humane about the meat industry. It isn't that I believe that people shouldn't eat animals, it is that I believe we have commercialized the industry so much that we no longer show any respect to the animals. Ramming electric rods up pig's and cow's anuses and vaginas. Slamming chickens and baby pigs against the ground when they are "uncooperative." Crowding hundreds of animals together with no room to even turn around or lay down, while expecting them to live in these conditions for months. Stunning a cow (which doesn't actually work) then slitting their throat and watching them convulse as they bleed to death. Slitting the throats of chickens as they hang in front of you, then throwing them in a pot of boiling water before they are even dead. Throwing male chicks into a gigantic blender because they are unable to produce eggs. These are just a few examples. And there is a ton of evidence proving all of this, don't even try to say it is made up propaganda. (Some people don't believe it even when shown the proof).

So...I choose to be a vegetarian for moral reasons. If I knew the animals were being humanely treated while alive and humanely euthanized, I would be able to eat their meat. But since the industry is a cruel, cruel reality, I choose not to eat meat. My husband has eaten only chicken for over a year and recently has taken the step to eliminate even chicken from his diet. I am so proud of him because like me, he does not like alot of vegetables or healthy foods. We eat mostly pastas and Mexican dishes made with beans instead of meat.

Anyway, the point of this post is that we tried Morningstar vegetarian bacon and vegetarian Grillers Prime (hamburgers) and we are IN LOVE!! I can't even tell you just how good they are! The bacon (fakon is what I call it) tastes like turkey bacon and the Grillers Prime taste JUST like a hamburger. So yummy! I am just so excited about this! I have eaten so many unfulfilling meals since cutting meat out of my diet, gone to bed hungry so many times and now...there are a multitude of options for me. All vegetarian: Maple flavored sausage patties, original sausage patties, sausage crumbles (for biscuits and gravy), hamburger crumbles (we can have TACOS again!!), chicken nuggets, chicken patties, bbq riblets and so much more! I can't wait to try them all. The 2nd best part (the best being that they are cruelty free) is that their prices are comparible to their meat counterparts. Yay!

So please, tell your friends and family that they can eat yummy things that are cruelty free and are also lower in fat, calories and cholesterol! They taste great and you can feel good about eating them. I am so happy I decided to try the Morningstar brand. It took us so long to try it because we had tried BOCA veggie burgers at Burger King before and YUCK! They were NOT good. So we shyed away from trying anything vegetarian after that. Thankfully we found the Morningstar brand though because they make delicious meat free options!

Appreciating the small things.

2009-05-07T22:27:00.008-05:00

I am not going to deny it, I am addicted to reading blogs. However, the sorts of blogs that I choose to spend hours upon hours reading are not what you would describe as "cheery" or "uplifting." I read about:

* baby Jonah who was born with a rare skin disorder
http://patriceandmattwilliams.blogspot.com/

* baby Kayleigh who is fighting for her life http://kayleighannefreeman.blogspot.com/ UPDATE: Unfortunately, Kayleigh lost her fight for life. RIP baby Kayleigh.

* sweet Summer who is 3 years old and has cancer http://shelightsupmylife.blogspot.com/

*Heather, a young mom who is currently undergoing chemo http://thesnydernews.blogspot.com/

*Nienie who survived a plane crash with her husband http://nieniedialogues.blogspot.com/

*C who lost her infant son at birth http://theinterruptedgirl.blogspot.com/

*Noah who is currently in the NICU after being shaken by his daycare provider http://www.noahsroad.com/

*Matt who lost his wife the day after she gave birth to their baby girl Madeline
http://www.mattlogelin.com/

These are the stories I read daily. These people are going through so much and yet they continue to stay strong. The strangest part is these people are all very in touch with their spiritual sides. I on the other hand am an agnostic married to an atheist, but I can't stop reading these blogs. I do admit to skimming over the Bible verses but other than that, I read every word. These stories, these people inspire me. I want to appreciate my life and my family more. I need to make a point of it. I know my husband feels under appreciated and I know it is my job to make him feel appreciated. I am going to try. I know my babies are not getting the daily attention they need and I am going to try to rectify that as well. I am also going to try to stay in touch with my family more whether by mail, email, phone or in person. My own aunt is currently living with Multiple Myeloma and enduring weekly chemo. I need to make it a point to be more of a constant in her life.

I am going to try to enjoy my life more, even if there aren't many days I can fully enjoy. I am going on day 8 in bed with the not so swine flu...so I have been pretty down, but at least I know this will end and I will get to enjoy the days to come.

I just need to work on appreciating my family, my life and my health (what little I have). That is my mid year's resolution.

From now on I want to make note of the small things that make me happy. Here is my list for today:

*Having the luxury of staying home when I am sick. Thankfully I have a job that allows it and a husband who understands.

*The grunting noise that Cody has been making for about the past month. It is so soft, so sweet and like music to my ears. Even at 4:00am as he does it on my pillow next to my ear.

*The softness of my boys' hair when they have a fresh haircut. Nothing compares. It is like running your hand across mink.

*Having a husband who works hard, very, very hard and then comes home and works hard here too. All to take care of his family. Even if he hates it, he does it for us. (Thank you, Honey).

*Watching my boys entertain themselves by wrestling with each other and the moaning and groaning that goes along with it.

*The sweetness that is Cody laying across my lap while I try to type this post.

*The sweet way Cody nudges my hand to get me to rub his head and ears.

*Knowing that every time I put on lip gloss, Cooper will come running to lick my finger. And how I can always count on him trying to run off with the lip gloss tucked into his mouth.

*The cute, hurried way Cooper runs to the bedroom when it is night night time.

*The comforting way Cody curls up on my pillow and on dad's pillow to sleep.

*The sweet way both Cody and Cooper turn into snuggle bugs when they get a hair cut.

*The kind way my husband is always willing to make an extra stop for me if I want food from someplace different than everyone else.

*The way my Mom calls to make sure I am taking my probiotics.

*The way my 10 year old sister emails me and keeps me up to date on her life.

*The way my step daughter is open to discussion, rather than getting defensive. Though I am sure this won't last much longer since we are entering the teen years.

Writer's Block

2009-04-21T11:06:00.003-05:00

I know I haven't posted in over a month. Things have happened. Even interesting things have happened but I just don't feel like writing. Not that anyone is reading anyway lol but I want to have record of the fun things and the sad things and the mundane things that happen to me so I can read them 30 years from now and reminisce about what life was like. But for now, there is nothing. I just don't feel like getting into details so I will briefly show all that has gone on in the past month and 1/2.

*Bella (aka Della) had to be put to sleep. In the end she was miserable but she was thankful that my mom gave her a 2nd chance at life even if only for a month. RIP Bella Della.

*We fostered Bella (aka Della) for a month before Mom adopted her to give her hospice in her last days. She was suffering from renal failure, liver failure and some tumor of unknown origin. Poor girl. She was so needy...she just wanted love. She was completely deaf and had cataracts that caused her to be blind in the dark. An old girl that ended up on the streets alone.

*I had 2 cavities filled (due to meds) that caused a month long green bruise on my cheek which caused people to refer to me as Rihanna. Not to mention the pain. Oh the pain. It is almost 8 weeks later and I still can't sleep on my side because my face hurts so much. Nor can I chew with the right side of my mouth.

*Mastoiditis. A long, painful infection of the mastoid bone which required 2 rounds of extremely dangerous antibiotics. Thankfully that is over.

*I visited my family in Springfield. Kennis came with me. Had a blast even if I was sick the entire time. Mom cut and colored my hair AND straightened it for the first time in my life! Strange feeling after having curly hair for 28 years but it isn't permanent. Wash it and the curls are back!

*More roof leaks. On our "guaranteed" roof work.

*Frank discovered a field up the road from us which is perfect for taking the boys to play frisbie. We have had alot of fun there. However, every time I take them...they rub themselves in something disgusting and I in turn have to come home and bathe them. Cooper found a dead mouse there too. Decided to carry it around in his mouth. OMG disgusting!!!

*KC Pet Expo was a blast! Tons and tons of animals there. Animal Haven had a few adoptions that I am aware of. One was a big, fat cat that Kaylee pushed around in a stroller the entire time. I am talking fat....like over 20 lbs fat. But that was what made her special.

*Frank made me a fabulous dinner to welcome me home from Springfield. He is probably regretting it now because I am requesting it ALL THE TIME. It was a balsamic vinegar, garlic and honey reduction glazed salmon filet with garlic rice, an artichoke and garlic butter. So freaking yummy! I had it again last night and my mouth is watering just thinking about it.

*I lost 17 lbs. Well this is over the course of about 6 months but the last 12 lbs has been in the last 3 months and I don't know what the deal is. I am NOT complaining because I need to lose weight and want to but I haven't exactly been trying. That's ok with me though. :) Just sucks because I don't have clothes that fit right now.

*Everyone and their mother (literally) is pregnant. Jaclyn, Suzie, Itza (Suzie's mom), Natalie and another girl too (but she isn't really a friend, I just work with her). So many pregnancy hormones. And no pregnancy blues on my part, that's for sure!

*Cooper fell off the bed....Poor baby. He landed with a giant thud at about 2:30am. Scared the crap out of me!

*When I got home from Springfield...Cody was so depressed he would hardly look at me. He is usually soooooo over excited to see me even if I have been gone 10 minutes. But apparently I devestated him by leaving for 2 1/2 days. It took him one day to snap out of it but needless to say it broke my heart. Poor baby.

*Kaylee decided the flute was not for her.

*We had Easter with all the kids. We did a hunt with clues for the baskets and they had a blast!

*Kennis' blood sugars have been running low (like 40-50) for over a month. Tim keeps saying he is going to call the dr. but hasn't. He also keeps promising she will get the pump at her next visit but has not made her an appt yet. They specifically told us that appts needed to be scheduled months in advance. There is something seriously wrong with that man.

I think that should do it! If I remember something, I will come back and add it.

Happy Birthday Lovebug!!

2009-03-04T21:57:00.002-06:00

Yes, I am a few days late with this post, but I have been sick. My darling husband turned 36 on Saturday, Feb 28th. I love this man more than I can even explain. We definitely have our ups and downs but I know that every day when I wake up, he will be there for me. He loves me and takes care of me and I couldn't ask for more.

Happy Birthday Babe. I truly hope you enjoyed your birthday. I wish I was able to give you everything you desire, maybe someday. But thank you for sticking it out with me through thick and thin. Hopefully 2009 will be better for you babe. I truly hope that you get everything you want and deserve this year.

Just like having a baby

2009-02-16T11:32:00.003-06:00

Now I know not everyone agrees but mostly the people who don't agree have never had a dog. Take it from me; dogs are just like having babies!! Sometime I even feel like they are harder than having an actual human baby. A few examples would be 1.) A baby gets to wear a diaper. You don't have to take a human baby outside in the freezing cold (rain, snow, ice etc...) to let it go potty at all hours of the night (ie: 2:00 AM) 2.) Doctors are not allowed to deny your human baby medical treatment if you don't have the means of paying for it. It doesn't matter if it is a life or death situation or not. If you don't have the funds, all of the funds, they won't treat your dog. It doesn't matter that your dog IS your baby. 3.) With a human baby you don't have to buy expensive prescriptions for them to take PREVENTATIVELY. Which I am happy to do, by the way.

So take last night for example...Actually it was this morning at 1:00am. I had JUST fallen asleep after a very painful session of tossing and turning when Cooper jumped up and ran over to the steps that lead off the bed. Now Cooper isn't one who I have to take out in the middle of the night. He likes to sleep and doesn't get up for anything until at least 10 AM. However, I just thought he was being restless so I laid him down and told him to go "night night." He got up again and tried to get down. I was NOT catching on at this point. I told him again to "lay down and go night night." He got up again and this time I let him get down. I was thinking at this point that maybe he had to throw up. So I watched him run to the back door which meant he needed to go OUTSIDE NOW!! So I threw on my robe and let him out. There are 6 stairs leading to the backyard. He made it to the 3rd and just let it rip. Apparently he couldn't wait any longer and had an explosive bowel movement all over the steps. Great.

While I am extremely thankful that he at least made it outside...what do I do with diarrhea all over my back steps at 1 AM when it is like 20 degrees out? He goes on down to the grass when he is finally able to stop himself and continues his business in the grass. I go get a big bowl of steaming hot water to wash the stairs with. Bowl number one did nothing. Bowl number 2 sent some flying shit droplets on to our downstairs window. And bowl number 3 sent some of it flying down below. So on to the baby wipes. I got down and literally wiped up what I could see (and smell). Then, being the conscientious mom that I am, realized that the water would freeze and in less than 6 hours they would be walking down those steps again and I didn't want them breaking a leg or a neck. So I haul out the pet safe ice melt and treat the steps. Frozen watered down diarrhea. Lovely. I decide I will have to wait until daylight to do anything else.

I get Cooper inside, wipe his butt with baby wipes (yes, this is entirely necessary) and realize Cooper had stepped in it. So into the bath he goes. At 1:20 AM. Finally by 1:35 we are back in bed. Need I mention that we just paid $25 to have our comforter dry cleaned and I had literally put it back on our bed on Saturday??? One day. He is clean so it isn't like he is dragging it all over the bed....Right?

At 6:30 AM when the hubs takes the boys out to potty, I sit up and say "there is diarrhea on the back steps. I have to wait until daylight to clean them off. So it would be best if you took the boys through the garage so they don't step in it and track it in the house." What does he do? Skips the garage and takes them down the back stairs where the mess has not been entirely cleaned up. Yeah, great. Maybe he just wasn't thinking clearly because it was so early.

So there is my story. My dogs are my babies and I love them more than anything and am willing to put up with all of this because of the happiness they bring into my life. But if one more "human mommy" tries to tell me that having a dog is nothing like having a baby, I am going to invite her to spend the night at my house for a night. And just for all those people (like anyone is reading :)) who are like "you don't know because you haven't had a human baby" well, I was 16 when my brother was born and my mom broke her leg so most everything was on me at that point. Then I was 18 when my sister was born and I took on alot of the tasks with her as well. Even at the age of 10 when my other sister was born, I was the care taker because my mom was a single mom. I was basically my mom's live in babysitter for many, many years. And my stepdaughter was a year old when I showed up in her life. So my point is...I have definitely been around babies, live in babies and I know how hard they are. MY babies are just as hard. LOL.

Desperate Situation

2009-02-14T22:12:00.003-06:00

I didn't disappear. Things have been crazy and I really haven't felt like I could put into words how I am feeling. This will be brief only because the more I think about it, the more upset I get.

Dec 27th 2008 my 10 year old sister (turned 10 in Nov) was diagnosed with type I juvenile diabetes. She is now insulin dependent. There is so much happening with this story and it is such a volatile situation right now that I am not going to go into too many details at this time. Let's just say though that her dad is trying to control every aspect of her illness against all dr's orders and against their advice. He is actually putting her in danger. First it was limiting her food intake. A common misconception about diabetes is that you have a restricted diet. Type 2 is includes diet restriction but not type I. Type I you aren't taken off of anything other than liquid sugar which includes pop, juice, koolaid etc...She can have whatever she wants, she just has to take insulin for whatever she eats. In fact, they specifically want her to eat the way she always has. Well her dad doesn't agree (like he thinks he is an MD or something). He is limiting her food. A lot. And letting her brother eat to his heart's content in front of her. Then he decided he would also limit her insulin. Yes folks, the stuff keeping her alive at this point. He decides she shouldn't be taking more than 40 units a day (This is very hard to explain so I won't. But she takes 23 units of insulin at night without food. That leaves her 17 units of insulin for an entire day's worth of food. That is crazy!) This is his way of controlling the situation. I stepped in and told the nurses what he was doing and they told him to his face that he is playing with fire and that limiting her insulin "disturbs them." He said "go ahead and be disturbed." Honest to god. I don't know what to do. Research is telling me that there really isn't much I can do. He can't really get in too trouble until something actually happens to her because of it. This is causing so much, SO MUCH stress in our family. We just don't know what to do. He won't listen. Not to us and not to the doctors. Who does this?

Now I have to let you know that my sister is doing amazingly well with all of this!! I am so very proud of her. She is sticking herself throughout the day every time she eats, before she eats, before sports, before sleep etc...And she is giving herself injections with everything she eats and at bedtime. She is ten folks. My step daughter is ten and I truly believe that if this happened to her, she wouldn't give herself an injection if her life depended on it. She won't even take liquid medicine without crying. But my sister wants to do all this on her own. Thank goodness for that because she is listening to the doctors and doing as much as she can for herself. Like her dose at night before bed is 23 units of Lantis (insulin) and her dad says "go ahead and just take 20" because he doesn't want her to take more. She takes the amount she is supposed to though because she understands how important it is. But she is also so hurt and confused over how her dad is acting. She has sat in all these day long meetings with the doctors, nurses and dieticians and heard them say "eat as you always have." And then her dad won't let her and yet lets our brother eat whatever, whenever right in front of her. It is unneccessary which also makes it cruel and she feels it. He has even decided to only let her eat sweets on weekends. And even that is limited. I just want to run away with her and get through this with her and without him.

She is being fitted for an insulin pump so that she will have better control over her blood sugars. However, her dad can't seem to find the time to get the paperwork filled out. I am so worried that he is going to let her run out of medicine. They can't afford it and the hospital is giving them free meds but in return he is supposed to fill out all this paperwork and bring in his last year's tax return. He is not complying. They told him that they won't give her more meds until he does this. Maybe he wants her to run out since he doesn't want her to take too much. How can a father do this?

They also have been evicted from their house and now live in an apartment with no furniture. They lost everything. Our mom lives out of state and wants to have her and our brother come live with her but their dad refuses. In fact if he feels like that is something that may happen, he will run and we will never see them again. I am sure of it. Their phones have been turned off and we haven't been able to get in touch with them. For all I know, they may have been kicked out of their apartment too. I don't know what to do. I feel so helpless in this situation. If I do something stupid, he will never let me see them again. So I have to go about this the right way. Excruciating.

Any suggestions? Keep in mind that my brother and sister have actually chosen to live with their dad and my sister currently wants to remain with him through 6th grade and then go live with my mom. Even through all of this. They love their dad so much. Even though he lets them down at every turn.

Please keep them in your thoughts.

Not so happy new year

2009-01-05T23:05:00.002-06:00

Life just doesn't seem right these days. But I don't really feel like elaborating at this point. Let's just say that I find it really, REALLY hard to believe in God/god when my family always seems to be hurting. It just isn't right for one small family to go through so very much turmoil.

Happy Birthday to my little Cooper Pooper!!!

2008-12-17T20:46:00.001-06:00

My little boy Cooper turns three years old tomorrow, the 18th. Technically that means he is turning 21 in dog years. What a big boy. He has gone through so much in his short 3 years, what a trooper he is. Hey, I should start calling him "Cooper Pooper the Trooper." LOL. He really is a trooper though. His vet, Dr. Daly, calls him "stoic." How true it is.

He has disabled front legs which started out in the shape of a 'v' and now his leg is in the shape of an 's.' It gets worse and worse and yet he continues to run around just like a puppy. He has kidney disease, not as bad as Cody, but he throws up more than normal dogs because of it. He has had an ulcer on his eyeball which had to be removed while he was awake. He has chronic skin infections under his eyes, one of which he is suffering from right now. He has hair which mats profusely and has to be brushed and de-matted at every turn. He has some kind of red, hairless spot on his hip right now which is bothering him. And did I mention he has hip dysplasia? And he is only 3. He definitely has had a rough go of it.

Cooper is my little buddy. He is the cutest, most wonderful dog. He loves to cuddle, loves to lick and is perfectly happy curled up in bed with me all day. He loves to play but isn't that great at learning tricks. He is a little on the dopey side, but we love him to death! He doesn't make much noise, but loves to keep guard at the front door. Every squirrel or bunny that hops by gets a nice, warm, welcoming bark from Coop.

Happy birthday to my sweet little man. Our lives wouldn't be the same without you buddy.

So much to be thankful for.

2008-11-24T23:15:00.000-06:00

As Thanksgiving draws near, I try to remind myself of the things that I have to be thankful for. Too often I think of the bad and not the good, so hopefully putting it in writing will give me a reminder to look back on.

I am thankful first and foremost for my husband. He is a wonderful, caring guy who puts up with alot from me. He takes care of me and loves me and really what more could a girl want?

I am thankful for my boys. I am thankful that their little bodies are going strong even through all the obstacles. I am thankful that for some reason Cody's body has adjusted to his high kidney levels and therefore we will have him around for much longer than expected. I am thankful that Cooper's legs don't seem to be causing him a great amount of pain even if it may look like it. I am thankful that every night when I get home, I have two jumping boys waiting to greet me at the door.

I am thankful for my stepdaughter Kaylee. I am thankful that she has grown into an intelligent, kind young girl. I am thankful that she adores her dad and looks forward to the time she spends with him.

I am thankful for my family and their health. I am thankful that my mom has a good job, a new outlook on life and a bright future. I am thankful that my sister has her two feet planted solidly on the ground and has the entire world at her disposal. I am thankful that my sister and brother seem to be ok with love in place of material goods. I am thankful that my aunt who was diagnosed with terminal cancer, is now 60% in remission. I am thankful that she has my awesome uncle to take care of her. I am thankful that my grandma is healthy, able and willing to work a hard labor job at 65 years old to take care of she and her husband. I am thankful that my great grandmother has made it through 2 strokes, Lymes disease, breast cancer and a triple bypass and is now healthy enough to golf and still make championship flight at 85 years old. I am thankful that my husband's family is healthy and staying out of trouble. We are very blessed to have family who loves and adore us.

I am thankful that I have a job. Not just a job but a job that pays well and where they are sympathetic to my situation health wise. I am thankful that my husband has a great job. How lucky are we to have jobs during times like these?

I am thankful that my husband is healthy, intelligent and handsome.

I am thankful that we have a roof over our heads and food in our cabinets. I am thankful that we have health insurance.

We may not be able to take vacations or go shopping for the newest things, but all in all, we are very lucky to have all that we do.

I hope that you all have as much to be thankful for as I do. Happy Thanksgiving.

Not fun enough

2008-11-07T21:37:00.000-06:00

Lately, my husband wants to do new things. He has come to a point where he is bored and tired of sitting around all the time. We do alot of sitting around due to my health. 2 very good childhood friends of his moved to the country and all of the sudden he wants to go visit. Fine by me, I love the country. But come to find out, they don't have extra room. There are the 2 friends, a wife, a son and 4 dogs. He wants me, him and our two dogs to go. We would basically be sleeping on a couch. I can do that, I really can. But it will be really difficult to have our boys (our dogs) in a room with no confinement, especially at night. They might roam. Not to mention, my husband wants to go out with his buddies and that will leave me and the boys back at the house with wife and kid (whom I have never met) and no room to hole away in by ourselves. I am not anti social, but that doesn't sound like a whole lot of fun to me. Going to the country, hanging out, spending some time with my husband, that sounds fun. If only there was a spare bedroom. I would feel more comfortable.

Not to mention one of the friends always gives me a hard time about what I feed my boys. Yes, I know it isn't normal. Yes, I know it isn't the healthiest. Get off my back about it! The vet knows. So anyway...that always causes tension.

So here is the dilemna. We have been talking about doing more stuff together. More fun stuff. Less sitting around and watching movies. So do I suck it up and make the best of it and try to go and have fun? Or do I stay at home and tell him to go have fun with his buddies? I really don't know which to choose. I want to do something fun with him, make memories. But it doesn't seem like it will really be a time for him and I, more like a time for him and his buddies.

He already made it clear that he would rather me stay behind if I don't think I can have fun. And we don't go places often at all anymore. We used to, but since money has been so tight the past 2 years, we really don't get the chance to get away. So what do I do? I won't really be able to leave the boys at the house with the other dogs, they'll freak out. But it will cost $40-$50 to board them. Ugh...why is everything so hard for me?

Awesome photos of Cody and Cooper taken by Frank

2008-10-14T17:40:00.000-05:00

Walk for lupus

2008-10-14T17:17:00.000-05:00

LUPUS WALK 2008

L-L-L-L-L-Lick me like a lollipop...

2008-09-25T18:10:00.001-05:00

Here is something you may not know about me. I love rap! Yes, I am a suburban housewife who likes to bump in my car with my sound system that my husband had installed for me as a gift. I am one of those cars who pulls up next to you and causes your car to shake and your windows to vibrate. The thing I need though is tinted windows. That way no one can see that I am just a white, suburban housewife who likes alot of bass.

Now if you were to see me in the club, you'd really get a laugh. I'm a booty shaker. But I love to shake it! I just can't help it. The music/rap I like is just asking for a good ass shakin.

Just something random I thought I would share about myself. Now off to bump in my car all the way to Taco Bell.

And the World's Worst Stepmother Award Goes to...

2008-09-23T11:27:00.000-05:00

Drumroll please...You guessed it! Me! But the thing is, I totally agree. Let me explain.

I expect my stepdaughter (Kaylee) to talk to me respectfully, drop the attitude, not use the word "whatever," brush her teeth, brush her hair, clean out her fingernails, pick up her room, maybe do a chore once in a blue moon, wash her hands, be respectful to her dad, not whine, be nice to the boys (dogs), be patient, not interrupt and not climb all over the furniture. Do you see how absolutely horrible I am? I guess I watched Cinderella one too many times as a kid. It seems the evil stepmother rubbed off on me. (oh and just because I said I expect this of her, does not mean I get it).

Her remaining time is spent playing with the Wii, watching Disney Channel, playing online with her Webkinz or just lounging in bed watching the newest movie to come out on dvd. What a horrible life.

I just don't understand why I can't let all this go and just let her run around wild with yellow teeth, dirty encrusted fingernails, tangled hair (which she finally had cut so it has cut down on the problem a tad) etc...If I did, we would never argue. Oh wait, we wouldn't argue until I asked her to do a small chore like wipe down the bathroom sink. The sink only she uses to brush her teeth.

The best part is her dad doesn't see any of this. Or maybe he does and just thinks it's no big deal. I don't know. She half hazardly wipes down the sink, shows him, who is the worst at details when it comes to cleaning, he signs off on it and she goes back to her room. A few minutes later I tell her to come wipe a few spots she missed and she's all "Dad said it was fine!" And then in a huge whine "Daaaad saaiiiiddd it was fiiiinnnneeeee." Insert set of evil eyes here.

Seriously. She is sweet until you ask her to do something and then the claws come out. She gets all huffy and puffy and ends up getting a huge attitude most of the time. So it just makes me the evil stepmother for asking her to do something. So my dilemna is...do I continue to ask her to do things or just let it go to avoid the fight? I know what the right thing to do is. But what about making my husband happy? He hates the fighting. I tell him about her attitude because I can't punish her...but then he hates it and says I am such a tattle tale. I wouldn't have to tattle if I could send her to her room for copping an attitude. It's a catch 22. Remain the evil stepmother and in the process the evil wife, or let it all go and hope she learns these things somewhere else before she reaches adult hood.

Overall, she is a great kid. I love her dearly. It's just she is getting to the pre teen age and I need to know how to proceed. I am assuming all this that has gone undealt with will only get worse with age. So what do I do?

*Just in case you missed the sarcasm, I don't really think I am the worst step mom in the world, I could use a bit of work but it is a thankless, frustrating job and it's not like there is a manual.

How would you feel?

2008-09-20T17:20:00.000-05:00

If you were at a store grocery shopping and you were having a very difficult time getting something off a shelf, not just having trouble reaching it, but it was stuck to it's mates and they were heavy and starting to fall around you (laundry baskets)...If this were happening to you and you looked over and a man looked you straight in the eye, stood there with free hands and didn't offer to help or even lend a helping hand, would you feel like shit? It is obvious he saw you struggling, you made eye contact twice, he just stood there. Rude to say the least, right? If you were in the situation but in the guys' shoes, wouldn't you lend a hand? Wouldn't manners and instinct kick in?

This happened to me and I can't tell you just how horrible it made me feel. It made me feel like dirt. Like I was invisible. It ruined my entire day.

Do you believe that the way a man treats a woman in front of his children sets them up to either treat women the same way or allow themselves to be treated the same way? So if this man had a child with him, wouldn't he have been even more wrong? He showed his child that #1 it is ok to treat others like this and #2 it is ok if someone treats them like that. The whole situation had me first seeing red and secondly wanting to cry my eyes out. What is with people? Does he treat the people he loves the same way? If so, I feel horrible for his family.

The Forlorn Black Dog

2008-09-15T11:35:00.000-05:00

You may have wondered who the black dog in the pictures is. Well, her name is Autumn and she is our neighbors' dog. Frank and I have really grown fond of Autumn after watching her day in and day out, out in the backyard, alone. No one to pay to attention to her, no one to talk to her, play with her, love her. She is a true 24 hours/day outdoor dog. She has a dog house and I have seen 2 abandoned toys but that's it. So Frank and I started to talk to her and pet her every time we went in the backyard (at least 5-6 times a day). After all, who could ignore the wagging tail and smiling face at the fence?

About two weeks after we had moved in (I had talked to her only a handful of times and the same goes for Frank) Autumn made a break for it and broke out of her backyard. Where did she come? Our front door. LOL. Really. I was in bed sick and I heard a ruckus outside. I went outside in the front to figure out what the boys were reacting to and saw Autumn in our front yard and Frank on the porch. I went out and saw her family calling to her from their yard but watched as she gleefully ignored them and ran to Frank and I when we called her name. That was just the first time this has happened.

Frank has taken her back from our front door on more than one occasion and every time they just plop her back in the backyard and leave her alone. So...I have been pretty upset about this and I think that a backyard dog is no life at all. Frank and I had even decided that on cold/snowy/rainy nights we would offer our garage to her if her owners would allow it. We even talked about putting a doggy door in the door for her. That changed yesterday.

Yesterday Autumn ended up at our front door again. Frank took her back but no one was home this time. She can't come in the house, she is literally like a bull in a china closet due to her lack of socialization. But we couldn't just leave her to roam the streets so Frank put her in our backyard. I thought that was a great idea and proceeded to take her some water and a chewie to keep her back there. And that is where the story begins.

You'd have to see a picture, which I don't have right now, but to completely understand you will have to see it. We have access to our backyard through our garage. But it isn't just a straight walkout, there are stairs that lead up to the backyard. OK so I shut the door behind me and proceed to take her the water and chewie. She is ALL over me and as I try to maneuver my way back inside the garage (the boys are on the other side) she uses all her weight to push into the garage. So then she is racing around the garage like a mad woman, no big deal. Cooper makes a run for the backyard and I call for Autumn to follow, she does and so does Cody. She barrells over Cody a bit on the stairs and when he stops at the top stair, she is all over him. It didn't really look playful, more intrusive if anything. Now Cody and Autumn bark at each other back and forth along the fence. The run up and down the fence barking at each other. I used to stop it but they seemed to have so much fun doing it and it gave them some extra exercise so I just allowed it.

So Autumn starts following Cody closely and I can see he is getting stressed because she keeps putting her face in his face. So I start to push her away and tell her to "go on." The way the stairs are set up, there is a cement wall about a foot tall between the grass and the stairs. I am still on the stairs and Cody is next to me but the cement wall is between us. That's when Autumn really went for it. She started to put her mouth on his neck, wouldn't back up, was using all of her body force against me and my arms, which I was trying to put in between them, she had him pinned up against the wall, he was crouching and she had her mouth on his neck. Cody cried out in pain. I was screaming at Autumn to "get off!" and pushing her with one arm while trying to pick Cody up with the other. She would not back off.

I can't really remember what happened but Cody must have slipped away while I was trying to hold Autumn back. He ended up at the bottom of the stairs where the closed door was. The bottom of the stairs is like 3'x2 1/2' so it isn't very big. All of the sudden Cody was down at my feet and Autumn was on top of him and I was still screaming and trying to pull her off. She was trampling him and going after him with her mouth. All of the sudden the door opened and I am screaming to Frank "get Autumn! she is attacking Cody!" He grabbed her by the collar and was able to lead her up and out of the yard. She was happy to see him so she went with him. He was able to get their back gate open and he put her back in her own yard.

Now honest to God, I don't know if she was playing or not. I have read about reading a dog's body language and I do not believe she was playing. However, it is all a blur because I was freaking out so much. I remember hearing a growl at one point and I don't believe it was Cody. The only sound Cody made was a cry, a cry I have never heard him make before. Obviously she hasn't been socialized so she may have just jumped Cody because she doesn't like him. I just don't know. All I know is it scared the crap out of me! I literally thought I was going to watch Cody get eaten in front of me and I wasn't going to be able to do anything about it. It was so scary and I shook for hours afterwards. Of course Frank doesn't think she was trying to hurt him (he wasn't out there either) and he thinks I am being dramatic about it. I can't explain how badly it hurt my feelings that she would do this to my baby. After all the kindness we showed her.

So this morning I take the boys out to potty and Cody starts barking at the gate towards the front yard. I was in my bathrobe and thinking "great, the guy is here to read the meter and I am going to have to go in the wet grass to retrieve my barking dogs, in my black socks and pink bathrobe. Oh and not to mention the bedhead." I walk up the steps and who is it? Autumn. And she is looking like she is going to jump the fence. The first thing I think is "if she makes it in here, we're done because Frank isn't here to help." So quickly I tell the boys to "stay" and I run inside the house, through the garage. I grab a leash, walk out the front door and call her name. There she comes, barrelling down on top of me. She is so excited (aka bored, not exercised, not stimulated etc...) that she jumps all over me. I get the leash on her and then realize, what the hell am I doing? I mean, nothing has changed. I am still in my black socks, pink robe and bedhead. Great. So I try to un latch her so I can go get dressed to take her home. Not happening. Just like she used her body weight to push her way into the garage, she was doing the same with my front door. So there we were, stranded on my front porch. But wait! I had my cell phone in my pocket. Only because I had just gotten off the phone with Frank. For the next 5 minutes I fight her jumping body to see the phone number on the tag. Got it! They pick up after 5 rings. I say "hi, this is your neighbor and Autumn is at my front door. I'm sorry, I am in my bathrobe so I didn't want to bring her over." She apologized and sent her daughter out to get her. Her daughter walked out and Autumn ran to her. I called across the yard that Autumn had gotten out yesterday too while they were away but we had put her in their backyard. She said she was sorry and walked away.

I walked back to the backyard and this time the boys were oblivious to the chaos. They were both taking a dump LOL. And then there was Autumn, back to her usual spot at the fence. Back to her days and nights of seclusion. I don't feel so sorry for her after what she did to Cody but I am sure that her lack of training and socialization is to blame. It's too bad but now we know we can't offer to walk her with us or offer our garage to her. Not if we want to keep our own boys safe.

I will still talk to her but the bond has been broken. She hurt my feelings when she went after my baby. I will still help rescue her when she gets out but she better not try to jump in my backyard again.

So my dilemna at this point is do I tell her owners what she did? In case something were to happen in the future?

Oh and Cody is ok. He was shaken up, had a red mark on his neck but no injuries. He has been having diarrhea and he threw up this morning (nothing too unusual for him though) but I think it is from the stress of it all. I don't know for sure that she didn't jump on his stomach but he acts ok. And unfortunately I don't have the money to go get an x ray done. But like I said, I really don't think it is necessary. I think he is fine. He got a bath so I could see his skin better and he smells great and looks wonderful! And now we know Cooper won't be stepping in to save his brother in time of trouble. At least not when a 65 lb black lab is involved LOL.

Purely Pictures as Promised

2008-09-08T23:07:00.000-05:00

Cody looking sweet

Cooper looking comfy and oh so kissable

The neighbor dog, Autumn, playing fetch

Isn't my Cooper just adorable?

My precious Cody

The boys checking out their new yard.

Taylor playing ball with Cody and Cooper

Playing with our neighbor dog Autumn

Poor Autumn. She is alone and outside 24/7.

My baby boys looking cute as usual

Incompetant Doctors

2008-08-26T21:53:00.000-05:00

I have seen hundreds of doctors with my multitude of health problems so it's par for the territory that I run into a few quacks in the bunch. I had 2 surgical procedures done today because I have been so horribly sick for almost a month now. I had an EGD and a colonoscopy done and 2 biopsies taken at the same time. I have had these procedures done before so I knew what to expect. Why is it that doctors and nurses don't believe you when you tell them you know how you will react to something? Because I don't have an MD after my name, I must be oblivious to anything having to do with medicine. The first thing I said to the nurse when she took me back is "I will need something ASAP to help me relax. I panic and I can feel myself starting to panic already. She said she would find out for me shortly.

30 minutes later I am doing ok because the nurse and I have been discussing my lupus. She is my age and has lupus as well! What are the odds of that? Anyway...our time is up and it is time for me to wait to be taken to the surgery room. She gives me some Benadryl. It hits me a little but I can feel the panic start to rise. It is such a strange feeling, hard to explain and many think you are crazy or just a big baby. I started to sweat, shake, even though I was freezing cold from the lack of clothes and covers. I started to panic. I couldn't sit up because I was hooked to machines which sounded an alarm every time I sat up. They told me they were behind and it would be a while. Great thing to tell someone who is panicking I tell you. Anyway...I start to cry, I feel like ripping the iv out of my arm. FINALLY a nurse peeks her head in and notices I am crying. She asks if I am ok and I told her that no I'm not, I am panicking. I can't explain why it happens but when I am hooked up to machines, I feel out of control and tied down and it freaks the hell out of me. She got on the phone with the dr. who ordered me some Vercet to calm me down. Apparently I calmed down after that because I really don't remember much afterwards. One thing I DO remember is telling the surgeon that he needs to give me some extra deadening stuff for my throat because I have been known to try to pull out the endoscope because of my gag reflex. I told him twice. Please, make sure my throat is deadened. So what happens? First of all, I shouldn't be able to remember any of this because I was sedated but I remember it all and I am not happy. It ended up being a fight. I tried pulling the tube out, they had to hold me down, they were yelling at me, I was gagging, throwing up, I felt like I couldn't breathe, like I was suffocating. Whatever they were putting into my mouth wasn't just a little tube, there was something large around my lips and I could feel it enveloping my whole mouth. I was scared shitless and crying and they just kept yelling at me and holding me down. I remember it all. My throat is very bruised. It hurts so badly to swallow. Nothing like it should feel like.

Back to quack doctors. I am not saying he is a quack per se, but he pissed me off because he obviously didn't believe anything I said. Then he told my husband, while I was in recovery, that everything looked normal. However, when you look on all my discharge paperwork, it clearly states that they found 4 different things. And to top it off, all my discharge paperwork is addressed to Mr. Bruce. Do I look like a dude to you?

Anyway...I wish doctors would realize that there are some of us who have had so much experience with all this medical crap and we really know our own bodies better than they do. Next time, they need to listen. But actually there won't be a next time. I am sick of panicking and feeling this way.

I know this isn't really a coherent or interesting post, I just had to write it down. I am going to post a purely picture post next so you can see my beautiful boys.

I'm ready to talk. But not about the house.

2008-08-17T13:44:00.000-05:00

I don't really feel like talking about the hell hole, I mean house, just yet. But so much has happened and I have been needing to scream and this is my only outlet right now so I'm going to talk.

Apparently, I have the craziest family in the world. Not crazy as in fun, crazy as in insane.

OK. I have been sick since July 31st. Today is August 17th so as you can see, I have been ill for quite some time. And not just ill, super ill. I have been vomiting for weeks. The nausea is the worst I have had in my entire lifetime! Smells make me vomit, reading my computer makes me vomit (why this is going to be a short rant), walking makes me vomit, sleeping makes me vomit, eating makes me vomit and not eating makes me vomit. Anyway, needless to say, I have made it to work 5 hours so far for the month of August. I have been just that sick.

We have lived in our new hell hole since the 29th of July. During that time our basement has flooded 3 times, we have mold in our dining room, a hole in our dining room ceiling (waiting on contractor), mildewed carpet, a faulty HVAC, fleas or some other type of bug which is eating away at me and many, many other small things happening all at the same time. And then of course, I'm sick. So nothing has been accomplished. The boxes are still packed. We don't even want to unpack because we hate this place. The hell hole is just in an utterly chaotic state. Whatever. I mean it's understandable, right?

Well. Today I hear daughter and dad talking and I pipe in to ask what they are talking about. Daughter says "mom might pick me up today." I naturally ask "why?" because she picks her up from our place maybe once a year and always for a specific reason. Daughter says "she wants to see the house." I say " the outside or the inside?" She says "all of it!" I say "well we're not even unpacked or anything so that will have to happen some other time." She says "she doesn't need to see it unpacked, she just wants to see it." I rebuttle with "well, another time." She says "she was going to come yesterday." OK...I'm like "um, she has to be invited." Now husband pipes in with "I already told her she could." WTF ever! So I say "Frank we aren't even unpacked or anything!" He says "so, what's the big deal?" I finally just say "whatever, I'll be hiding in the laundry room." I can't say what I want to say with daughter sitting right there. So husband says "fine, you just do what you do." Yep, I'm the bitch.

OK. So how crazy is it that my husband's ex wife gets to come look through our house (which she invited herself to do) when we A.) just moved in B.) haven't unpacked and C.) I've been sick? Who does she think she is? And why am I the bad guy because I would like my husband not to show his ex wife OUR house when it hasn't been unpacked, cleaned or decorated? Not to mention...I am still unshowered and in bed from being sick? Is that asking too much?

I don't want her coming at all to look at this freakin place but if she is going to come, at least give me some damn courtesy to be able to decorate or something first. But apparently I am a bitch for even thinking this.

I always knew that the freakin ex would be a part of my life forever because of daughter but sometimes I just can't handle it. What does this hell hole have to do with her? And why the rush to see it?

Oh and mother in law and her husband were here this weekend as well. What does mother in law do when we arrive to pick up daughter? Gets out and freaking hugs the ex wife and oohs and aahs over her. Right in front of me. Whatever. No one ever wonders how all of that makes me feel. No one cares and apparently I am the baby for not thinking it's cool. I'm sick of it.

Husband just thinks I'm a jealous bitch and seriously I am freaking sick of it!

We went to brother in law's wedding on the 8th. I barely made it being as sick as I was but the dr. gave me some med that worked for 2 days and allowed me to use my non refundable, non transferable ticket. I was so close to not going, but in the end I didn't want husband to have to go to a wedding, where he was the best man, by himself. Thank God I went.

I am a jealous wife, I don't deny that, but seriously I think I would be less jealous if I didn't have a husband who tells me about every "hot girl" he sees and even though it's all jokingly, it does not make me any less jealous.

The bride's sister (who was totally skinny and cute and husband's type) was the maid of honor. In other words, she was the person husband was supposed to spend all his time with. I understand ushering her in, doing the whole wedding thing etc...but he was expected to be her date at the reception even though she had a boyfriend there and he had me, his wife there. He was told to get her drinks for the night, they even made them dance together. To a f-cking slow song. It was a wedding party dance where they all danced together. If you're going to do that, don't you think it would be nice to at least do some upbeat, fast song so their spouses/significant others don't have to sit there and watch their partners slow dance with someone else?

This may not be a big deal to anyone else (though another girl at my table, who was watching her boyfriend slow dance with a bridesmaid shared my same sentiment) but husband and I rarely dance. In fact...I dance, he doesn't. I can get him to dance ONLY at clubs and only after a few drinks. We haven't danced in years but he goes and dances with her. What also pisses me off is that if he doesn't want to do something, he won't do it. He will let whoever know that he isn't going to do it and won't take shit from anyone about it. So if this made him uncomfortable, he wouldn't have done it. Whatever...so I even got past that and after an hour of him being mad at me for being hurt having to watch him dance with this girl and walk around the room getting her drinks, without even making eye contact with ME or getting me drinks too, I danced with him and had a good time. I tried to just let it go. It doesn't take the sting away. I don't dance with anyone else and I don't like him to either. Apparently, the bride's family was completely the opposite. They bumped and grinded with everyone and their uncles the whole night. Even the bride! I didn't even care at that point. If one other girl walked up to my husband and tried to grind on him "because he was the best man" I was going to throw down and I didn't even give a shit who I embarrassed. Luckily, husband stayed away from the dance floor the entire hour he was mad at me, so I didn't have to throw down.

So anyone else a jealous bitch? I always tell hubs that if I ever stop being jealous, he has a problem. He said he would rather it be that way. He hates my jealousy but he does nothing to try to make me feel more secure in our relationship.

How guilty do I feel for being sick for 3 weeks, missing so much work, not helping with the move, not being "available" and not looking "pretty?" Pretty damn guilty! Doesn't help the jealousy any knowing that most guys would be ready to leave in a heartbeat if they had to deal with me and my illness. My insecurities are flying wild! I need some reassurance here. Am I going to get any?

By the way...I haven't vomited in a 24 hours and now, since I took the time to type this out, I am ready to vomit again. I just can't handle staring at the computer screen right now. What am I going to do? I have to work. I have to be a "wife" and keep my husband happy. I always have to worry about that. I just can't help but worry that I am too much of a burden.

Sorry that my post was all over the place. Bottom line is I am a sick, jealous bitch and apparently I have no reason to be.

Flood, Fleas, Puke, Mold, Broken, HOT,Clog, Leak

2008-08-06T11:07:00.000-05:00

Yes my lovelies, these are just a few words that are used to describe the horrendous adventures of moving. Moving the Bruce family must entail all of the above, apparently.

Still not ready to talk about it. Sorry :)

I don't want to get into it.

2008-07-29T20:27:00.000-05:00

We're moved. If you can call it that. It is going to be quite a while before I feel up to writing about this whole experience. Put it this way, we've been in tears daily. Every single thing that could go wrong...has gone wrong. Things are still going wrong. We were under the impression that once we signed, everything would get better from there. What the hell ever! We are beyond stressed and overwhelmed and are ready to leave everything behind, claim bankruptcy and move to Mexico. That is just how badly this whole thing has gone. The End for now.

Quick update.

2008-07-22T01:37:00.000-05:00

It's 1:38AM and I can't sleep. I am seriously stressed. We didn't close on the 18th as planned. As of right this minute we don't even know if the house is actually going to be ours'. There have been so many curve balls pitched at us by this "lender" and I am beginning to think he is screwing with us. We made it over 3 MAJOR hurdles only to be told TODAY that we must sign automatic withdrawal forms for our mortgage payments to come out the 25th of each month. September's payment comes out August 25th and so on. One problem. I only get paid on the last day of the month. There isn't money in the bank to cover the payment on the 25th. PLUS he told us we wouldn't have a payment at all for August so we had planned on using that money to help with closing costs. He says they can't change the date but he'll ask the president of the company if he will make an exception. SOOO if he won't, we've taken the day off tomorrow to look at apartments. Lovely. So freaking screwed!

What kind of place doesn't give you an option on what date you have a large payment automatically deducted from your acct???

Bad news on my aunt as well. We just found out that she is in end stage kidney failure. Due to her cancer I don't believe she is eligible for a transplant :( I am so devastated! She had her first chemo treatment today. Something she didn't want to do, she doesn't want her body torn apart by chemo. The dr's told her she wouldn't make it without it because her kidneys are just giving up. I don't know what's next. Dialysis? That will be torture for her. 7 hours a day, 5 days a week. I just want to go through it all for her and spare her the pain. Her God, the one she has followed her whole life, the one she worships and trusts and loves and prays to, needs to step in and do something for her. She is a true follower of Christ and this is what she gets in return? Another reason I can't bring myself to believe that there truly is a loving God.

Off to try to get some rest. I can't turn my mind off.

A few house pics

2008-07-15T16:06:00.000-05:00

The Amazing Kitchen! All stainless steel appliances, granite countertops and a 3 seater bar.
Kind of hard to tell from the picture but this is the master shower. All stone and really nice!
My favorite part of the house. The dining room which you enter through french doors right off the kitchen.

Just wanted to share a few pics of the new house. We're 3 days away from closing and now they have a new "bump in the road" so keep your fingers crossed that it all works out because we have no money and no place to go if it doesn't.

Time is running out.

2008-07-12T16:07:00.001-05:00

We close on the house on Friday. Our lease here at the apartment is up on July 29th which means we HAVE to be moved out and the apartment has to be cleaned from top to bottom by the 29th at noon. So how have I been spending my days, you ask? Sleeping. I have never been so unmotivated in my life. I feel terribly embarrassed! It isn't because I am just being lazy, it is because I don't feel well. I promise. I even missed out on the final walk through on the house today. I was in too much pain to get up and get ready to go. I hope that wasn't a mistake. Hubs did go and said everything was fixed to our liking.

I have personally packed 4 boxes. 2 boxes of scrapbooking materials and 2 boxes from my closet. I guess you could say I am not doing my part. BUT I have been working. I did miss 2 days of work this week but 1 was for our anniversary.

Speaking of our anniversary, it was July 9th. We have been married for 4 years and together for 9 years. Amazing, considering I am only 27. Hubs took the day off to spend the day with me. I had been suffering from a horrible migraine for 5 days beforehand so I was a little weary. We decided to go to the Casino and have lunch at their buffet. We are NOT gamblers and had never even been before. Neither one of us like throwing away our money and having nothing to show for it.

So we had a wonderful buffet lunch which included this heavenly dessert buffet bigger than our new kitchen! Everything imaginable was there and I wasn't going to leave without tasting absolutely everything I wanted to! :) To Hubs horrid embarrassment, I proceeded to bring back about 8 plates of dessert (some had multiple desserts on them), one bowl of ice cream topped with m&m minis, caramel sauce and homemade whipped cream AND a rootbeer float. I only ate 2-3 bites of each thing, I am not a pig after all :) It was heaven I tell you!

Oh don't worry, I ate regular food too. I had 3 pieces of bbq salmon (SOOOOO yummy!), a'gratin potatoes, butter and chive mashed potatoes, buttered brussel sprouts, fried okra, buttered broccoli, cornbread with honey, one yeast roll, one parmesan roll, 1/2 a piece of 4 cheese pizza, some nachos with queso, guac, sour cream, bean and corn salsa, lettuce and tomatoes on top, a bowl of cantaloupe, some crab salad, some fried potatoes and I think that might be it. Wow, it seemed like I ate alot more than that :) I love buffets, can you tell?

What? You want me to tell you about the desserts too? OK...there was a chocolate cream pie, strawberry shortcake with the best damned homemade whipped cream I have ever had in my entire life!!! Then I had 3 chocolate strawberries (which I only ended up eating 1 of), 2 pieces of meringue candy, a pretzel stick in chocolate, a piece of chocolate espresso cake, some strawberry swirl cake (they didn't actually label the desserts), a cup of chocolate mousse, some tiny handmade chocolate with a cherry on top, a layered brownie and cheesecake of some sorts, a raspberry cheesecake and I do believe that was it. And at one point, I asked Hubs to go up there with me so he could help me carry it back. Even as embarrassed as he was, he did it for me :) Good ol' Hubs.

At one point I was getting one of my first plates of food and one of the buffet chefs behind the counter saw my face full of smiles and said "How are you doing today happy girl?" That was kind of embarrassing. I guess I couldn't hide my overwhelming excitement due to the food heaven surrounding me.

After at least an hour at the buffet I tried to get Hubs to sit there with me for another hour so we could get hungry again but he insisted that I was the only one who would get hungry again for quite some time. So we left and went into the casino, with visions of big money dancing in our heads.

We had decided to only spend $20. We're broke, buying a house and need all the money we have but we figured we would try on our lucky day. We played penny slots, nickel slots, quarter slots and 1 dollar slot. Between us we won about $6 but we gambled it away and walked out of there $20 poorer than when we had arrived.

Now let me ask you something. How in the world is gambling fun? Even when we won, we won no more than $2.50 and the money was sucked from our hands faster than I can eat a cookie (and let me tell you, that is pretty damn fast!). How is that fun? And we were there at noon on a Wednesday and there were a ton of people there too. We just don't see the appeal. Thankfully, because I couldn't handle it if Hubs decided he had a thing for gambling.

Anyway...I held onto Hubs arm all day, we talked and smiled and laughed like we were dating and had a really really good day! Granted we made it home by 3:00 but he did one of my favorite things and lay in bed for the rest of the day and we watched 6 Feet Under and another movie I can't quite remember. Overall, it was a great day! Best of all? The next day Hubs emailed me to tell me how much fun he had AND to tell me that he kept smiling when he thought about me and my desserts :)

I think the buffet employees might remember me for a while :)

Overland Park, we have a problem...

2008-07-08T13:10:00.001-05:00

I don't know what is wrong with my Cody Bear. He has never done this before. I am shocked, I am freaked out and I am worried. What is going on, you ask? He has started to hump his brother Cooper. Now I know that this is a normal thing for dogs. BUT it usually is something that starts early on. Cody is 3 almost 3 1/2. He has always humped blankets which he balls up and puts underneath him. He loves one blanket in particular, a KU blanket, we call it his girlfriend. Well, he has never humped anything else in his life. Nothing, nada, no one. So imagine my surprise when I see him mounting Cooper from behind yesterday as we watched a movie. At first I thought I was just imagining it and they were just playing around like they do. They jump all over each other all day long. But then I saw it...the back and forth action, the front paws clutched beneath Cooper's stomach. Did I yell? Did I say "no!"? Nope...I calmly said "look what Cody is doing to Cooper." to my husband. He freaked out and thought I was weird for not stopping it. I just wanted him to see it so he knew I wasn't making it up. After he saw, I told Cody to stop. He did. Then he started again. Like he had found a new toy that he couldn't stop playing with. He mounted his brother again. Cooper had this look on his face like "whatcha doin Cody?" Not too bothered and not too worried about what was going on. Just happy that they were playing. This time I clapped and told him more sternly "NO!" He stopped. He heavily panted for a few minutes while I got back into the movie and then he did it again. Just walked on over to Cooper, put his paws on his back, and started humping. "NO CODY NO!" I yelled. That time it worked. He hasn't tried it since. But my question is, why the sudden urge? He is neutered, they both are. Is this what they do to pass the time when we're at work? Cooper sure didn't seem to mind. Oh boy. I do not like this. They say it's a dominance thing but Cody is clearly alpha, always has been and Cooper submits to him all day long so why would he suddenly feel the urge to show his dominance in this way? Any ideas?

My new look!

2008-07-06T21:14:00.001-05:00

So how do you like it? It looks fabulous, if I do say so myself LOL! I won a free blog design from Lauren at www.restored316designs.com and she did everything I asked for and more. If you are looking to have your blog re-done, definitely check her out! Thanks so much Lauren.

This is going to be very brief. I have been feeling just awful this week. Worse than I have felt in at least a month if not more. I don't know what is up but it is really bad timing with the move and everything. I have had a migraine for 2 days, the inside of my nose burns, my eyes ache, I am in a ton of pain and my stomach is hurting like crazy. I feel so badly for Frank. He has just been chugging along packing and getting things ready and most of my free time is spent in bed. I'm such a lame wife. :( And then my boys, they have both been acting funny so I took them in to have their kidneys tested again. I figured since it is claim time (litigation against Menu Foods for pet food poisoning) I needed to know exactly where we stand levels wise. I should find out tomorrow. I pray it is good news because when I took them in Dr. Daly made sure to tell me, AGAIN, how freakin lucky I am that Cody hasn't died yet with his levels the way they are. :( :( :( I just don't want to talk about it or think about it right now.

I have been spending hours pouring over decorating sites/blogs while on my sick bed. Do you have any to recommend? I need ideas. Cheap ideas since Frank seems stuck on the fact that we have no money for decorating. Stinking thinking I tell you.

Guess What?

2008-07-01T13:25:00.001-05:00

I made it to work every single day last week AND worked an average of 4.5 hours each day. I haven't done that in months, maybe even a year. I am trying my hardest so that Hubs is more at ease with the whole house buying thing. On the other hand, I am so exhausted that I come home and hang out in bed with the boys. So nothing is getting done around here. Nothing. Hubs has been packing, I have been sleeping. But if I am going to keep working like this, I need to rest when I am home. He will have to understand and so far I think he is understanding.

News about the house? Well the inspection did not go great. They found termites, a huge water leak that had happened SINCE we had seen the house, a water leak in the dining room which was hurting the brand new hardwood floors, a fire hazard in the attic and numerous small other things. Frank was freaking out thinking this was it, the house wasn't happening. Then the seller showed up. I can't tell you how great that was because right then and there he told Frank and I that he would take care of all of it. Still, Hubs didn't believe him. So we drew up the contract of what we wanted fixed (remember, they told us they wouldn't be fixing much of anything because they had already come down on the price so much) and they came back and said, just like he told us, they would fix everything! Isn't that awesome? So now Frank says "well we still have to hope all the paperwork pans out." OMG! First it was "well we still have to see what the inspection finds" and now it's paperwork. I swear. Even when we are living in the house he is still not going to think it's ours'. I love him and his stinking thinking though.

Somebody please pinch me...

2008-06-27T09:48:00.001-05:00

It feels like a dream. I hope it isn't. We have an inspection on the house we are buying today. We are actually buying a house. We're going to be big people, adults, homeowners. Oh my gosh. What a big step this is.

It's a beautiful house, the house we both fell in love with. Unlike the other houses we made offers on, I didn't have to talk Frank in to liking this one. We both felt that this house was "the one" yet he is freaking out about it now. He is a doom gloom thinking kind of guy and sometimes it makes it alot harder on me and my health because he can be so negative. I have told everyone and their aunt that we are buying this house, he on the other hand is waiting until the inspection comes up clear to share the news with anyone, including our daughter who is patiently awaiting the news. Stinking thinking is what I call it. And his stinks the worst.

So here is a picture of the house.

The Picture I promised

2008-06-19T22:52:00.001-05:00

I promised a picture of Cody after his dew claw surgery and here it is:

Backwards Introduction

2008-06-19T22:25:00.000-05:00

I realized that I never really introduced myself. Not that I actually have any readers but for anyone who may just stumble onto my blog...here is a little bit about me.

I am a 27 year old female of Caucasian ethnicity. I am married to a 35 year old, wonderful man named Frank. We have a 10 year old daughter named Kaylee and 2 male shih tzus (dogs) named Cody (3) and Cooper (2.5). Together, we all reside in Overland Park, KS which is a large suburb of Kansas City. Kansas really isn't all that bad and it's definitely different than most people imagine. We live amongst million dollar mansions, in one of the richest counties in KS. However, we live in an apartment home, which is like a town home. We hate the KS weather and it's unpredictability but the area is nice and clean and most importantly, safe.

I work with student loans. I help students who are having financial difficulties, postpone their payments on their federal student loans. My husband works with computers. I get confused when I ask exactly what he does, so I'll leave it at that but I will add that he is pretty high on the totem pole. Not just a techie who answers to everyone else. He is very good at what he does but he no longer enjoys it and is trying desperately to find another ob but the market is so bad that he can't find anything without taking a $10,000.00-$20,000.00 pay cut. With prices the way they are, a cut like that would be impossible.

Unfortunately, I live with lupus and it affects every aspect of our lives. If I didn't have lupus, I would be able to work like a normal human being, bringing home money and contributing a great deal to our finances. But it doesn't work like that. I miss work all the time, I never know when I will be sick and therefore it all rests on Frank's shoulders. And believe me, he feels the weight.

On to happier things...I have a 9 1/2 year old sister, Kennis and an 11 year old brother, Taylor. I also have an 18 year old sister, Rachael. We are all very close, much closer than most siblings and yet we don't see each other very often. Rachael lives in Springfield, MO as does the majority of my family and Kennis and Taylor live here in town with their dad who inundates their schedules with numerous sports and other activities so that they never have time to see the family or their mom. It is a very difficult situation, I'm afraid.

I only started reading blogs a few months ago and I must say I am rather addicted. I believe I have over 300 blogs in my favorites list. The blogs I enjoy the most are medical blogs (nurses, doctors etc...), veterinary blogs (vet techs, vet students etc...), animal blogs, dog blogs, giveaway blogs and any other blog I come across that catches my attention. Other people's lives are so much more interesting than mine!

I am a pescetarian (a vegetarian who does eat seafood) and my husband is on the road to being a vegetarian. He loves meat but is having a harder and harder time eating it after everything he has seen and read. I love him for that. He just isn't the type that you would expect to give up sausage, bacon and hamburgers because of animal cruelty. I mean, just because he is this big, tough guy, but he has a heart and a conscience. We've learned alot together about animal cruelty in the past few years. I won't go into it now though.

I drive a Toyota Corolla and the hubs drives a Land Rover Discovery which is killing us. The Land Rover is a gas guzzler and hubs doesn't even drive with the a/c on. But it is such a nice car, classic to look at and it is a big car which is something that hubs, at 6'1 needs. Plus he deserves to drive a car that shows his success. However, with gas prices where they are right now, we have been doing all of our driving in the Corolla.

I think I have introduced myself pretty well. If you're curious about anything else, please let me know and I'll do my best to enlighten you.

Oh and pretty soon I will add some of my favorite blogs to my blog list BUT there are so many I don't know how to choose. Send me a link to your blog so I can check it out :) The hubs' is franknbeanz.wordpress.com Check him out. He just started and is a damn good writer. Just don't listen to anything he says about me...unless it's good of course :)

Money is going to kill me, or lack of it anyway.

2008-06-08T22:30:00.000-05:00

So how is everyone doing it? Gas prices, food prices, just where are we supposed to get the extra money to cover these rises in costs? I am so stressed all the time now because of money. Hubs is stressed all the time over money. It's like everyday is run by how much everything costs. Can we go to the park today? Nope, too far away, will take up too much gas. Can we go out to eat today? Nope, prices have gone up and besides we need the extra money for gas. We need groceries. Well we have to cut back since everything has gone up. Cut back on milk, cut back on meat. Cut back on cereal. I am at my wits end. Any advice on ways to cut back?

On top of all the stresses we are dealing with as far as money is concerned, Cody ripped his rear dew claw today. My poor baby. We didn't hear it happen or see it happen and he is always with us so it is odd that we didn't notice. Hubs picked him up and was playing with him on his back as usual. Cody was getting snippy and acted like he was in pain. On closer inspection (thank you hubs for looking closely) he found Cody's nail bleeding and hanging on for dear life. My first reaction was to clean it and take him to the vet tomorrow. Upon further inspection I noticed it had just happened and was bleeding alot. Every time I touched it he cried. I tried to wrap it but that lasted all of 3 minutes before he had the wrap in his front paws chewing on it like a chewie. So that was it. I called our local vet who is open on Sunday and asked if we could come in without an appt. They told me to bring him in and drop him off and they would call me with an estimate. Great.

I drop Cody off with specific instructions that due to his chronic kidney disease, I did not want him anesthetized unless absolutely necessary. I get a call 15 minutes after I left the vet. "Mrs. Bruce? Hi. This is Dr. Neira. I got a closer look at Cody's dew claw and unfortunately it looks as if he tore it all the way below the quick. It needs to be removed and he needs to be sedated for that." I ask if there are any other options due to health risks and sedation. She said that local anesthetic doesn't work in the area they are dealing with and his anesthesia and meds both are more expensive due to his kidney disease. So how much is the damage? $255 not including all the follow up stuff. AND the kicker is the nail will grow back so this could happen all over again! Removing the entire dew claw would consist of removing the bone which is the same as de-clawing a cat which we all know is horrible torture, the same as amputating a human's fingers down to their first knuckle. Not an option.

Cody woke up safely. We picked him up at 4:30 and he has been passed out every since. He lifts his head to look around every hour or so and then goes back to sleep. I took some pictures which I will post as soon as they have been transfered to the computer.

I feel so badly for my little baby. He moans and looks at me with these eyes like "what happened?" I am in mommy overdrive.

Please keep him in your thoughts. I am scared that the sedative and meds and stress might cause his kidney disease to further act up. I pray not.

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Lupus Sunday

Woke up at 10:30. Felt exhausted and achey. Fed my sister breakfast then we did some Father's Day arts n crafts. Fed the clan lunch. Decided against taking a shower since I was going to clean and get all sweaty. I cleaned out our armoire which we will hopefully sell at the upcoming garage sale. Took me 3 hours to clean that out. In the middle of that, with stuff strewn all over the dining room, on the floor, on the table, on the chairs...is when I had to stop and take Cody to the vet. Got back and finished the armoire. Laid down with Cooper since we was unsettled wondering where Cody was. From that point on, I really didn't pay much attention to my pain or exhaustion. I was running on adrenaline. S0 not much of a report on today's lupus happenings.

As of right now, it's thundering, lightening and raining. We are all 4 of us in bed, everyone passed out except for me. Frank has a pillow over his face, Cody is laying between us in a fetal position with his head under Frank's arm. Cooper is asleep at my feet. I love my family. It's times like this that I smile and just want to watch them all sleep. No king size bed for us.

Lupus on Saturday

2008-06-07T23:22:00.001-05:00

Today was a hard day. I'm not sleeping very well so I was exhausted. My sister was being dropped off at 10am so I got up at 9:45 so I would be awake when she got here. My throat/ears/head have hurt all day.

Our day started at 1:30 when we met our Realtor to look at a few houses. 5 to be exact. And I think we found the perfect house for us. Well of course not "perfect" but the best we have come across. 3 hours in the scorching heat, looking at old, dirty houses, breathing in paint fumes and dank smokey carpet, really wore me out. One of the houses had 5 bedrooms and a pool complete with slide and diving board. It was full of dark green/brown water. I would not want to empty that pool. Can you imagine what you might find down there? Dead animals, dead people? Ugh...

Anyway, came home and took a 2 hour nap. A much needed, much enjoyed nap. Ate some dinner. Watched a movie with hubs. Took the boys on a walk, come to find out Frank had already taken them on one today. We brought Coop home after one lap and took Cody for a longer second lap. I hope they sleep well tonight. I know I will.

I'm achey and over done. This house hunting stuff is wearing me out and it's not close to being over. Let's say we put in an offer, then there is packing, the garage sale this weekend, moving, Justin's wedding in August and then unpacking the new house. How am I going to get through this? I don't even feel up to doing the laundry tomorrow. I need strength. Now where can I get some?

Lupus today

2008-06-06T22:47:00.001-05:00

OK so today wasn't the greatest day lupus wise. I woke up at 9:30 to Cody whining at me to wake up. I told him I still needed to sleep and rolled over and slept until 10:30. I had to meet Frank at noon to look at a house so I DID get up and get ready.

I've had a killer migraine all day and it hasn't let up no matter how many meds I take.

Pain wise I'd say I'm at about a 5. So pain wise it is a very good day.

This Paxil makes me eat more though and that is not good. I find myself wanting to munch all the time.

My energy level is through the floor today. I have downed two coffee drinks and still feel no relief. My eyelids are drooping and I'm having a hard time staying awake.

I did make it to work for 3 hours. Just enough time to make my migraine worse.

I walked the boys, watched two movies with Frank and now it's bedtime.

So that's it for Friday, June 6th.

I don't usually do this but...

2008-06-06T21:12:00.002-05:00

As someone who is always looking for a way to make some extra money, I wanted to pass this along. The website is called dealbarbiepays and so far I have made $54.00. You can't cash out until you reach $20 but the extra money is nice. Too bad I have had to put it toward our bills :) Just know, only one person per household/workplace etc...can have an acct. They check ips and ban duplicate accts. Anyway, to use me as a referral go here:

dealbarbiepays

Let me know if you sign up!

For the next week...

2008-06-05T23:03:00.000-05:00

I am going to keep track of what my life is like with lupus. Obviously I have been doing that already but I am actually going to make a mental note of what I do and how I feel all day long. Starting tomorrow. I just want to see exactly what my ups and downs are in just one week. Stay tuned...

Random things about me

2008-06-05T14:55:00.001-05:00

I found this on another blog and thought it looked fun. So here goes.

27 Questions

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what did you think? “My face looks nice and clear today. Wow, that spot from the tanning bed looks better. Why are my arms so fat? And my stomach…ugh. Why can’t I just tone up? Look at my clothes, I need new clothes. I just don’t look good anymore. Oh! I am going to be late. Better get going…”

2. How much cash do you have on you? None currently on me because I am in bed.

3. What’s a word that rhymes with “TEST”? Nest

4. Favorite planet? Earth

5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone? Walgreen’s Pharmacy

6. What is your favorite ring on your phone? Vibrate. All the others drive me nuts.

7. What shirt are you wearing? A salmon colored, cowl neck tank.

8. Do you “label” yourself? I label myself as a wife and as a mother. A daughter and a granddaughter. A niece and a sister.

9. Name the brand of shoes you’re currently wearing now: None, I am currently in bed. The shoes I wore today were from Target.

10. Bright or Dark Room? Dark

11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you? I think that Misadventurous Melissa is funny, witty and an amazing dog mom!

12. What were you doing at midnight last night? Ha ha! Having some middle of the night fun with hubs!

13. What did your last text message you received on your cell say? “Meet me here at 12:15.”

14. Where is your nearest 7-11? 119^th and Quivira. 10 minutes from me.

15. What’s a saying(s) that you say a lot? “Can’t never did anything.” And “A bored person is a boring person.”

16.Who told you they loved you last? My husband.

17. Last furry thing you touched? My doggies

18. How many days of work did you miss this week? One. So far. It’s Wednesday.

19. How many rolls of film do you need to get developed? One underwater camera. Other than that we always use digital.

20. Favorite age you have been so far? 23

21. Your worst enemy? Lupus

22. What is your current desktop picture? Bright, colorful flowers.

23. What was the last thing you said to someone? “Cooper why are you kicking Mommy?”

24. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly, which would you choose? A million bucks.

25. Do you love someone? I love my husband. I love my doggies. I love my daughter, my mother, my sisters, my brother, my grandma, my great grandma, my aunt, my uncle, Alvina, Gene, Jay, Kris, Jaymie, Brandon, Bryce and Hunter, my god mom, my god dad and all my god family. I love my mother-in-law, my brother-in-law, my sister-in-law and my niece. Have I forgotten anyone?

26. The last song you listened to? “Saving all my love for you.”

27. Carmen Electra or Pam Anderson? Carmen Electra

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11 Random Things About Me:

1. I Lived in an attic for a couple years as a kid. Complete with ladder.

2. I Moved 15 times before I went away to college.

3. I had 2 childhood best friends who I later attended high school with where they were practically enemies/strangers.

4. I failed math all 4 years of high school and attended summer school for it every summer. Once I made it to college I aced 2 semesters in a row.

5. I am obsessed with the internet. I read blogs/gossip websites/etc…everyday. It is 11:50pm and I lay here in a drug induced stupor (legal, prescription meds), eyes barely open, just trying to read a little more.

6. I was raised very religious. I attended Christian school from pre-school-5^th grade and again from 7^th-8^th grade then attended Catholic school 9^th-12^th. I no longer believe in God.

7. I used to hate animals. That is so embarrassing. I didn’t want to hurt them or anything, I just thought they were dirty and I avoided them. Now I preach to everyone about animal rights and protection, give to all the animal charities, volunteer at the local no kill shelter, foster animals in need and have 2 dogs whom I love absolutely to death!

8. I like to read erotica but do not enjoy watching porn.

9. I am very interested in very rare diseases/disorders/birth defects. Two I like to read up on are Primordial Dwarfism and Conjoined twins. Medical marvels if you will.

10. I love watching “A Baby Story” and other baby/family shows even though I do not want a baby of my own.

11. I could spend my day watching just about any kind of reality tv imaginable. I just love reality shows. I don’t even remember what life was like before reality tv and I hope we never go back.

My boring life

2008-06-02T22:50:00.000-05:00

Well a few new things are going on. First, the hubs and I are house hunting. We thought this would be fun but 2 days into the "hunt" we are exhausted, disappointed and already losing hope that we will find what we want, in our price range, within the 8 weeks we have. Not too much to ask right? :) We have looked at 7 houses so far. One I really loved but there were some things that made it not right for us. Hardly any closet space, only one bathroom (unless you count the room in the basement with one toilet perched 3 feet in the air) and it sits on a busy street which is dangerous when you have dogs. Other than that, I loved it. But hubs doesn't want to settle. After 2 days of looking he is ready to throw in the towel and just go back to looking at rentals.

House buying is scary. How do people afford to fix everything themselves? We have rented forever and the amount of things we have had break in the last 9 years really scares me. I never thought about it before but now that I am contemplating having to pay for all of it...now I see how it all adds up.

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I finally was able to come off of an evil prescription drug that I have been unable to come off of for over 4 years. How was I suddenly able to come off of it? My doc prescribed a new drug to replace the old drug. I was scared as hell and waited until the weekend to try it. Usually if I am a couple hours late taking the evil drug, I become sick. Well 2 days have come and gone and I am fine. Absolutely afreakinmazing!! I can't tell you how happy I am! Now this new drug is also hard to come off of but I have taken it before and don't remember having trouble coming off of it. So hopefully it won't be a problem when the time comes.

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I realized that I haven't written hardly anything about my boys Cody and Cooper. That strikes me as completely odd since they are a huge part of my life. They are my anti-depressants, no doubt about it. They get me up in the morning even when I am sick as hell. They make me smile even when I am crying my eyes out. They bring joy to my life in every way possible. I just love them so very much. Sometimes I wonder if I am turning into some crazy dog lady. It's just that the feelings that I feel for Cody and Cooper are so huge, so real and so raw that I feel like people will laugh at me if they truly knew how I felt about my babies.

I can't/won't/don't want kids of my own so Cody and Cooper are my sons. I realize they are dogs but we communicate. We have an entire language between us. No, I don't talk in tongues to them but I do believe that they understand me and I believe that they do things to make me understand them as well. Hubs thinks I am borderline crazy when it comes to this but all that has taught me is to just keep it to myself. I see it in their eyes, they know I understand them. That's all that matters.

I deal with alot of guilt when it comes to my boys. They have a good life, I know that, but they could have a better life if I weren't sick. I don't take them on daily walks like they need. I can't. Sometimes it is all I can do to get out of bed and take them potty, let alone a walk. And a walk would be alot easier if Cooper didn't stop to smell every blade of grass that has ever been touched by canine, feline, rodent, reptile, amphibian, insect, mammal or bird feet. Poor Coop. He has such trouble walking, he just walks a few feet then stops to smell everything and to give his legs a rest.

OK so more to feel guilty about...They don't eat a normal dog diet. However, the dog food is what poisoned them in the first place AND all of their vets are aware of their diet and tell me the important thing is just to keep Cody eating, no matter what it is. I still feel horrible about it and feel like I have failed them in some way by feeding them poisoned food in the first place.

I am sick all the.damn.time. SO...my boys have adapted and now they sleep all day right along with me. Dad/hubs takes them out at 6:30am to potty. They come back to bed. We sleep until 9:30-10:00am (on weekends more like 10:30-11:00am) and then get up to eat breakfast. At this point they usually get 15-20 minutes out on the deck, which they love. Then we go back to lay down. We lay down for another 30 min-an hour and then I take a bath. At this point I can tell if I am too sick to make it to work. If I am, it's back to bed where we stay until about 5:30-6:00pm (with one more potty break in there). If I make it to work they go out to potty then come in and back to bed they go while I leave for work. Dad/hubs then gets home about 4:30pm, takes them out to go potty and then plays his video games for a couple hours. Depending on the weather, he will usually open the deck so the boys can lounge out there. I get home, make dinner and the rest of the evening is spent on the couch watching a movie or in bed watching a movie. I do play with their toys with them and so does Dad/hubs. They go on 2-3 walks a week and we play fetch in the house. But really....is this enough for them?

When we sleep, Cody snuggles against my back, or against my side, or right on top of my stomach. Cooper sleeps either snuggled against my outer thigh or at the end of my feet. I do scratch them, rub them, scritch them, pat them etc...when I am laying down with them. I constantly talk to them and love on them so they don't sit there in silence and boredom. I miss them when I am at work, I miss them when I am out running errands. I just love to be with them and I really hope they love being with me too.

OK. Mush session is over. I feel the same way about my husband but he says he is always an after thought. It's not true though. I go on and on to the boys because they don't say anything back. They don't make fun of me or roll their eyes, or interrupt so I say stuff to them all the time. I think the same stuff about hubs but I don't express it verbally as often just because of the conversation that goes with it. You know? Well, it makes sense it my head :)

Alot to catch up on

2008-05-26T14:18:00.001-05:00

I have quite a bit of stuff to write down. I haven't posted in a while because I have been really busy, tired, sick and stressed. I just couldn't bring myself to post anything.

First I will post some pics from the adoption event as I promised earlier.

Setting Up.

Chad the feral dog up for adoption.

Holding Greta who is up for adoption.

Daisy and Duke. Mother and son Cocker Spaniels who came
from a bad breeder situation. Both are missing one eye each and are
almost completely blind in the remaining eye.

Stinky, Kaylee and I at the adoption event.

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We had a small birthday party for Kaylee and it ended up only being she and Kennis (my 9 year old sister). We went back to Deanna Rose and walked around and played with the animals. It was a good day and I enjoyed hanging out with those I love. Here is a picture of Kennis' very first ride on a pony.

The girls at Deanna Rose.

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Kennis and I took a road trip to Springfield, MO to see our sister, Rachael, graduate high school and to see our aunt Jan who is in the hospital. Of course we also went to see our Mom, Grandma Judy and Grandma Leona. It is always a whirlwind trip because there are so many people to see. I didn't even get to see my god parents while I was there.

Rachael's graduation was at 9 o'clock at night and was a giant mess. There were signs everywhere that said "no cameras." We were searched and went through metal detectors. So of course we didn't take our camera with us. So we walk 15 minutes to get to the auditorium on campus and once we are seated we see hundreds if not thousands of cameras. I was really pissed because at 9 o'clock they locked the doors and I couldn't go to the car to get my camera. So we have no pictures of the ceremony itself. Here are a few pics from afterward though.

Kennis and Rachael.

Rachael and her diploma.

Mom and Rachael.

CK (me) and Rachael.

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While we were in Springfield we went to see our Aunt Jan who has been in the hospital with a horrible staph infection. This is even more deadly for her because she has multiple myeloma, a rare form of bone marrow cancer. It was very hard to see her in the condition she was in but I would never have missed the opportunity to see her. We took her some fancy slippers to walk around the hospital in. She loved them but her feet were so swollen that she could hardly keep them on.

Aunt Jan's new slippers.

CK, Kennis, Aunt Jan and Mom.

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Good news on the fostering front. Stinky was adopted last week. He was adopted by an elderly widow who is home all day. Perfect for Stinky. I am hoping he is happy in his new home.

I had seen a senior Cocker Spaniel named Abraham on the Animal Haven website. His story was that his family adopted him 8 years ago and now that he is old and very arthritic they no longer wanted him around. So they abandoned him at the animal shelter. Poor guy is cute as can be and very upset about being abandoned. So I had decided that when we got back from Springfield we would foster Abraham until he could find a home.

Laura at Animal Haven informed me that there is a woman who is interested in adopting Abe. She is elderly and works at a nursing home but she is moving and can't adopt him until June 1st. So we decided to foster him until then. We brought him home on Friday afternoon. He can barely walk, he is so arthritic. In fact, he looks like a baby elephant. He was the sweetest little guy imaginable. He loved Frank and followed him everywhere he went. He was scared of being left alone and scratched at the door and cried every time Frank left.

Friday night he was up the entire night. He paced back and forth, slept in 10 minute increments and panted the entire night. A thunderstorm only made matters worse. He pants 24 hours a day and sounds like a freight train so I slept with him in the living room so Frank could get some sleep. I in turn, only got 2 hours of sleep.

Abe is incontinent and pooped at least 30 times over a 24 hour period. He is taking Rimadyl for his arthritis which made him thirsty so he drank about 15 bowls of water which meant we were taking him out every 30 minutes to potty. Now we have 17 stairs leading from our front door up to our dining room/living room. He made it up and down the stairs the first couple times, although very, very, very slowly but after that he just couldn't do it so I had to carry him. He weighs about 30 lbs. It was very hard on both of us.

He had some sort of retina abrasion so the vet has sewn his 2nd eyelid over his eyeball. So his eye looks really funny and it bothered him. He constantly rubbed it. I was really scared that the stitches would come out and his eyelid would rip open but it didn't happen.

Anyway, on Saturday afternoon we decided to take him back to the shelter. We cried and felt so guilty but we were making his pain worse. He just couldn't handle the stairs. His hips were shaking with pain and he was really uncomfortable. Once we took him back to the shelter, he was actually more comfortable and happier than we had seen him. They have him back in the vet clinic just lounging on a comforter. He has free reign back there and everyone loves on him and spoils him. So that made us feel better.

I feel so badly for Abe. I think he would actually benefit from being humanely euthanized. He was just in so much pain and he was miserable. He was sweet and loving but every step hurt him. I haven't thought that about any other animal I have seen at the shelter before so this is extremely hard for me to say but he doesn't seem to be getting any sort of happiness out of life. Though he did love food and treats :) He looked like it too.

I certainly hope the lady who is going to adopt him is able to give him the love and attention he needs. He needs looking after 24/7 and needs total care. I guess if she works in a nursing home, she should be used to the kind of care he needs though.

Here are a few pics of darling Abe.

Abe

Cooper and Abe.

Cody, Cooper and Abe.

Abe with his eye sewn shut.

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Last but not least...my husband is an amateur photographer. He is always taking pictures of stuff. Literally stuff. Not just the family or the dogs or whatever, every time we upload the pictures there are bound to be pictures of things I can't recognize as well as a few pics of himself. Those he puts on there to make me laugh :) So here are a few of his latest and greatest.

Oh yes he did surprise me with a picture of the boys in the freakin dryer!!!

Stinky is gone, an old friend is back and today sucks.

2008-05-14T15:01:00.001-05:00

I haven't written in 9 days because things have all around sucked. We took Stinky back and he was healthy enough to stay there! That is good news but sad at the same time. We took him back on a Tuesday and I visited him at the shelter the following Friday. He was in one of the girls' offices with another puppy mill dog, a kitten and the girls' big boxer. Stinky lit up and started jumping when he saw me. He was really excited to see me :) His little ears were peeling and no one had cleaned his eyes. The girl mentioned that he was going to an adoption event the following day and would we like to come help. Of course we wanted to! I will post pics from home.

The adoption event was rather uneventful. It was an awesome event but thunderstorms rolled in and rained the entire thing out. So many animals were out there looking for homes. It felt awful to give up and take them back to the shelters. We did meet a potential adopter for Stinky though. Her name was Denise and it was she, her husband and her daughter just like our situation. They already have a papillon too! The way the event worked, the adopters had to go to the shelter to start the adoption process. So even though she said she wanted Stinky for sure, I haven't found out if they went to the shelter and adopted him. I should find out soon. They seemed like a really good fit.

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The friend who I found on Facebook DID contact me! She was so excited to hear from me and said she had thought about me alot in the past 14 years as well. I was so nervous she wouldn't write me back but she did and we have been emailing like teenagers for the past week. It is fun catching up but depressing at the same time because every time I see how far my peers have gone in life it reminds me how my life is run by my disease.

Anyway, I am glad I found her.

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My husband is trying to go back to school to get a bunch of different certifications so he can further his career so I called my Grandma to talk to her about it only to find out that my aunt is in the hospital and has been since Sunday. This is the same Aunt who was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma on Good Friday of this year. MM is a form of bone marrow cancer. A very rare form. So they told me that her pic line got infected and she let it go too long before she saw a dr. and now she has a staph infection. I guess that all of her blood is poisoned with the infection and they are giving her blood transfusions to try to get her stable.

Since she still hasn't told my great grandma (her mom) about the cancer, she can't tell her that she is in the hospital nearly dieing either. So none of us can see her. At her request, we are keeping this under wraps until she knows the extent of it. Then she will tell her mom. She already lost one parent and doesn't want her mom's health to fail even more when she finds out that her beloved daughter has terminal cancer.

Stinky's last day/Random things on my mind

2008-05-05T22:16:00.001-05:00

Well, Stinky goes to the vet tomorrow morning for surgery. They think he is healthy enough to stay there and await adoption instead of coming back home with us. We picked him up on April 10th and he goes back May 6th. I have fallen in love with him and will miss him dearly. I have begged and pleaded to adopt him but hubby just doesn't quite get along with Stinky. Plus if we adopted him we wouldn't have the room to foster any more dogs and that is where our heart is.

Stinky got a big last meal (which he only ate 1/2 of). Tomorrow he can't eat until after the surgery AND they won't feed him the yummy, fattening food he has been getting here. He got a bath so he will smell as yummy as he possibly can with the stench of rotten teeth. He got a nice, big treat, which one of the other dogs sneakily took from him and now he gets to sleep with us for the whole night. :( I am so sad.

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In other news, my sister Rachael turned 18 yesterday. Scares the crap out of me! Happy Birthday Sis! I hope you have a wonderful adult life. I will be here for you every step of the way.

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Can you believe Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon got married? So freakin random! I just can't get over it. She seems so stuck up and he seems like such a player. I can only wish them luck but in the back of my mind I just don't think it will work out. But then again, there are people who say that about every relationship.

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I have just started looking up OLD classmates on www.facebook.com and found a friend who I have thought about so much in the time since I have seen her. We lived in the same neighborhood when I was in 7th grade (if I remember correctly). She was 2-3 years younger than me and so much fun. She was my best friend. We shared Sweet Valley High books and loved when they came out with Sweet Valley University books. She moved away to CA to live with her dad when her mom got married. I have never heard from her again. One time, many, many years ago I sent her a letter. I never got a response but never got return mail either. I always wondered if she got it.

Anyway...I sent her a friend request and I am so nervous that she will ignore it. Stupid huh? I am so anti-social and don't give a crap about staying in touch with anybody (nice huh?) just from years of being left in the dust because of my illness. So why do I care? I don't know, but I do.

So is it better to leave things the way they are? Remember the good times when we were so alike? Or risk ruining the good feelings by finding out how different we are? The ball is in her court I guess.

I actually had a dream about her last night. I ran into her brother and asked how she was. He said I should look her up on facebook. Funny huh? So that's what I did. We'll see what happens.

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I love my husband. We had a good weekend and spent some much needed quality time together. I really enjoyed it. He really is such a great guy!

Stinky Update

2008-04-27T22:59:00.002-05:00

Well we took Stinky in for a vet checkup to see how he is coming along. As you will recall we are only fostering him until he is healthy enough to be neutered. We thought for sure he had put on at least 2 lbs. His ribs aren't sticking out as much as they had before. The vet informed us that he has only put on 1/2 a lb. 8 freakin ounces!! In 2 weeks. He was starved, malnourished and 2 weeks of yummy food and he only put on 8 ounces! We're shocked to say the least. Must be all that poopin he's doing.

So they sent him home with his little, stinky balls still in tact. I immediately went to buy new, fattening food which he loves. I don't want him to be here too long as he will just be more heartbroken (us too) when he gets his forever home :( He must gain some weight. Those little, stinky balls have. got. to. go.

13 inches

2008-04-27T22:14:00.009-05:00

Cooper and Mom.

Cody and Mom.

You automatically assume it is going to be something sleazy don't you? Well it isn't. I had 13 inches of hair cut off. I also donated it to Locks for love which I have never done before. That was a good feeling. It took me 4 days to mail it off but I did it :)

My head feels lighter, my hair feels healthier and my husband has been looking at me with "those eyes" and has said he really likes my hair cut. So I am happy. He even wanted to take pictures of my hair cut. He never wants to take pictures of me! So here are a couple. What do you think?

Try to imagine me 15 lbs less! I know it's hard but please try...

Dog Balls

2008-04-21T22:31:00.005-05:00

Stinky and Cooper

Stinky has been doing pretty well with his house training. So we have allowed him to sleep with us for a few hours each night. I get up in the middle of the night, take the dogs out and then he goes in his crate for the rest of the night. Well one night in particular I was knocked up on pain meds and sleeping pretty soundly when a smell woke me up. WTH? I reached over to pet Stinky on the head as he was on my shoulder. Hmm...where are his ears? OMG! His little stinky balls are in. my. face! They are only the size of a walnut (ha! no pun intended) but boy do they pack a punch!

Moral of the story...dog balls smell too.

Humans were God's only mistake.

2008-04-13T23:24:00.004-05:00

Do I sound bitter? It is the truth though. Without humans we would have no rape, no Holocaust, no murder, no pedophiles, no puppy mills, no animal abuse, no child abuse, and on and on.

One thing that burns me up is animal cruelty. Animals can NOT speak up for themselves, can not take care of themselves or fight back. Humans torture animals every day in every part of the world. I am not talking about eating animals (though I am a Pescetarian which is a vegetarian who eats fish) but the cruelty involved is heinous! If you knew that the sausage you were eating had come from a pig who had endured massive torture every day of his life just so you could eat that sausage, would you still eat it? I'm talking kicked, beat with a metal rod, had that same rod jammed up it's nose, been pulled to and fro by it's snout, had broken bones go uncared for and more. This is just the tip of the iceberg folks. Don't believe me? There are actual videos and photos on www.Peta.org

Ok well I got way off track. So one of the top 10 most horrible things humans have created is puppy mills. A puppy mill is usually housed in a backyard of a family who lives in a somewhat remote location (this is why they are also called backyard breeders). Doesn't sound bad yet right? Well they have a bunch of dog kennels stacked all over their backyards containing several dogs in each kennel which is barely the size for just one. These dogs are there to breed, nothing else. They are never let out of their cages, ever. Well the females do get to leave only to give birth then right back they go to get knocked up again. These dogs are not properly fed. There is always a dog or two who will most likely starve to death because they don't get their share of the food. They live in the wire cages their entire lives. The wire allows the feces and urine to fall on the dogs below, chemically burning them and physically blinding them. They receive no vet care. No love. They sleep on the wire and nothing else. No beds, no walks, no human kindness. They create puppies which are ripped from their mother's way too early, shipped off to pet stores and sold.

When the kennels are outside the dogs are exposed to every type of weather. Snow, rain, sleet, hail, scorching heat etc...When they are housed in a barn or other type of building, the fumes from the urine and feces becomes so thick it burns your nostrils and your lungs. There usually is no ventilation, no fans, no heat.

These dogs live horrid lives and I have only just touched on the subject. Please visit www.stoppuppymills.org to see what you can do to help.

So why am I on this tangent tonight? Because our local shelter just seized 30 dogs from a puppy mill in Western Kansas this week. Starving and neglected. We have taken one in to give him some tlc while he becomes healthy enough for surgery to be neutered and to have his rotten teeth removed.

The details on this boy are few. He is a male papillon who is most likely about 6 years old. Every bone in his body juts out. His breathing is heavy and labored and his mouth is so full of rotten teeth that he reeks of decay. He is about 15 inches long and should weigh about 11-15 lbs. He weighs 4 lbs. It is hard to see just how bad of shape he is in due to his long hair.

We brought him home on Thursday. He was terrified. Never knowing a kind human in his entire life. Not knowing anything but the wire cage he had lived in. He cowered, shook, sulked in the corner of his crate. He didn't trust anyone or anything. When we finally got him out of his crate he proceeded to potty and poop everywhere. He ran from us and tried to join our other 2 dogs for safety. After all, he has known other dogs his whole life.

We have loved on him, held him, been patient with him, fed him, let him be so he could explore and tried to give him everything a little doggy could ever desire. Today is Sunday and we have made so much progress with him in these 4 short days.

We are working on crate training him. You might say "well how can you put him in a crate when he has been caged his whole life?" Well, the crate is where he is comfortable.

Last night was the first night he didn't potty/poop at all in his crate. Today he has had a total of 2 accidents in the house and otherwise has gone potty/poop outside every time. This is HUGE progress for a dog who peed/pooped where he was whenever he needed to go for 6 years.

He has really latched on to me. I guess because I am the first human who has ever shown him kindness, he is now protecting me from the other dogs. I am not happy about that at all but it is entirely understandable. I am now having to limit the snuggles I give him. He will sit next to me and "guard" me and if my boys (my dogs) come near, he growls and snaps. Not good. So every time he does it, he goes directly in his crate. Hopefully he will learn quickly. There is enough love to go around :)

The shelter named him Bryan. It doesn't suit him AT ALL. He is black and white and looks like a skunk and smells retched due to his rotten teeth so we call him Stinky :)

He tries to walk as softly as possible, lifting each paw as delicately as possible. Most likely due to the wire floor he spent his life on.

Every time you see a cute puppy in a store, on the internet or from a breeder, remember where he came from. The puppies may look cute but their parents are living in torture so that you can have your little ball of fur who will most likely end up with serious health problems due to the shape the parents were in. Not to mention inbreeding.

Don't breed or buy while shelter pets die. Save a life, adopt from your local animal shelter today!

I made it.

2008-04-09T22:08:00.002-05:00

Yes I did. I made it to work. Most people blog about exciting or unusual things. I blog about being able to make it to work 2 days in a row. Sad huh?

I was told though that due to lack of space my desk would be "shared" for a couple months by a new employee who starts Monday. Now I totally understand sharing my desk when I am not there but apparently if we are there at the same time I will have to be the one who finds another place to sit. WTF?? But I won't have to pack up my stuff, just sit elsewhere while she sits at my desk. I am pissed.

Our office is being expanded into the next suite and will be complete about mid June so this will last until then. Fun stuff.

Once again, I can't do anything about it because no other job will allow me to work 15 hours a week and yet bring home over $14/hour. I'm stuck.

Did I mention that my boss decreased my paycheck by about $650/month because he thought I was making too much?

It's fun working for someone who knows you basically have no other choice but to work for him no matter what shit he pulls on you.

If only I were healthy. I would be a vet or work in animal rescue. Maybe even work at the zoo. Just something where I worked with animals. Something where I did some good and could handle working 4o hours a week. Oh to be normal.

Yesterday was kind of different...

2008-04-09T11:51:00.002-05:00

Well yesterday did turn out to be somewhat different. I still didn't wake up at a decent time, I still didn't make it to work at a decent hour, I didn't really get many chores accomplished before work but I DID manage to stay at work for 4 hours! I gotta start somewhere :)

Problem is today I feel horrible and feel like staying home but how long will they allow me to call in 2 times a week? Like I said before this is real, I really do feel like death is knocking at my door every day. I am not missing work to hang out at home, eat ice cream, frolic with my two adorable dogs and watch Animal Planet all day. Nope. I end up sleeping all. day. long. My poor boys. They have learned to sleep all day right along with me. They must have such boring lives. But every time I bring that up to my husband he says "then let them get a job." (insert rolling of the eyes here)

So to call in or suck it up and go in? My husband is feeling lousy and he is at work and he HATES his job so I should suck it up and go. OK. I will. Off to get ready for work. Nice talk.

I am NOT a hypochondriac.

2008-04-08T00:25:00.004-05:00

Sometimes I feel as if everyone around me must think I am a hypochondriac. I'm not, I promise. I have lupus along with several other ailments which I won't list only because it will look like a boring medical dictionary.

So I work part time. I miss at least one day a week because of complications due to my lupus. Sometimes I miss two days and if I come down with a bug or have an arthritis flare which makes it impossible for me to walk, then sometimes I miss 3 days in one week. Awful, I know. My boss has been amazing about it though and has kept me on for 5 years. However, I still feel awfully guilty each day I email in to say I am not coming in. Do they believe me? I have brought countless doctor's notes to them and they see how sick I get but do they roll their eyes and whisper "stupid bitch" under their breath every time they see an email from me? I bet they do.

Every night when I go to bed I tell myself "tomorrow will be different. I will get to work at a decent time, work 5 hours and get lots of work done." Then I wake up and feel like I have been in a car accident over night and can't get out of bed.

I promise I am not a hypochondriac. I am not a liar. I value my job and hate, HATE having to miss so much. I just wish I knew if I am wearing out my welcome.

Apparently I don't qualify for disability though because I have been able to hold down a job. If you call this holding down a job. I can't afford to not have a job though. And the stress I feel over missing so much work only works against me and makes me sicker. It's a vicious cycle. One I hate!

I know my employer and co-workers must hate me. I'll save my husband's thoughts for another day.

Off to bed now. Tomorrow will be different. I will wake up at a decent time, get a few chores done, get to work at a decent time, work 5 hours and get alot of work accomplished.

New to this...

2008-03-09T00:06:00.002-06:00

This is all new to me so forgive me if you fall asleep. I am going to use this blog for my own ramblings and thoughts with the hope that someone, anyone is reading.

I want to make a difference in the world and open people's eyes to some of the horrible things happening on our planet daily. Even if my blog allows one reader to learn something new, I will be happy.

This blog won't all be depressing; I am also passionate about things like candy and my beloved dogs who will be referred to as "my boys."

So really there is no one topic I will stick to. You may find entries about animal abuse, animal rights, dogs, global warming, candy, food, current events, Hollywood gossip and of course sometimes I may just tell you about my day.

For now you can look at the links I have posted to the right. These links are places I visit very often. You can learn alot about me by looking at the websites that interest me.

Please feel free to contact me with links you think I would enjoy. No spam please.